Myself and my ex broke up six months ago. The break was mutual however I never wanted it but she seemed to lose interest and stopped wanting to see me, so I felt almost backed into a corner and could see no other way but to break up after she suggested we ‘couldn’t go on like this’ any longer.
After breaking up we stopped contacting, however we have kept in touch on and off over the past few months with both of us initiating contact.not long after the break up I askedsked to meet, talk, try again all to no avail. She would then very often deliberately ignore me, sometimes for months until she would reappear out of the blue, then disappear again and ignore my reply. I know she has been chatting to another guy since. This guy appears to have many girls that he ‘likes’. He seems a player. And talking to many girls at once. I’m really suprised she even considers a guy like this. But what do I know.
A few weeks ago we got talking again and she seemed a lot more open , asking me what I’m upto, and seemed a lot more engaging. We got talking about the break IPA day she told me how upset she was at the end (so was I) and that I made her feel trapped and very upset. I was very taken back by this and it completely broke me when she told me this. I didn’t realise this. She never told me. I still don’t know the reasons why she lost interest. I tried for months towards the end to do new things, get the spark back etc and it worked when we were together but it dropped again because she wouldn’t come out again. She told me she remembers the good times but couldn’t forget the bad at the end. I told her I still like her and if I could change things I would, she asked me if I was trying to say I wanted to try again. I told her I wanted to meet up and chat. I asked her out for a meal/ drink.
She told me she wasn’t sure and that she would neeed the think and let me know at the end of the day.she told me she felt confused.
She got back in touch bit didn’t mention meeting up so I had to ask again the next day, to which she replied she didn’t know yet and she doesn’t want to say yes to get my hopes up or say no and regret it…
She told me she will know when she knows…(how’s longs a piece of string?) but we could keep on talking.
Initially we have been talking, sometimes she replies quick, other times she will ignore me for hours and then reply. This I find quite rude. She has, howveer become more open and instead of being cold towards she seems to be more open and jokey. Which is good I guess. It’s been two weeks now since this now and I’m beginning to think she has no intentions on meeting with me. I also see her liking pics of other guys and I still think she is talking to this other guy.
I’m confused by her behaviour, what should I do?
Any help appreciated thankyou.
First, how long were you together?
You wrote:“I made her feel trapped and very upset…” Was this like a controlling behavior on your part? Wanting to know where she was, wanting too much time with her… etc or what?
She misses you but is confused as to whether to meet up or not. What do you suppose you would accomplish by meeting up with her? Obviously you need to make some changes and I hope you’re working on those areas. Instead of requesting to meet, you could let her know you’re improving yourself in the appropriate and needed ways. Then go no contact to enable her to let the bad memories fade and to think about the improvements you’re making. Get counseling for yourself if you think it’s necessary…
Don’t start behaving in a jealous manner! You don’t know the details of the situation with the other guy and it does no good to try and guess!
Thanks for your reply.
We were together for three years. It was great up until a few months towards the end.
I was in no way controlling, absolutely not. I think when she said she felt trapped it was more to do with breaking up, she felt like she couldn’t express the way she was feeling. I honestly don’t know why I made her feel like this because I would ask her alot to explain so I could put things right, but I would just get ‘dont worry’ But then after that it went back to me asking to see her and her saying she was busy again. I was completely puzzled. I was just trying to understand what I could do to try and fix out situation.
I want to meet up because I want to re establish a connection. We talk over message and you cannot convey the right message to her, it’s always better face to face. Before we broke we stopped seeing eachother (no matter how much I tried) and we just spoke on message, to me this ruined everything because it’s easy to misinterpret things over that and the way things are mean to be said or taken.
The funny thing is the rare time she agreed to spend a day with me, things were absolutely fine. She said herself what fun she had, but then afterwards it’s faded again.
I’ve apologised to her that I made her upset and felt trapped. It was a surprise to me, because she would enever tell me. I wish she would of at the time. I care about her very much but she has just taken two days to reply to me with a one word answer. It feels like a lost cause, and if she really did feel anything I don’t think she would take that long to reply.
I haven’t mentioned the other guy to her at all. It’s none of my business, I just would of preferred to her be honest with me, I feel like she stringing me along a bit, just to keep me there just in case. Maybe I’m wrong in that front but it’s comforting to know you think she misses me. She hasn’t told me she does.
Yup, girls are the same. Your situation is very similar to mine. I might as well be reading my own situation.
We were together 5 years it was all good until near the end where she got quiet. I would ask whats wrong. Would always get nothing, or dont worry about it, or just a lot on my mind. I even went to visit her as she is in a different city to correct whatever is wrong. She didn’t really open up. We had good time together but when I left the problems still existed. Went on like this for months. I guess her feeling trapped. Until 3 months later she ended it.
She also likes guys photos. I don’t make much of it. I know I am the best for her. It’s her choice if she wants it or not. Funny thing is I liked 1 girl’s photo and she deleted me off Instagram for this just recently.
We have met up twice just recently after I did no contact for a month. Some days her messages are more engaging than other days. Some days we hardly talk. I don’t really think too much about it anymore. If she wants to reignite things then be it if not then that’s fine too. When we met up the two times she mostly complained about me if we talked about us. For me I apologized and am willing to focus on positivity and improvement. No idea what the future holds for me or for you in a very similar case.
@willitend Most often before a person breaks up with a partner, they try to act as if everything is okay, but sometimes they go kinda quiet and struggle with the best way to explain why they want to part ways. There must be other more definitive reasons (other than feeling trapped) she wanted to split up. If she didn’t tell you, maybe think about how you treated her and if there’s anything you might have done or said that would’ve caused her not to want to continue with you.
You wrote:“We talk over message and you cannot convey the right message to her, it’s always better face to face.” That might be true, but you need to stop nagging her about meeting up. This will only serve to stress her out and drive her further away. It’s been six months since the breakup and you haven’t gained anything by messaging or begging. Start no contact as this will allow her to think about whether she wants to try and make amends.
@patricia12 I honestly don’t know what I did to turn things off. The only thing was I was less financially well off for a period last year when I had no work. So we couldn’t have our usual holiday we used to have. That is the only thing I can think of. I tried and tried to find the reason but she just wouldn’t convey her feelings. I’m truly gutted knowing something I did turned her away but I still don’t know. I wish I did.
That’s fine, I’m not nagging her, far from it. I’ve aged twice. When she stops replying I don’t follow up, I go away and leave her be. When she comes back I reply after a hours, I’m not there waiting on my phone for her. We’ve stopped talking again now so I guess she’s doing her ignoring phase again.
Okay, so you asked her why she broke up with you and she wouldn’t give you an answer that makes sense. So now it seems you’re at a stalemate and there’s no possible solution to the situation unless she admits why she dumped you and what changes she might want you to make in order to possibly reconcile. You’ve already apologized so the only approach to try and get an answer is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her you won’t be communicating with her anymore unless she tells you exactly why she broke off the relationship. You’ll have to stick to your word until she gives a satisfactory answer. It’s very rude and disrespectful for her to continue to treat you in such a casual and dismissive manner and you don’t deserve this kind of treatment! Grab your dignity and try one more time to get to the bottom of the situation or move on.
You don’t have to meetup to get an answer! You want and deserve an answer no matter how it comes…
There’s a slight chance she became interested or involved with someone else either just before the breakup or just after… If that’s the case, maybe she now sees you as an option or back-up plan.
@patricia12 thankyou, I’ve been racking my brains since the day we broke up as to why and what I did so wrong. Yes we had our ups and downs but any relationship does. It think I was very patient to be honest. I waited and waited months to try and fix things but in the end it felt very one sided. Actions speak louder than words I guess. People around me said she didn’t treat me very nice towards the end and I got extremely frustrated about the whole thing because I could see her slipping away and I had no explanation as to why. I guess it doesn’t really matter, if she loved me enough she would fight for the relationship just like I did/ still am!
I want to meet up partly because of that and partly because I believe in my own mind I want to show her how we can still be. I also think her parents had something to do with it, and to go back to me would be something she would see as a backward step. I don’t know, this is all guess work.
Before we broke I started noticing her ‘liking’ pics of other guys on social media. She had never done this before in our relationship, she even did it when I took her out near Xmas, I planned a nice afternoon together (after much asking) then half way through she said she was unwell and asked to go home. I was so annoyed but shrugged it off and took her back. When I got back I had three texts from her apologising …feeling guilty I think! Then that night is when I noticed her liking the pics.
That hurt quite a lot tbh.
Anyway, she has ignored my reply again now and hasn’t bothered to even read it. I don’t want to be her back up plan, I wish I could shake her off but I can’t.
Good luck.