Hey guys,
my girlfriend of 5.5 years and i broke up about 10 weeks ago. It was mutual over all, because we had a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years now and we saw each other maybe 1-2 weekends a month and only for longer periods during the university holidays. We loved each other at the break-up but and one of her last sentences was that she believed in fate and that someday we maybe could start all over again. One week of no contact after the break up i wrote her a long text about how much i missed her and that i’m in so much pain about losing my best friend. she answered quite lovely and sensitive but made clear that she is happier now and feels relieved. I could hold no contact again for about three weeks and i wished her a good day and hoped that she would be ok, a text i wrote to her quite often during our relationship, intending to remember her of the good times. Her reply was short…she also wished me a good day and that was it. Only few days later i asked her if we could meet again to simply talk, i tried not to sound needy, but she told me that she doesn’t think that this would be a good idea at the moment, as she would have a lot stuff going on and that she fears that this would throw her back in dealing with the break up and that she is so happy now and that i should give up hope on this relationship as she can’t imagine giving us another chance after ,only one month’‘. Three days later i wished her a happy birthday, she replied with thanks. Another few days later she changed her profile pic in the messenger we use, and i told her she looks beautiful . That’s when the tables turned: she told me that i should keep things like this to me the next time, and that i should not write to her one day after another, and that she needs space now and that she knows for me that i needed space a 100%. i accepted and said i’m sorry. From this moment i told myself that she is right about space and started no contact, that today reached day 33. In this time i haven’t heard from her anything (no text, no call, no message via a friend) and i tried to focus on my life…hitting the gym daily, focusing on my career plans, meeting new people, and starting playing the piano again. But still, she is on my mind 24/7 and i want my best friend and girlfriend back in my life, i know that it would be some work for both of us but i’m willing to put in this effort as i know that she is such a special person to me. So my question to you folks: I would like to use the ,elephant in the room’’ message to break no contact by telling her that i recognized in the last weeks that i acted irrational and that i didn’t accept her boundaries. To make it clear to her that i am in another state of mind now, i would like to write that i accept that our relationship is over and that i’m keeping my head up (as she used to tell me). Now i’m insecure on how to give her an invitation to contact me again: something like, if you want to grab a coffee or have something to eat fell free to contact me; or should it be more direct: call me the next days if you want to have a cup of coffee; or should i leave an invitational sentence like this completely of the text? Pls help me!
@kai - I know you must be heartbroken, but it’s best to stop contacting her and focus on your life. She has been kind in her responses to you, but if you contact her again, most likely you will receive another kind response. It will take some months if not a year or so to stop feeling the intense grief. She knows you love her, but it’s clear she doesn’t want to hear from you. Maybe she will change her mind someday in the future and contact you, but it will not be anytime soon. Keep trying to accept the reality of the situation and distract your thoughts whenever you start to feel sad about it.