How to act the first time after no contact

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

Hello Kevin,
I want to first thank you for providing this resource.
It has been very helpful in anchoring me during a very tough and emotional time.

My ex and I took a no contact break back in June with the idea being that she would check in on me in November to see how things were going.
I admittedly had some things to work on. And with lots of hard work and weekly therapy sessions, I feel like a new man.

Per her commitment, she checked in last Monday via email.
The email was friendly and asked several questions about this and that.
She wrote that my birthday gift finally came in and she could either mail it or we could meet for coffee or something.
I took this as a good sign in that she gave me an option. Of course I responded suggesting the “coffee or something” option was best for me.
Since that point, we have had a couple more business like emails. And I have tried not to read too much into them. I guess I am having a hard time playing it cool.

Between last Monday and now a mutual friend overheard her saying that she was not thinking about a relationship at this point because she is working on her life.
I am trying my best not to let this demotivate me. I realize that neither one of us are ready to jump right back into anything but I worry that I will not say enough or that I will say too much.

We have set up a time to meet this Wednesday (yes 3 days from now) and I feel like I am ‘kind of’ prepared for it.
I plan to keep it light and focus on the changes we have both made in the past few months.
I do not plan to bring up the past or the relationship as a whole.

But I would be most grateful for any other suggestions you had regarding the meeting.
Is it ok to say that I missed her?
Can I say that I love her?
How do I convey that I would like to see her again?
Should I follow up with a letter or text after the meeting? If so … how long should I wait before sending the text or letter?

I am sorry for all of the questions. She is very important to me. I do not want to miss step in any way at all.
Thank you Kevin,
Sincerely,
Scot

2

Hey,
Go meet her and play everything cool.Don’t tell her that you love her or you missed her or anything like that.You should act just like a friend.Avoid being emotional.If you want to get her back,you need to control your feelings.Don’t tell her anything about getting back together or the break up.Be cool and confident and try to have a nice time with her.Let her see the positive changes in you.

You can text her and tell her that you had a great time and that you should do it again.You can text her as a friend but don’t be the one who always starts the conversation.Let her chase you sometimes.Play everything cool and take it slow.You don’t have to say anything about getting back together until the third or fourth meeting.

Good luck

3

Thank you Kevin.
At the end of the meeting should I just say something like “it was nice to see you and catch up”?
Would it be too much to allude to meeting again at the end of the first meeting?
Or should I reserve that part for the text communication?

Any suggested timeline for the text? Next day?
Again … sorry for all of the questions.
Scot

4

Sorry … I thanked Kevin instead of a.z
Sorry about that.
Thank you a.z

5

Good Morning.
Today is the day I meet my ex for dinner.
I am nervous and my brain is spinning.
I suspect she will be the one to bring up the matter of our relationship.
And I struggle with how I should respond when and if she tells me what she told her friend. That is … that she is not thinking about a relationship right now.
Any advice on how to handle that scenario would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again for all of your help.