@jj2018 - Did you post an update today? Under the Reconciliation “Help!!!” it shows you made a post, but it’s not there?? If you did post something today, could you post if again?? Thank you:)
Hope all is well with you!
Patricia check your mail I guess JJ deleted the post.
JJ your ex sounds like a jerk. Im also transferring college. I wish you good luck. Im sure you will meet lots of new people there. And Im glad you downloaded a dating app. Keep your mind off your ex. Im hoping your dad is doing better.
@leidy1000 & @Patricia12 I didn’t delete it. Im not sure what happened lol, i will post ot again once i get home! You guys are great! Thanks for the support. I hope you’re both doing well.
@patricia12 & @leidy1000 yes that is correct, the first time was only a few months into dating, because he felt that I was ready to say “I love you” (and I wasn’t) and he wasn’t. So we patched things up and I explained to him that the relationship was really new and although I liked him I was no where near saying it. The second time I asked him myself to organize his thoughts and to decide what he wanted to do, we had a LDR and it was very hard because everything was great when we were together but once he got back he will go distant, we stayed together, he came for my birthday, I had a great birthday dinner with him and friends Saturday night and Sunday night before he left he broke up with me again saying that he felt weird about us and that he was not sure he could date someone of my ethnicity. After that I went NC for almost a month and when we started talking again he asked to come back to the relationship, we talked about things and agreed on doing things the right way, but he broke off about three weeks after when I started going through some hardships because according to him he wasn’t sure he was ready to get that serious. It also bothered him that I am not as crazy about working out or fit as he would like me to be, mind you I’m close 5’4 and 120lbs, and have a fairly good natural shaped body, I also eat very well but with a full time job and a being a full time student there is little to no time for the gym, there is also the fact that I don’t have a car, I do however have my own apt and have been supporting myself for a very long time, unlike him whom everything was literally handed to. Towards the end I learned that I was sort of I rebound relationship because he lied about being broken up with his ex for 6 months when in reality is was only one month but he felt that he was “out of the relationship” for that long which means that he was most likely not emotionally available to start a new relationship, regardless. The distance also played a big part of the issue. I have since my last post obsess a bit over him. I have recently downloaded a dating app, just to date casually, trying to get out there an meet new people, definitely not trying to jump into another relationship. It’s been almost two months from the breakup and about a month and a half of no contact, his birthday is coming up next month. I am currently in the process of transferring schools so hopefully that will get me a brand new circle of friends and help me further move on. I should add that it seems that he and his ex had a “good” relationship that lacked physical intimacy bc she was a Christian and when they did do the deed she would regret it , it was overall very toxic but that was never my problem. He was very sexually, kind of, frustrated when we met.
Sorry about the post not showing up earlier, also my dad seems to have cheered up and is planning to try to get surgery as soon as possible.
Thank you both for your time and advice, I am very happy I could find a space to vent and be heard. You both are all kinds of kind!!! Thank you! I hope things are going great for you both!Hope to hear your thoughts!
@jj2018 - Thanks for posting again. Glad to hear your father is feeling better and pray his upcoming surgery will be successful. Please try not to obsess over your ex, rather immediately divert your thoughts and attention to something else. This will help stop you from dwelling on the past. Good to hear you’re starting at a new school and will be making new friends. Continue no contact and DO NOT contact him on his birthday! Don’t allow yourself to get pulled back into talking with him because I think we both know he would eventually find another excuse to turn his back on you. Glad to hear you signed up to a dating app and will be dating again. Be sure to carefully look for red flags as you date others. If your intuition tells you it’s not a good match, stop dating that particular guy. I’m sure you will be happier in the long run when you find a nice guy who cares deeply for you and with whom you have things in common. Look for admirable qualities such as even temperament, kindness, honesty etc… Wishing you the best of everything!
UPDATE: So it’s being about four months from the break up, I started school and got a part time on top of my full time job, I have kept pretty busy. Went on a few dates, met guys I liked and enjoyed their presence as much as i could (i really liked two guys that aren’t from here and have left to their countries). I haven’t being taking myslef too seriously but Im rather focused on school and work, I have a date this coming Friday with a guy from class. My ex, in fact, started dating someone very shortly after our breakup and has posted pictures of them, in all honesty she seems to be better suited for him anyways and is definitely someone his parents will approve of. On the other hand, I have learned to enjoy being alone (although, im usually always busy) and I can recognize my mistakes and the fact that I’m definitely not ready to be serious with anyone and perhaps this has been true for a while but I denied it. Thank you for all your support, will post another update in a few months. Xoxo.
I’m so glad you’re doing well and keeping busy, but hope you’re not too exhausted from the jobs. Focus on school and getting good grades:) Dating guys who are long distant is not a good idea.
Have fun on your date!
@Patricia I hope all is going well for you. i meant that they were casual dates lol, also my dad has a date for surgery already!
@jj2018 - My best wishes for your father’s upcoming surgery and a speedy recovery:)
Im so happy for you. That was one of the best update. You decided to move on. Im glad for you. I wish your father the best on his surgery. Everything will be ok. Keep doing a good job. Im so happy!
@Patricia12 & @leidy1000 Thank you guys so much for all your advice.
On another subject, I recently asked a guy from class out (First time asking anyone out), I thought it was going to be a casual date getting to know each other, however I spotted a few red flags that made me want to get up an leave… I wanted your opinion on whether or not I should just tell him no thanks and move on or give him a second date and see how he acted.
The following are the things that threw me off:
- I colloquially said I hated something NOT someone and he said that HATE is too a strong of a word to use.
- He graduates this semester and is planning a trip and I said that he should definitely do it to what his response was invite me… i felt like running for the hills…lol
- He said that he hasn’t dated anyone seriously since high school but he is now 26, and assuming he graduated high school at 18 that means he has being single for 8/9 years and hasn’t had an adult relationship.
- He texts me wayyyy too much meaning that if I for any reason have not replied to his texts he would try to get me to talk to him by sending me pics/vids through snapchat. (KEEP in mind I have two jobs and take 5 classes). He is a little pushy, and has texted telling me that he could come over to my apt and bring dinner, now the first time it happened I said I had hw to do but Im obviously trying to avoid his coming over and he tried it again 3 days after… what leads me to believe that he doesn’t get that he is not invited over.
- He is overly optimistic and to me it seems kind of fake. This guy also lacks ambition like I feel like I’m fighting all odds to get to where I want to be and he is kind of whatever.
He honestly is nice to talk to and very sweet and I was attracted to him because of what he projects in class (we are even in the same group/committee; but because of what I have mentioned, I feel like this could probably lead to a toxic relationship. I also did ask him out so Im afraid that he’d feel like I have being leading him on; however my texts to him are usually short and and pretty dry.I also don’t want to make it awkward since we are in the same group and have to work together till the end of the semester in December.
Thanks for your time!
@jj2018 - This guy is coming on too strong too soon and it’s a warning sign. Asking about home dates this early is another warning sign and inappropriate. He also dismissed you (like ‘correcting’ your thoughts) when you said you hated something. He might have a very controlling type personality which is probably why he hasn’t had a serious relationship in many years. Apparently other girls have picked up on the red flags and opted out to dating him. Don’t go on the trip with him, no matter what!
I’m glad you’re paying attention to what guys say and do as it will possibly save you from toxic and unhappy situations. I advise you stop dating him and let him know that you don’t think you’re a good match for each other. December is only a couple of months away and you could just be cordial whenever you see him in class.
Don’t be fooled by guys who seem okay in public but show an entirely different personality in private. They wear a mask projecting themselves as normal and nice, but then take the mask off and reveal their ugly flaws after they ensnare someone in their web. Not all guys are like this, but continue to pay attention to little warning signs… Good luck:)
Thank you Patricia! I was concerned that maybe I was exaggerating and wanted a second opinion. Earlier today we texted and then I didn’t reply cause there was nothing to reply to, that was three hours ago and he has texted me and sent me something through snapchat I haven’t opened either, since we had only not texted for three hours and this is just too much for me to like… he is acting like we are in a relationship and we’ve really only been on one date… like I understand there shouldn’t be like a break up per se, but I thought he would get the hint since I barely engage on conversations with him… Im not sure how to proceed…
is it appropriate to text this to him?
@jj2018 - Wow, of course you’re not in a relationship, but he is acting clingy after only one date. Another red flag is that after he said he could come over to your place, he said it again 3 days later, so yeah, he seems pushy too. No more avoiding him, or giving him reasons or excuses as he obviously can’t take hints. You’ll need to be direct! Yes, you could text him and let him know that you don’t think you’re compatible and don’t want to date anymore. Brief and to the point. Don’t give him any compliments as he will take it the wrong way as some sort of encouragement… When you see him in class, be nice, but not too nice, LOL.
I understand you asked him out for that first date, but a normal guy would understand and accept you not wanting to continue. Hopefully he won’t grill you as to why you made your choice and he won’t stalk you. Just be careful and watch your back (so to speak). Good luck and let us know how it goes…
@Patricia12 I followed your advice and told him, I stayed away from compliments and said: “I need to let you know that I don’t think we are compatible plus I do lack time to spend dating. I know there is someone out there waiting for you but I am not that person. I wish you good luck with everything.” to what he replied thanking me for my honesty and that was the end of it. Thankfully class also got cancelled today so hopefully by next week it will be a buried topic.