Hi so when me and my girlfriend broke up we both still had a allot of feeling for each other but things just weren’t working out, we were in a rut and this is a month after she broke up with me a few and got back together immediately and we promised to change but nothing really did. I feel like now that we’ve had space we can make things work again but she was the one who told me not to contact her. We both said we loved each other anf wanted each other in our lives (good our bad sign?) And wanted to see me but before that she said that she wanted time to “re think her feelings about me”… It’s been 12 days of NC and it’s killing me. Am I doing the right thing by giving her space on her terms since she was the one who thought of not talking or should I tell her now it of the blue not to talk to me until I talk to her… I’m so confused… I don’t want her to lose feelings or move on in this time!! Please help!
You broke up before a couple of times, but got back together without your issues being resolved. This time she wants to make sure you both fix the problems that made her so unhappy. She requested no contact, so honor that! Respect her enough to give her the space and time she needs and wants…
I have made some changes that I think would make me compatible again with her but I’m so worried that she’ll have moved on or will be hesitant to get back together with me since we tried before… But this time I feel like we can make it work
I’ve also look significantly more in shape and more attractive from when we broke up two weeks ago. I’m no longer an emotional wreck like I was before and have started making positive changes. Like I said though, I’m just worried she won’t give me another chance
Continue no contact and don’t ask her to get back together when you contact or see her. Changes take time and it would be too soon for her to believe or trust that you’re different. At some point you two would need to sit down and calmly discuss what went wrong in the relationship and talk about ways to make a future possible relationship better than it was before. Like things you could say or do for each other that would make you both happy.
Glad to hear you’re feeling better about your emotions:)
Right, I want to try and be her friend first. How many times do you think I should see her before I tell her that I want to try again? I want this relationship to be less romantic and more like best friends than the previous one. When we first started dating we really jumped into it and were hardly friends and along the way I guess we just forgot how to have fun and it was always so serious with high expectations for eachother
There is no way to determine the exact number of times to see each other before trying again! But you have to take things very slowly, one step at a time.
When you first start seeing her, take her out on fun dates and just enjoy each others company. (Do NOT sleep together!) Talk lightly and catch up, but nothing serious. Continue to meet and slowly become more tender and romantic, but no sleeping together. Enjoy your outings and give her attention and compliments. Control you emotions, don’t say negative stuff, and don’t argue about anything! Be respectful and friendly by talking and making new memories. Later on have a talk about ways to make each other happier if you get back together.
I asked in your previous post if you’re both in the same town?
PS: How long were you in the relationship?
We go to the same university. She stayed the summer to work and I was there for a month for a class “that’s when we broke up” and I’ll be back in town in another week from today. We were together for a year and 3 months. It was the 9th month when she left to study abroad for a semester. Ever since she got back things have been bumpy… I was kind of clingy when she was gone and it carried over to when she came back. When I’m back at the university in a week, I’ll be there for another week before classes start. I don’t know if I should start hanging out with her before or after classes start
And as much I do wasn’t to sleep together that’s not how I want this time go haha! We first started dating because of sex and the rush of being in a relationship and then the feelings came after … That’s why I’m glad we broke up actually. It’ll give us a chance to start the relationship on a good foot this time
After you arrive in a week, contact her and ask her out for lunch, dinner, or coffee. Don’t be sad if she says she’s busy or can’t make it and don’t act clingy by begging or nagging to see her. Maybe ask for a ‘rain check’ to go out another time. Yes, even though I know you love her and that you’re attracted to her, the no sex part (as much as you want it, lol) will get you two off to a good start:)
I’m sure she’ll say yes to meet up, we both said we want eachother in our lives when we broke up and it’ll have been nearly a month since any contact… I just don’t want to be stuck in the friend zone. She said she needed time to re think her feelings so do you think I’m stuck just being her friend?? Is there any chance to make her see me as more than a friend again? But I don’t want to be forward. I want this relationship to start with us being best friends then becoming more … But I don’t want to get stuck there.
Deep feelings of love and attraction can be rekindled and built up over time. So don’t worry about that. You’re doing it right this time by deciding to take it slow and start dating. That’s the way it’s usually done, but you two started out by putting the cart before the horse (so to speak). Go on casual dates for awhile and then gradually become more physical by way of touching, holding hands, and kissing. Believe me, you won’t offend her and neither of you will feel awkward about it if you give it time. You will probably sense the right time to touch her etc… she may give signals or even initiate touching. Just don’t have sex!
- Don’t worry about being friend zoned forever… You’re going to be starting out as friends and then great friends and then hopefully much more:)
Haha, thanks for being so supportive! It’s really hard to keep my head above everything. I feel like the situation isn’t even as bad as it seems, I just work it up so much in my head. I’ll be all confident about everything and it’ll work out if I put my mind to it and it’s what I want but I these intrusive thoughts like the whole stuck being friends thing or what if she falls for someone else or starts to date some one else? Especially while I’m still friends with her… I don’t know how I would deal with that. I want her in my life regardless what happens but the thought of her moving on is gut wrenching and I just don’t know if I could handle her being around still if that happened.