he went away and came back a different person

Breakup Help no-contact-rule
1

My ex broke up with me just over a week ago. That weekend he had been to a festival, and before he went, everything seemed fine.

When he got back, he said we needed to talk, because he was feeling disconnected.

We’ve been together 15 months, and from the beginning have told each other we’re the loves of each others’ lives, and that it was forever… I’ve supported him through a lot of his mental heath issues, including long times on unemployment, and I never gave up on him.

But now he’s saying that we have no future, because we’re incompatible. We were arguing a bit recently, but it was always over stupid things, and I can’t really believe he’s throwing it away. He’s now saying that he doesn’t like my friends, we’re incompatible and he’s not invested in me anymore.

I’m completely heartbroken but I’ve just started NC. I just hope it works.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

2

I should add that I made all the mistakes when he broke up with me: pleaded, begged, cried, bargained, followed him down the street…

I should also add that he said he still loved me.

3

Hi Lin,

Any new updates since you first posted? I’m going through something similar. I too was told we were incompatible. It all surprised me.

How is no contact going?

4

Hey,

No, still very much the same. On day 3 now!

I’m moving out to a new flat tomorrow, and I’m keeping busy with searching for a new job, so staying positive! The emails are helping me with moving on already, so I’m confident that by day 30 I’ll be in a better place to decide whether I really want to chase after him or not.

Of course right now he’s all I want… but I have to be strong and not contact him because I know he wouldn’t respond to me anyway. :frowning:

Very strange that after over a year suddenly we’re not compatible. I find it hard to believe, and I hope he realises his mistake.

SO all in all… OKAY. haha. How long have you been NC for? How’s it going?

5

Happy to hear you are staying positive!

I completed 30 days no contact last week. We have slowly and surely been making contact. He actually called me today! Taking things slow for now.

The first days are the most difficult since you are breaking the routine of talking to your ex. I recommend to just continue staying busy and focus on yourself. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps. And reading the emails help.

I think time helps. Hopefully at some point you’ll be able to reconnect, that’s of course if you want to.

Best of luck and sending some positive vibes to you from the states!

6

Thank you. Good luck with your relationship! It sounds like everything was positive for you in the end. Let me know how it all goes!

7

I’m on day 5 no contact and feeling really low :frowning:

Any advice from anyone going through the same thing?

8

Stay busy! Just keep moving, make plans. everyday I write my feelings down, take a walk, go the gym, be with friends or family. Do nice things for other people.

No contact is really hard but I’ve realized it’s not a waiting game, it’s a chance to focus on yourself. How often do we get the chance to do that? I think it comes down to perspective on the situation.

The best advice I was given is to not only feel the emotions but learn to work through them.

Keep positive! You can do this!

9

Thought I’d provide an update.

It’s my 30 days NC this week. It has been very reassuring to have a date to look forward to, and knowing that you have stuck to NC for at least a month. At the beginning I couldn’t wait for it to be over, but now I’ve gained more perspective, I think I’m going to continue it for a bit longer. Perhaps even another month.

I’ve definitely been going through the break-up cycle of emotions and grief. Sometimes I’m furious, other times I’m sad and down, but then I’m happy and actually proud of myself and my life. Kevin called it a rollercoaster… it certainly has been!

I haven’t heard from my ex and I didn’t expect to. He needs to space as much, if not more, than I do. SO much about our relationship has started to make sense to me, and I reckon he’s probably going through a lot of the same emotions and epiphanies that I am. Therapy has also been really useful (as out Kevin’s emails and worksheets) and I can already feel myself becoming a better person, a better communicator and it’s really great.

Of course I’m still sad, I still miss my ex. But I’ve also started to realise the abundance mindset.

My self esteem was on the floor a month ago, but now I realise it didn’t have to be. I have endless opportunities to find someone who loves me and who is right for me. This person might be my ex, and it might not be. Only time will tell.

Anyway, I just wanted to update anyone that’s on this board who is currently feeling down during NC because it DOES GET BETTER! Even if you haven’t reconciled yet, or maybe you never will, it still really does get better.

As I said my self worth a month ago was really, really low. But it’s amazing how resilient we are. I literally never thought I’d feel better again. I was wrong!

I’ll update again if I decide to contact him. I probably will, but it won’t be for a while.

10

lin91,

do you still frequent these boards? i’ve been off of here for awhile, but wondered if you ended up ever hearing from your ex and how you are feeling months later?

11

Glad to hear you feel better Lin, hopefully waiting, do you think you could help me? My post is titled Scared and Confused. It would be a huge help!