So I’ve been friends with a guy for almost 6 years and we are in the same friendship group. I knew he’d liked me for about 4 years but I’d never really seen him in that way. In May he messaged me and we started talking most days. In June he had a cardiac arrest and needed CPR for 8 minutes. Amazingly he survived and I knew I didn’t not want him in my life so we started dating. Things got quite serious quite quickly after that although we did go out and have a lot of fun together.
So we dated for 4 months and it was the best relationship I’ve ever had as we were best friends however we had poor communication about serious issues as neither of us wanted to hurt each other. We both felt things had gone too quickly but didn’t discuss this very well. I know I would retreat if there was an issue but he would listen to other people’s opinions or make things up in his head and believe them. Ultimately I think it was loss of attraction that broke us up.
Fast forward to now I did the no contact for a month and it all went perfectly. We started chatting more regularly and I used the ACT techniques. We met up for a few drinks and it was lovely. We were very connected, he spoke a lot about his feelings, he was really vulnerable and we had a lot of fun. We then met at a party a few days later and we had both had quite a lot to drink. He told me that he missed me, I was his best friend, he always wanted to talk to me, it was hard for him not to be intimate with me as he wanted to kiss me and for us to have sex. We almost kissed that night but a friend stopped us. The next week we spoke every day and it was friendly, fun but also slightly more. This weekend it was my birthday and he came. He told me that he couldn’t dance with me that night because he couldn’t kiss me even though he wanted to. It was a great night until the end when a girl was all over him at the bar. Initially I didn’t care but I ended up having a go at him later even though he hadn’t done anything.
The next day (yesterday) we did message and I apologised for having a go at him. I told him that I still had feelings for him and being his friend was hard (completely against the EBP plan!). We had a really long phone conversation last night where we spoke about our relationship and how we both felt. He said that it was hard for him but that I was better off without him. He said that he was destructive which we spoke about him having a guard up. The conversation basically came to him saying he couldn’t be with me and that we are better as friends.
I do think we both need some space right now but it is so hard as we were both on the same page and wanted the same things but didn’t communicate them well. We both felt that if he hadn’t of had his cardiac arrest then we would still be together. We both still have feelings for each other but he doesn’t feel we can be together. I am upset with myself as I feel that I’ve ruined all the progress I made with the EBP plan as it was going perfectly and I think that if we hadn’t have had this argument 2 days ago then we would still be on track to getting back together.
Any advice on what to do?