Hard time forgiving myself for letting the grass be greener

My ex and I were together for 4 years. Full story is in other posts but she left for the first time 2 years ago, got into a relationship really quick with a new guy, then after 2 months came back and asked for forgiveness. We got back together. But then she left me in september last year and started dating another guy just as quick. But no relationship. After 1 month and a half of NC I texted her and we started talking. She told me how she loved me and wanted to try again. 3 weeks after that she changes her mind again and breaks up. Cuts me out completely without saying how she could go from loving and wanting to try again to breaking up. 2 weeks later I see her with another guy. Not the same one from 1 month ago. It’s been over 3 months and they are in a relationship still and they even went on vacation just a month after we broke up for the last time.

I’ve read around about GIGS and stuff and I can’t help but hating myself for letting the grass be so much greener or the other side. Our relationship was not perfect. We had a lot of fights towards the end. We were both stubborn and would not give up and a lot of our fights would be over texts which just seemed to worsen the situation. Her parents and her brother loved me until she turned them against me after the break up. I always spoiled her and stuff but I was lacking in the emotionally supportive department. I even admit that I sometimes took her for granted. I had realized all this and was so happy when she came back and wanted to try again so I could change all this upon self reflection but she left before I even had a chance.

This new guy is super sweet from what I’ve heard from mutual friends and he seems super in love with her. His profile picture on facebook is a picture of him and her dogs and his cover is a collage of pictures of them on vacation and stuff. She has not changed her profile picture or cover since we broke up though.

This new guy also has a bachelor in economics, something which I just started last semster and that is VERY important to her and her family, to be educated. His family is from the same country as her as well so I imagine he has it easy with her family and I guess that’s true since they let her go on vacation with this guy so quickly.

This new guy just seems like the whole package and I feel like I can’t compete and that my failures in our relationship has made it even worse.

I am having a hard time forgiving myself for this. Forgiving that I wasn’t better, that I wasn’t a more emotionally supportive, that I fought with her, that I hurt and made her sad when we argued.

No wonder she moved on so quick. He is everything I wasn’t and I bet she left me after all this time and never looked back.

If she left you for other men that many times before, I doubt it was anything wrong with what you were doing…

She obviously is going through some boy crazy phase and keeps jumping from guy to guy. Do you see the pattern here? She NEEDS to have a man in your life. I’m sure she loves you and still thinks about you, but her coming back to you all those times was only to fulfill whatever void she feels when she is single and needs a guy.

Just because some new guy has a major her rents like and seems happy on social media doesn’t mean anything. Appearances are just that…appearances. When you try to live up to someone else, you lose yourself. Regardless of what shes doing now, she fell for YOU at one point, and dated YOU. You embodied what she wanted in a guy for quite some time, and i can guarantee she wont have what you two had with anyone.

This isn’t the first time she moved on quick, so don’t be blinded by what this new guy does or how he acts. You can’t change the past. Whether she comes back or not, at least you have closure.

Thanks for the reply and I know she has her own issues. I just forgot to mention that we were each others first real relationship and first sexual partner. I just feel like she didn’t know any better that’s why she even stuck with me as long as she did and now that she has found this new guy she’s wondering what she ever saw in me and our relationship.

I’m not sad because I won’t get her back but because she meant a lot to me since she was the person I loved and my best friend for 4 years and I don’t want her to think back upon our time together thinking “ugh, what was I thinking”.