Hey friends,
My ex gf and I have been talking, calling, and sleeping on mic together for about 3 months. We officially were dating for 2 months and majority of the time spent together was great. She only lives 30 minutes away from my house is the distant wasn’t a big issue and a lot of the times she would sleep over my place anyways. We have talked about our futures together and everything seemed great. We wouldn’t really have big arguments often but there would be times that we got into an tensed up moment where one may have annoyed or hurt each other. They wouldn’t be too big of a deal and we would be back to old selves. There were two times where I hurt her by giving her attitude or raising my voice a bit to tell her to calm down when she was being all over my space when I was trying to work or play video games. I instantly regretted my actions and tried to apologize and communicate to ease the situation however, she has a avoiding attachment style where she prefers to just have her own space and not want to talk about it or be physically touched. I sadly had a anxious attachment style which made it hard for me to cope with the idea of not solving the situation as soon as possible as it would make me feel the relationship was in jeopardy. I should have given her the space she needed but it only escalated the situation even more. She had to leave my place and go to a close friend of ours house to get away from me. When she asked me to pick her up, she wanted to break up with me cause she felt that I was focusing too much on the relationship and not on my own self or ambitions. We eventually were able to find a compromise where if i showed improvement then we would be back together. After a couple days of being back to normal and loving, she goes on vacation overseas for about a month. We still kept in contact by calling and texting everyday and sometimes it would be me initiating it or her. For about 2 weeks, she would start acting more irritated or mean. Her frequency of saying, “i love you,” became less. However, i kept trying to be supportive and loving and would send all these texts to reassure her how much i loved her. A couple days ago, she seemed to be more distant and more mean than usual and i was trying to be more loving to compensate what i thought was her having a bad day. Eventually she confronts to me that she cant deal with the relationship anymore. Being the pathetic me, i kept trying to convince her to communicate and plead her to reconsider. She felt that I was being needy and insecure, so although i didn’t accept it at first saying that i was just trying to be supportive and loving; eventually i started to blame her for not being communicative enough or that there was some faults on her side of the relationship too. I later figured it was dumb of me to blame her for opening up what she felt and apologized for what i did. At that point i accept the break up and tell her that i need distance between us to deal with the hurt and wish her the happiness. She replies “K” and end our text conversation. I send her one last message saying that she was right and that i was being needy and insecure, and that i apologized for not respecting her wish to break up and wished her the best. It’s been DAY 2 of doing No Contact and she’ll be coming back from vacation in about a week. Sadly, she and I share the same small group of close friends we usually hang with and I’m not sure whether to be in the same hangouts all together with our friends or to stay away for at least till she initiates something with me. Lastly, today she posted on her twitter one of those sad relationship posts where it stated, “One of these mornings i won’t be there to love. You will look for me and i’ll be gone.” My first reaction was to try to reach out to her but the NC rule says i shouldn’t since in the end, I don’t want to be the desperate guy that she feels that she can get back or have around anytime. I’m scared of losing this person as she has one of the kindest hearts and to me is someone i can be with in the future. I’ve been focusing on trying to improve myself and my self esteem to build attraction but like i said, im scared that the NC strategy can also push her away for good. I have this golden rule where if i or a girl ever broke up, i would never rekindle a relationship again but this is the first time i have ever considered on breaking it cause she seems worth it.