Ex is contacting me during NC. What to do?

[keveff]

Hey guys,

So I was originally going to write out a brief background about my situation, but that “brief” ended up being long, so I opted out of that, but if its needed, I’ll just copy+paste it back in.

Anyway, the very brief version goes like this:

My ex and I have been in a LDR for about 2 years. Around the last few months, we kind of got distant because we got into arguments more frequently and she felt like she couldn’t tell me certain things anymore. Then comes along a new guy who is nice to her and they begin seeing eachother these past 2 months without me knowing till about 2-3 weeks ago. After bouncing back-and-forth between us, I told her she had to make a decision. So after I spent the last week with her (i visited her because she wanted to see me after so long), she decided to break up, mainly because of the LDR and how she thinks she’s too emotionally weak to handle it right now.

So we said our goodbyes Monday (Oct.5) morning. It was emotional for both of us because we had a really good relationship until the end and she still says she loves me and that things would be different if we lived in the same city.

Anyway, day 2 of NC, she messages me the following:

“I hope you’re doing ok :/”
“I know you don’t want to talk to me but just checking in”

I didn’t reply.

Later, she saw me on FB, and I logged off when she came on and she then texted me:

“I guess you dont want to talk to me at all”

Again, I didn’t reply and she said:

“Well, ok, I get the message. I’m sure you’re already moving on. No matter what, I still care about you.”

An hour later:

“I don’t know whats wrong with me”
“I feel so empty”
“I just don’t wanna be here”

I was planning to do NC for 14 days (I read some place that 14 days would be good since she has a new boyfriend and that I shouldn’t give them too much alone time), but this is day 2 and shes already like this. I’m also afraid she may hurt herself because she is very emotionally weak and has always been that way before I met her.

What should I do? Should I respond? I really do care about her and would love to get back with her.

Thanks!

[kiki6455]

Hey there…I’m no expert…but I think it would be ok to get in touch with her. The only reason I wouldn’t is if she is the type to play mind games. But if she is a genuine person, then get in touch. But is she still with the other guy? That would be a reason to wonder why she’s getting in touch if she’s with someone else.

Can you give me some male perspective on my situation? My bf and I have been broken up for about 6 weeks. I see him a lot b/c we are in the same group of friends. We broke up b/c he thought we were having too many fights and he didn’t like that they sometimes resorted to yelling and low blows. Not all the time, but he has escalated these arguments in his head. Most of the time when I see him among friends, I’ve kept my composure. one time, I started to talk about us, and he got really frustrated. I sent him a text message apologizing and was going to send him a message saying I accept we’re broken up and he doesn’t want to talk, but before I could a few days later, he said he was sorry to get frustrated and wanted to talk to me. So he came over and kept saying he’s not sure why he came, he just missed me and wanted to hold me. And he knew I wanted to talk. So I told him all the things I know went wrong and that we need to find a better way to talk to each other…and all this time we talked calmly. However, I said that him just coming over to hug me when he is not sure he wants to get back together is hurtful. Big mistake, b/c he immediately got up to leave. I did get from him that he’s still considering our relationship, but he needs some “epiphany”. What does this mean? I’ve told him since that it’s ok for us to see each other if he misses me if we are still trying to figure things out. But haven’t heard from him since then (10 days). Any advice??