Ending NC in 3 days, advice on first contact text messages?

Hey all,

I am almost done with NC, I’m on day 27. I need some advice/suggestions on what to text my ex to initiate contact. For those that have completed NC and initiated contact and got a response, what worked for you? suggestions?

Thanks!

I sent something like “hey, do you remember the name of that place we went camping at the beginning of the summer? A friend of mine is looking for a good camping spot”. I think something like that is good because 1. brings up good memories 2. Asks a specific question, not just “hey how are you?” and 3. maybe triggers a little jealousy, letting him/her know you are with a “friend” who could be more than that. For me he couldn’t remember the name of the spot but quickly came back with “how are you doing?”

Oh yea, that’s a great idea! Thank you so much!

If he replies to that initial question, do not give any insight about how you are feeling. Be pleasant and kind, but avoid relationship topics. He needs to think you’re over him and in a good place. It will make you more desirable, as we tend to want the things we can’t have. If it takes time for him to reply, make sure it takes you even more time to reply back. Always be less emotional than him in and preferably use less words than he does. Good luck!

Good ideas! I really hope I get some kind of a response.

I’d recommend doing something they can’t help but respond to. When I used it on my ex, I said “So I have a confession to make…” and it drove him NUTS lol. I didn’t respond for an hour (kind of mean but them dumping us is mean!). Then I was like, “Oh I was cleaning and found the tickets from when we went to see that comedian!” And quoted a line from the show. It sparked a positive conversation, and then I ended it. I saved a “jealousy” and “good memories” text for the second or third time I texted him.

@laur8907

great advice :smiley: would agree with everything she said

Thank you all so much!

I’m going to contact him tomorrow or the next day. brainstorming some text ideas and I need some thoughts/opinions.

What do you all think of this text?

Hey, I was cleaning and stumbled on my beach towel that says, “The beach is my happy place” it made me think of you and how you always say that.

Background info: My ex LOVES the beach and the ocean. He lives a few blocks from the beach. He would always talk about how the beach was his happy place. When I told him once I had this towel he freaked out. We went to the beach once and used this towel and he jokingly told me he was going to steal it.

I really want to send him a text about football because that’s his leverage point but he’s favorite team has a losing record and one of his fantasy players is injured. I don’t know what to text about football…that’s positive…

I like the “I have a confession to make” text but I think I’ll save that as a last resort. That one could really freak my ex out. Do more harm than good.

thoughts?

Not going to lie, I’m nervous for you haha

Your text sounds good though, by what you have said about him. That is a really positive memory. I think an exclamation point after the quote for what the towel says would be good. Just because it kind of shows some energy and gives off the vibe that you are happy and you genuinely was surprised you found it. Reading the text without it just kind of gave me that “you making an excuse to talk to me” vibe like you have another motive. But putting the excitement in it kind of takes the pressure off little of him feeling like you are going to lead this convo in another direction.

Thats what i think though :slight_smile:

@dopierk

Why are you nervous for me? Haha

I woke up this morning and I kind of feel like that text is not good enough and maybe too cheesy. I’m so stumped. I feel like I have myself convinced that he is not going to reply, that nothing I text will matter. I know that’s a terrible way for me to think but it’s just my gut feeling.

Oh just because I know you have been waiting for this haha, I know my ex would reply to just about anything I send, but people are different so its hard navigating “the perfect reach out”.

But if you feel like he won’t reply, don’t rush it. Take your time and think about it. Maybe we can brainstorm more options haha I know all the advice usually says reach out and say something relating to an old memory, but i feel like thats pretty tough to do. I think that should be saved for the second text, and the first should be more “friendly” and neutral, unless you know what is going on their side of life. Like if they are with someone, are they going through rough times, are they happy ect.

Maybe there is something you can talk about thats more of an update? If y’all have anything in common still. Oh i just thought about this, in reference to the towel you can make a joke out of it.

Hey! I was cleaning and stumbled on my beach towel that says, “The beach is my happy place” it made me think of you and how you always say that. Haven’t been able to find it, wouldn’t be surprised if you snook in and took it lol

Today is day 30 for you. Good luck. Let us know what you end up saying and how his response is.

Mosis, I like your idea of making a joke of it. It takes a lot of the pressure off. Makes it carefree. We were always silly with each other.

I’m not sure what I would update him on. We have a lot in common but I can’t think of any updates he would respond too.

I’m going to think of more texts tonight and get y’alls feedback.

Great just take your time :slight_smile:

anything you send just don’t make it anything that puts pressure on him to “feel emotion” if you make him laugh or get him responding or even when he see your text, the emotion part will be their automatically.

This is very true!

Update:

I contacted him tonight for the first time since NC. It went ok.

Our convo:

Me: Hey, I just discovered a new Mexican place tonight. It made me think of you. I know how much you love Mexican food!

Him: What is the place?

Me: [name of restaurant] Ever been?

Him: I have not

Me: You should check it out! Gotta run, talk to you later.

Him: Ook

Him: Random

So, I’m really glad he responded to me, but his answers were very neutral. His last texts make me think he is somewhat confused why I was texting him out of the blue. I think I need to give him some more time and try again in a week or so. With a completely different kind of text. It’s just hard to tell how he is feeling, very different texting vibe than what I’m use to from him. It’s like he has a poker face on or something.

thoughts?

it was the way you ended the convo… you kinda rushed it so it was kinda like umm okay… thanks…?