I’ll try to make this as short as possible, but my ex and I were together for almost 4 years and started dating in high school. We have been back and forth a lot mostly due to the fact that we are so young and don’t know how to handle such a serious relationship. Anyways he tends to get very standoffish and distant at times and then that causes me to become very needy and annoying. Well last week things were just very awkward and weird between us and then last Thursday we talked in person and he told me that he had been thinking about it for a little while and thought we should break up. He proceeded to say that he needed space to be single and “find himself”. While I agreed that we could both use some time to take a little space and gain some new perspective I didn’t think breaking up fully was the right way to go and continued to act needy. What really annoyed me was how he wouldn’t even really discuss it with me and seemed like he had his mind set when I thought such a serious relationship deserved more consideration than that. By the end things were kind of weird he was getting angry because I wasn’t making it “easy” for him. When I left I asked if we could just take some space before really breaking up and he said yes and I left. We haven’t talked in 5 days and so I don’t know if and when I should text him and what I should say? He might be in the mindset now that he really just wants to break up fully and so I’m scared to get that response. At the same time I’m scared if I don’t text him at all he will just never text me again and move on completely. What should I do?
What you’ve written about is somewhat common. When someone starts dating early, they might think relationships are easy to come by and wonder if something else is better out there. They don’t value the relationship as much as they should because they think the world is full of relationships like this and they are easy to get. It is not just a problem in relationships, it happens in lots of other areas of life as well where people just don’t know how good they have it.
Does that sound like what happened in this relationship or was it something else?
I understand you are scared to text him and get an answer. Honestly, at this point, given what you wrote, the answer it sounds like you would get is that he wants to break it off right now. I know that’s not what you want to hear. I know you don’t want to lose him and you’d probably rather hold on hope and not text him and hope it all blows over but you know it probably isn’t going to.
However, I also don’t think you should assume the relationship is lost.
Do you think its accurate to say that he takes the relationship for granted? That he can always assume you will always be there if he wants you to come back?
Does he feel that he can not contact you for a couple weeks and then if he tells you he wants you back, you’ll come running back? Is he ever worried about losing you or does he feel like he can make these decisions without any consequences?
If you started dating other guys, do you think he would care? Has he sacrificed anything in his live for you (moved, gave up some hobby, etc.)?
Do you think contacting him at this point would make him change his mind or push him away?