Hello all! My name is sam I’m new to all of this and this will probably be a long post haha but just as I’m sure most of us feel I think I need a bit of “specialized advice” I’ll start from the beginning
Long long ago I had found a very old friend of mine that I used to date in high school (at that time it was 8 years prior)
We talked a bit and I found out she had just got out of a 6yr toxic relationship full of drug and abuse and had been seeing another man (I call him the orinigal rebound) we decided to hang out and within days her and I had become and item and within 3 months moved into a home together.(I had become the rebound haha so I thought) fast forward 3 yrs later. We end up moving back into her childhood home with her family and within a month mr. “original rebound” is showing up at the house while I’m at work or showing up at odd hours of the night. Obviously caused issues I eventually convinced her to get rid of him for good and we moved away. That same year we found out she was pregnant so we moved to a bigger and more child friendly area and raised our daughter.
Fast forward 4 yrs later (been together 7 yrs at this point, married, big house, nice jobs, beautiful 4 yr old daughter, dogs, cats, yada yada the Dream life if you will.) but we grow distant I gain a lot of weight, we quit having sex, we start fighting a lot you know how it goes
Well wr end up having a good talk and she decides that she needs some space to think about things and so she moves to her moms apartment for a few days and begs that our daughter stays with me. During the first week of this “space” she needed my daughter decides to tell me about her new friend That she has so much fun with and that it’s really awesome because her new friends dad is mommy’s “buddie” and they kiss like me and mommy do…keep in mind my ex hasn’t seen our daughter sense she moved out… well for some reason I had a bad feeling and asked my daughter to show me where her new friend lives. My four year old daughter had been to this friends house so many times she knew exactly where to take me…and wouldn’t you know it! It’s the original rebounds house… all hell broke loose and I dropped her like a bad habit, only communication we had was weekly but only about our daughter.
It has now been a year that her and him have officially been together and it’s been 8 months sense she moved out of my house. Well last Friday our daughter had to have her tonsils removed and that ment that for the first time in what felt like forever her and I would be forced to not only spend the entire day together but to sleep in the same room together as well… it took about 3 hours into the morning before she was telling me how controlling original rebound was and how she hated him and showed me messages between the two of them and how emotionally abusive this man has become calling her names like “replaceable, whore, lazy, good for nothing” all because she stayed with our daughter in the hospital and I was there as well… she explained that she wanted to leave him but didn’t know how and that she was commuted and felt that she was Inlove with him at one point and had hope…but also realized that the only man that could ever love her the way she needed to be loved was me… I explained to her without hesitation that I would not be her savior, that should could not just do what she did and then run back to me when she decided it wasn’t good enough. But that I understood being in a abusive situation and agreed that she needed to get out of there and I offered her a room here. She did not accept and ended up going back to him again and for some reason it broke my heart more then it did when I found out she was cheating…I shut down once again and two days later on Easter I get a text saying that she needed moving boxes and was coming home. She came and spent all day Easter with me and I felt the need to have a huge cook out and went all out. She told me how much of an amazing time she had and how she missed it and then grabbed her phone got upset and said she had to go I asked if she was going to come back and all she could say was “I’m sorry”
Since then it has been nothing but miscommunications and fighting and acting like we just broke up and I’m a huge piece of trash or something, but what’s weird is that I haven’t wanted her back until now… I’m not sure if it’s the situation she is in or if it was the amazing weekend we spent together but I feel like I just fell Inlove with her all over again…and after reading all these articles tonight I realize I have made EVERY mistake within this past year that your told not to lol
I paid $300 in groceries for her house (including rebound boy and his son)
Just today paid to turn her phone back on
(But to defense that I had no way to contact my daughter otherwise and for some reason rebound couldn’t pay the $80)
I have called her names he’ll probably every name in the book,
Begged for her back
Became super nice trying to be the bigger man
And worst of all I think personally my biggest mistake was getting violent with mr rebound.
(Long story short he threatened to beat mine and my ex wife’s ass because we were hugging and said this in front of our daughter and then proceeded to swing his fist inches from my mothers face to give her the bird because she told him to watch his mouth infron of the child…so just like almost all of us I snapped and swung)
This year has been one of the hardest and I thought I hated her for everything she was but the second she says she needs me and loves me still I just melt like ice and fall head over heels
I want her back, I want our family, and most of all I want to save her from the hell shes in…
Am I stupid? Is the damage to far Done? Are her and I to far gone?
Or is this just a classic case of “I need to make sure I can run back to you just Incase”
I don’t know guys I thought I was over all this I had even started dating again and now I’m just a wreck and I feel like I can’t even focus on being a good father over it. I’m lost and need some kind of direction. Is it to late to start the no contact? And how do I give no contact while trying to co-parent?
