Depression and Irrational decisions?

reconciliation
1

Hi Kevin,

A few days back my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. We are still in a long distance relationship, he has visited the city twice, the first time for a week, and the second time this summer for a month, where we were intimate for the first time. Everything seemed going well until he went back home to this small small town. He became distant and was not as attentive as he used to be.
I am a senior in college and he is going to be a freshman this fall, there is an age difference but we never thought much out of it, we both were working on common goals and talked about moving in together after a while and then get married.

Back at home he was starting to get depressed and had anxiety because of all the drastic changes he is about to make, move to another city (mine) go to a new college (he chose this college because i am in it, he was originally coming here to be with me), new people, being in a serious relationship, our talk about the future etc. and so when he broke up with me he said he still loved me, he is being loyal and does not want to end it, BUT he is very depressed and feels the need to be alone but still wants to keep me as a friend with no immediate plans of coming back together. He also mentioned that he can go from being very happy to feeling depressed, and that he feels he is unbalanced and unstable. Our plans for the future freaked im out since now in college he wants to see if he can study abroad and be free. I am completely excited for him to do that but he felt I was pressuring him and keeping him from doing that. It just hurt me that i heard him talk like i was not in those plans, like asking me for space. We are talking just like friends, im keeping it totally casual, calling him by his name, telling him im here if he needs me etc. I feel like it was my duty to be his support as I think his decision was not rational and he needs to seek perhaps professional help. He also mentions that if he comes here and sees me he is gonna give in and want to date me, but once he goes home for the holidays he will have those thoughs again, I personally blame depression and his small town where there is nothing to do. am I doing the right thing? Is there any hope there?

2

Hey,
I think you should start NC and follow the 5step plan.It will absolutely increase your chances.
When you are still contacting him,you are not giving him a chance to miss you.
When you start NC,he will forget every negative thing and he will remember the good memories and he will miss you more.
I suggest you to text him and say that you have been thinking and you have accepted the breakup and you think it was the best decision for both of you.Say that you think both of you need some space and you can be friends after some time and space.
Then start NC,make positive changes in your life and concentrate on yourself.

Here’s a checklist for ending no contact.

-You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
-You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
-You have made a few positive changes in your life.
-You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
-You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
-You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
-You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

Good luck