Complicated situation

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

I need some thoughts on this. Me and my ex have a weird situation going on. Ever since she got a new boyfriend almost 3 months ago, she been working real hard to remove me from every single socialnetwork site there is. You would think it’s because she hates me and want nothing to do with me but that’s not the reason at all.

It’s that her boyfriend is the jealous type, being friends at FB and IG and such is a big threat to him. Recently she kissed her female friend on a Snapchat video when she was drunk and he went ape shit over it. So he needs the remote control all the time. Also doesn’t like her friends who he thinks is immature.

The last time i talked with her was when she just started to remove me from social media, She almost cried and told me (“Removing you from my life is the hardest thing i ever done”). We had a great conversation but at the end of it all she said (“I don’t know if you will hear from me again”). and later texted me (“I’m sorry, But i have moved on and it’s best if we break all contact. I hope you will find someone who makes you happy. good luck with life”)

After some 40 days of NC i did send her a friendly text 3 weeks ago but she didn’t answer, and i do understand her because apparently he been asking if i’ve have contacted her recently. And she don’t want to make him mad by talking to me.

But yesterday i got an intuition to call her. She doesn’t really know why she answered but she did and we talked 1½ hour and it was amazing. Catching up on life, talking about fun memories, the future, laughing like crazy. It’s still like nothing have changed between us after all this time, we have a great connection and she’s so comfortable with me that it’s unreal. She knows that she want to have me in her life. But she can’t because of him. And as she said “I wanted to have you in my life and tried until it became impossible”.

None of us wanted to hang up the phone but unfortunately she really had to go so i told her “I will call you again sometime, maybe in one month or so” She replied “I will not answer”. i told her “Yeah you will, you do know that you actually want to talk to me, You like our fun conversations”. She said “I know what you mean”

She know that’s the truth and you could hear it in her voice the whole time.
But she told me that she can’t because of the complicated situation and that she will reach out if it doesn’t work out between them. Last thing i said was “we’ll talk again sometime soon”, And she said “No we won’t”, i said “Yes we will, i’m not giving up on this thing we have laughing”. She didn’t say anything more about it (didn’t agree to it nor disagree either) But i know that she still wants to have me in her life. And wouldn’t hesitate if it was possible.

What do you think i should do going forward? Call her again sometime and just check if she will answer? Or just wait until their relationship breaks?

2

@MrMark - I know you were with your ex a long time and she doesn’t want to cut you out of her life completely. But having fun and friendly conversations doesn’t mean she wants you back. Yes, she enjoyed the conversation, but she doesn’t want you to contact her again. Her boyfriend is the jealous type and forced her to cut you off so maybe over time she will grow to resent him for his negative type behaviors. I don’t think you should call her again as it might aggravate her and the boyfriend. If you told her that you’ll be there for her when she needs you, that would be enough for now. And if the boyfriend starts getting on her nerves and makes her unhappy, she might decide to leave him. Only time will tell and you probably need to be patient and wait it out…

Curious as to the reasons she left you.

3

patricia12 - I understand what you say. Friendly fun conversations ain’t much evidence that she wants me back. But that’s all i can do atm, being too flirty when i haven’t talked to her in such a long time would just scare her away further i think. My instinct tells me that she is unsure of me. And she have all reasons to be, cause she left me because i didn’t show that i cared. Alot of long relationships end due to one of the parties gets too comfortable, stop doing the special things, showing affection in romantic ways.

And i am guilty of this, i got so focused on other parts of life, i moved to a new city, started new studies, got new friends. My life took a turn and she was in second place. I wasn’t there when she needed me anymore, and it all died out. She gave me hints that i was about too lose her but still i was so comfortable, didn’t believe in a thousand years she would leave me. Because our relation was such a special one, like none us have ever experienced before. So different compared to our earlier relationships. But i understand now that if you don’t maintain what you have created, it will fall apart. And that she can’t stay if it’s just a dream i promote, that maybe one day i will change. Actions speak louder than words. And words was almost everything in the end.

Now i’m more centered. I know what i want in life, what’s important and what is not. I also made a lot of improvements and am a different man because of this experience. I just wish i woke up earlier and didn’t hurt the one i love.

I really don’t know what to do going forward. I’m always patient, but sometimes i get the urges to act. And i’m curious if she would answer if i called her again in 3-4 weeks. But maybe it’s best to let their relationship take its course. I don’t want too rush things cause i don’t think it would create a healthy relationship.