My situation is a very tricky one.
I went to one date with a girl I spoke to over the internet for two weeks. Did not work but she introduced me to a friend of her, 23 years old virgin who had self esteem issues.
We had something great going over text messages, however I was a wreck emotionally and self-confidence wise due to a severe burn out.
Needless to say, she was disappointed, we still went to a second date where we had her first time and were going to a second date.
Issue, I panicked over her not answering a text on the day of my father’s death years prior, called her, and showed all my insecurities. After that she wanted to break up.
I did not call her for one week and then tried calling, but she did not pick up, and I sent a sms asking her when she would be available which came across as needy : She basically blocked me.
Two days after I sent to her a text, apologising for putting pressure on her, ex priming regrets, and telling her about an awesome time I had in London.
Unfortunately, after two weeks of no contact afterwards, I was a wreck, I called her (and her friend) and she freaked out.
After this, my burn out translated into a heart issue and I was hospitalised, barely coherent, I sent around one text per day, tried calling her… My mother who was worried called her friend who felt harassed.
In the end she answered to tell me she would claim for harassement, she felt all of it was very creepy. And I agree.
Unfortunately, for one week afterwards I did not let up, I accused her of being cold, and just basically using me as a hook up, tried then calling her three times a night begging her to pick up…
Through all of that, she never blocked me on whatsapp which I used to call her.
After this, I was slowly and finally regaining my confidence and recovering from a one month stay in hospital (very severe case of burn out).
I wrote a letter (telling her I had always had stress issues and fucked up because I could feel myself falling in love with her, telling her what I was doing in my life to remedy that, joking with her on events that happened prior, and a very bad idea, asking her to recontact me but starting from scratch, while emphasising our common interests - which came across as needy).
I did not send the letter, I waited one month, and gave it to a friend who happens to live right next door to her. She went to see her and gave her the letter, which she took.
She told my friend “I don’t know if I can go back together with him, he harassed my friend and I don’t want to lose her as a friend” and also “I want someone sure of himself”
Still, she took my friend (a woman)’s coordinates and told her she would think about answering - this was about one week and a half ago.
As of now, I feel way better, and feel that if I went to see her in person, to simply instead thank her for the breakup (which made me aware of my own burn out issues), presenting myself as the new “me” - In all my retrieved self-confidence - it could very well work.
I don’t plan on begging her, I actually feel as if I’m in a position of strength I was not two months prior.
I have more experience than her, I know how to convince, and more importantly I feel strong.
She is single.
Also, I believe her friend to basically take all decisions for her. So I would have to apologise and try and be her friend’s friend.
I have three options to go and see her :
1 - Ask my friend to call her (they have each other coordinates) and tell her I would like to meet up, in a casual way, not to talk about getting back together which I do not want as of now, but so she could see for herself the changes.
2 - We commute through the same train station, I can wait for her there as it’s on my way anyway. As she liked it when I was dominating (instead of weak and needy), I could tell her “I have something to thank you for” (the break up) “and other wonderful things to talk about, we are going to the coffee booth, I do not want to talk standing up”
3 - Go see my friend and basically wait for her as she goes home.
It could all go horribly wrong, but depending on HOW I act I believe I can instead change everything. As she will never expect the weak guy she met back then to have recovered into my usual self.
And my usual self is…well… VERY confident and no-bullshit.
Alternatively, I could send a message through WhatsApp, but the length of it would make it so I would never know if she actually read it. As of now, she has no interest in me and believe me to be someone needy and pitiful.
Even if my friend did tell her several things to get her out of said conception.
So… What do I do ?
She has cons, I see them, the fact
She always take decisions with her friends, her indecision, the fact
she is inexperienced, her lack of chest (not really and issue but well).
She also has pros : She has the same passions as me, she is funny, she has wit.
Any thoughts ? I know that if I can speak with her “live” I will completely upturn the situation. NOT BY BEGGING OR SAYING I LOVE YOU. But by saying things I really believe :
“I was indeed in love, but to be with someone I need to know if I can trust them. If I actually get along with them. I also need the person to be a woman, not a girl. Know that the person CAN take her own decisions pertaining to her life.
Because I know what I can offer to a woman, but I don’t know if you can offer me what I seek.”
This kind of mindset.