After two months of our break up which was pretty ugly, as he lied and told me he wants to be alone and he is not in love with me anymore he started to date and after 2 weeks he was posting pictures with this girl ( I was not the one who stalked I deleted him, but my friends) he wrote me that how sorry he is and wanted to know if I still hate him. when I did not answer him and deleted his messages he wrote me like 5 hours later saying how grateful he is for the two years that we gave to each other… still I did not answer him and I do not understand why he wanted to contact me… i do not know what happens in his life but i just do not understand… any thoughts?
Your situation sounds really similar to mine. My ex of 2 years also told me that he wanted to be alone and that he wasn’t going to see anyone else. But he is involved with someone else. It is just so heartbreaking. He hasn’t contacted me like your ex contacted you, but I think ignoring him is the best thing to do right now. Even if you want to get back together with him. If you ignore him it will make him try hard to get you and he won’t want to lose you again.
@Nicholle thank you for your opinion. Well he did not say that he wants me back just wanted to know if a still hate him. I am ignoring him as if i reply it will be only me who will come out as the “looser”. I do not want to get back together as i would never could trust him anymore. Is just i would really want to know why he has to contact me?! He should be happy with his “choice” which is ridicoluous she is so not at the same level as me. But i hope he will never contact me again… yes the heartbreak i could not do this again.
He’s trying to get on your good side, just in case he needs money or a place to stay and you are the other option. He’s a jerk! NEVER take him back. He’s not trust worthy. Block him if you can.
@patricia12 thank you for your feedback. He does not want to get back together just wanted to clear his conscious. he has a girlfriend I assume. so there is no chance for getting back together at all as he does not want to and as a matter of fact I do not want to either. I ignored his texts and deleted them it was just a tiny triumph that he contacted me and I was strong enough not to answer him at all. but you are right he only wants to get on my good side, just do not understand he made a terrible decision by leaving me and like this and what does he think that I will forgive him and we can be friends? he does not feel what an awful thing he did and what he lost.
People are human and can make mistakes. I am not going to say you should respond to him or not. I can only say that people make mistakes, people can change and even good people screw up. None of us are perfect. This doesn’t mean anyone has to live with someone else’s lies or should contact them after a breakup.
From what you wrote, it sounds like he either wants to clear his conscience or get back with you. Probably the latter or he wouldn’t be contacting you at all. I can’t know what his mindset it from what you wrote. I wish you the best.
@mr_the_ex thank you for your point of view. Even if he wants to get back together which I am pretty sure that he does not as he only wrote me that how grateful for the 2 years that we gave each other and wanted to know if I still hate him. I could never forgive him and I am not the same person as I was, no longer insecure of needing the validation of a person who throws away a special thing what we had because he has problems with himself and dating after only 2 weeks with a girl who is nothing comparing to me. Posting that he has the best girlfriend because she made her breakfast… after only 2 weeks that he told me he wants to be alone and I do not care if they are still together or not or it is not working out as he hoped for, for me it will be a rebound as both of them just got out from a serious relationship plus she is 10 years younger than us. so yeah it is better for me that he gets the hint that I do not want him in my life at all. People are making mistakes you are right but they have to live with this and if you make a decision know the consequences. I am really thankful for your opinion as all my friends are kinda saying the same. every opinion counts 
Sorry for bothering you guys, but I am having a bad day. I was doing so well after the break up I am improving myself inside and out. But I just can not shake the feeling why he had to contact me and I am afraid that he will again, everyone keeps telling me that he will just be strong. and everyone tells me that yeah he will but because he will be in trouble as I am the safe option. but is there a scenario that he wants to get back together because he realized that he loves me? I am aware that when you are in love it is really strong for a short time but loving someone can last for a long time. but I just do not know what I want I feel weak at the moment. I would have been fine if he would just leave me alone and be with his “choice” I do not know anything about him and I am happy not to know anything at all but I am just scared that in a few weeks or month he will be on my porch telling me how sorry he is and wants to talk… how can I get over this?
@daisy88 - I’m sorry you’re having a bad day:( You said you couldn’t trust him and don’t want him back, so it shouldn’t matter why he contacted you. You can get over this by reminding yourself that he said he wasn’t in love with you, dumped you, got a another woman and posted pictures of her.
If you want to get over someone and you are finding it difficult, sometimes it helps to reminds yourself of about all the horrible things they did. And if you have repeated thoughts about something, you can have a little mantra you can repeat to yourself that helps stop the thoughts. Something like “he left me and …” <something negative>. The positive thoughts and wishes can be countered by repeating the mantra and remembering the negative.
This isn’t to bring yourself to hate him, it is just to help you disconnect by remembering the pain which is the reason you don’t want to contact him.
Thank you guys so much. It helps but yet again he contacted me yesterday only wit a printscreen about netflix that my fav series’s new season is available. He even draw a red circle and an arrow. I ignored it and delete it. After the first contact i was like okey he wanted to close our relationship for the last time, but after this i do not know. This is clearly a reminder that i still think about you when something comes ul that reminds me of you. I just do not get it he made a decesion… but yes i need to be over it and not to focus on this at all. I hope that he got the message that i do not want anything from him. Just this shakes me… feeling sad
If you don’t want him contacting you, deleting the message with no response was the best way to handle things. My guess is still that he wants to get back with you in some way or he wouldn’t be contacting you at all. If you’ve told him you don’t want him to contact you and he still does it, he isn’t respecting you.
Thank you, for the comfort it really helps. I will shake myself and get over this. If he contacts again I truly hope that he will not then I will ask his friend to tell him that I do not want to anything with him and I will not reply at all. I hope that it does not have to come to this and can understand that this is the conscience of his decision.
Hello, again I got a contact this time it was a request to follow me on instagram… I allowed it for 2 reasons. one being that I am doing well and I want him to see that I am fine without him and he made the right decision. the other part is that his gf should see that his bf wants to check on his ex… what kind of relationship is that? there are some rumors going that he left her. I am strong not thinking about him not posting a lot I am not a teenager. I am just scared that he will continue this and maybe it is for the best as I want to close this once and for all. but after 2 months that suppose to be the best period in a relationship our was. and not thinking about the ex. i know he made a big mistake and hopefully he is scared of me. but what are the reasons he wants to be in my life? to clear his conscious? in the last 3 weeks he contacted me 6 times, so i don’t think so, be friends? it sounds so stupid not enough time has past for that. and if he wants to reconcile why he is not just contact me in person? and he is not afraid that his gf would see that he is following me and checking my profile? sooo weird i am strong and happy without this whole thing i can say that i am 99% over the break up. but i want to be 100% and i feel in order to have that we need a sit down. but i do not want to make the first move. i don’t think so that he wants me back just really want to know what he wants. any thoughts? thank you
ohh and one more piece of information, someone told me that she posted last week that: “you punish me for what you have done”… maybe it has nothing to do with that but easily can be as the story and what happened it adds up. i know no social media and i know i act like a teenager but in 2017 you can not miss anything everyone talks and everyone is interested in airing other’s dirty laundry. i am not checking anything i am proud and keeping my distance i could easily get information but i am not doing that, but people care about my well being and I honestly can say that i am doing sooo much better and i feel empowered just really want to close this in order to really move on.
thank you guys
I don’t think you want to close this once and for all. I think you want to believe he wants you back. Your reason for allowing him to follow you on Instagram is more proof. Nobody needs to sit down and have a chat with an ex in order to get over a break up. It’s something you deal with internally on your own.
If you want to try and reconcile, you will need to have a calm discussion. I suggest you do that sometime soon so you can settle this in your own mind one way or the other. He might not come back to you or he might ask for a second chance. It’s up to you how to proceed from there…
The mind and the heart are two different things. The heart wants what it wants. That’s why there are so many love songs and why relationships are so painful when they go wrong.
You say you are 99% over him. That’s your mind speaking. Reading your posts, it is obvious your heart isn’t 99% over him. And you know that because you say you are worried you will be weak. It sounds like you are worried you will get back with him if he does want you back.
What is the reason you are worried you will get back with him? Is it because he left for some other girl? Is it because you think he was cheating on you with the other girl or because he lied about the reason for the breakup?
Is that the only reason or are there others? Were things good other than that?
He is obviously not over you as he is contacting you in different ways.
Maybe he thought he could get a better deal but it didn’t work out. You said this “People make mistakes you are right but they have to live with this and if you make a decision know the consequences.”
And I agree completely.
But, to me, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. We have to deal with the consequences and try to make them right if we can. Sometimes we can’t make them right. Sometimes we can make them “right enough”.
Could a relationship with him ever work? Is there any way he could make things “right enough”? He can’t change the past but is there anything he could do to make things “right enough” for the future for you.
If there isn’t, you should fight your heart, delete the instagram follow and have no contact at all, in any way, for at least a month from here.
If there is, you need to continue to work on making your life better and if he does come back and you go with it, make sure it is clear what he needs to do to make things “right enough”. If he does it, it is a sign of respect and that things could work. If he doesn’t, it is a sign of disrespect and it just won’t work.
I wish you the best.
I was thinking a lot about your words and made me look deep in myself. I can honestly say that we had a pretty special relationship we had such a strong connection and chemistry since the beginning. he was my first real love and I was his first real love, we lived together and had a good harmony. the reason for having problems were that he could not face himself. he had personal issues like could not get a proper job and did not have much money and it frustrated him. he is really smart but can not face problems. he did his things the same way as he left me. did not think just did. it was not about this girl as it is clear that did not work out. he needed to escape I am an adult having a good job a flat a car where he suppose to be and could not match this standards but I supported him not just financially but emotionally but if you can not face the problems the person who tries to help you becomes the enemy who wants you to deal with yourself, even tough you know that this person is right and wants you to be happy. this was the easy way out, the reason form him was that he was not in love anymore and this is just an excuse. yes I was stressed I gained weight I wanted him to be successful because he wroth it, he is not a bad person in fact he is a good one and he did all of this “bad thing” out of stress and fear. I was a partner a good one he not so much but I know him he wanted to but screwed up.
after the break up I went trough a really tough time I felt not wanted and ugly and not loved but I have accepted later that he moved on with this girl and now he can have a carefree summer and being a teenager again, I started to develop myself loosing weight and loving myself and after just 2 months I was okey did not think of this I have amazing friends that supported me and loved me and life came back.
everyone told me that once he will be out of money and has to move back to his parents or the girl will realize that who he is she live break up with her. and maybe they were right at the time and they predicted that within 4-5 months he wants to crawl back ( during the summer he had a job which lasted for 2 months in the countryside) but so soon? the job not even ended now they could be together for real not doing long distance. but no he immediately contacted me and the last 3 weeks he did quite a lot. the reason I am feeling weak because I am confused, I know him I knew him every single thing what he feels how he thinks, and now I do not know what he wants. yes it is easy to say to get over him he is not right for you but who knows this person or the relationship that we had? me. not 1 year passed only 2,5 months. and he did not change at all it seems as he is not man enough to stand in front of me to tell me what he wants. okey he is now facing the break up and maybe does not know what he wants and he made a huge mistake and people are not perfect but me neither I don’t know what I want because he does not know what he wants and you get over the break up internally yes I agree but not when your ex is trying to get back in your life these distraction can ruin my getting over process. I am tired emotionally I was the one who had to face all the problems mainly mine and getting over the fact that the person I cared about the most and loved so much left me for a girl who is not comparable with me. yes it was a downgrade and I should not be mad at her but I am, I am honest and I am angry at her. and him too. but I want to close this I want to know what is his end game and go from there, not deciding right now what I want. I have not seen him over 2,5 months now, I have not talk to him. I am fragile at one point I feel I could never touch him or look at him and other times I feel that if he faces his problems and proves to himself that he is worthy and of course for me yes it can work but it takes a lot of work. I am not over him not my mind not my heart it was 2,5 years of love and partnership and future planning which was thrown out because of a bad decision. it is really painful and now I am just confused 100% because we had something special we knew and everyone knew and this is more then enough to believe that it can work but it also means that it can be thrown out that easily as well. if he does not want me back why contact? why he wants to see me on instagram? he wants me to see how happy he is with this girl? or he wants me to see that there is no girl? too many questions and no answer just my mind going places where it not suppose to. in the meantime I am working on myself I am proud of myself I did this whole thing with grace and did not contact him at all did not post stupid things on social media people are seeing that I am doing better and everyone is proud of me. I feel confident I got my justification with him contacting me and possible not together with that girl. but stil something is feeling not complete. so this is my answer sorry for the long post but now you know what is really in my mind and in my heart.
@daisy -You are needlessly dragging this out. We know you want him, so meet up and discuss the situation. You will never have peace of mind until you do…
I am sorry I did no meant to needlessly dragging it out