Hello everyone! First off I’d like to say thank you for anyone taking the time to help me because I truly appreciate that. So my ex and I were together for a little over two years. We have been through so much together, we were long distance for some time… he lost his father during this time period and I really saw how strong our bond was and why I am really trying to fight for this relationship because I truly feel he is along with the relationship is worth every ounce of effort.
So about 8 months ago I had about a 2.5 month affair with a coworker of mine. Around that time, my ex and I were long distance. He is in the military which makes things hard as it is because sometimes the communication is very limited. I was missing him a lot and I had been going through a lot of personal as well as depression issues. None of this is an excuse of course which I fully realize. What I did was inexcusable and I completely understand if my ex doesn’t ever want to forgive me for this but I still have promised myself that I will work as hard to salvage this relationship as I possibly can.
Fast forward to about two weeks ago… I ended up confessing about the cheating for my ex mentioned something about a friend of his who was recently cheated on and how shocked he was to find this out. I broke down and told him about the old coworker and how long the affair lasted. As you can imagine, this turned ugly very quickly where we were both crying and he was screaming asking me how could I ever have done this to us, how terrible I am of a human being to do this… how I can live with myself how I can sleep at night, etc. I’m sure you all can imagine how terrible that night was.
So right after I confessed he broke up with me right then and there. He said I don’t think I can ever trust you again I don’t think I can ever forgive you for this. You have no idea how much you shattered my world. I apologized profusely, I told him I’d do whatever it is necessary to gain back his trust if he could ever bring himself to forgive me.
Since that night that I confessed and he broke up with me, we’ve talked here and there… mostly just me listening to him about how upset he is and answering questions. I tried as well to explain the best I could why I cheated and what issues I need to work on. He told me he might be able to forgive me later on but he’s need to see me go to counseling for my depression and he’d like for us to go to counseling together and I told him I would love nothing more than to show him how dedicated I am to fix this.
Fast forward to three days ago, he was still asking me questions about the affair and since the affair happened around my birthday he asked me if the guy got me a birthday present and I said yes. For some reason this REALLY threw him into a rage and all the progress we had made just became nonexistent as he said “I can’t believe you Leila. I’m done. I’m blocking you everywhere. Wow just wow”
Which of course he proceeded to block me everywhere which of course made me so upset and I didn’t understand why the birthday present thing had made him so furious but I also understand how hard and emotional this is for him.
After him blocking me everywhere I seriously have lost so much hope but I am still holding onto maybe him coming around after some time and I’m praying that he will be able to do this, no matter how hard this is. I honestly feel that this man is my soulmate and we have talked about getting married. I realize that this is my punishment and I have messed everything up but moving forward I am willing to make it up to him no matter how long that takes.
Do I now do no contact? How should I deal with things moving forward? Thank you so much for your time.