can I still get my ex back?

reconciliation
1

Hi guys, im struggling a lot since break up with my ex. We were together for 2 years and lost a baby a year ago. We used to constantly call and text each other everyday and meet up as much as possible. He asked me many times to move in with him but in the past two years his not had a steady job and I helped him out a lot financially, so I was waiting for him to find a job that he would stick to so I didnt have to completly support him. He finally found a job he enjoys so in december 2016 I decided I am going to propose to him on his birthday, end of January.

I found out mid Jan that my dad is ill and even though my ex tried to be supportive I still managed to be spiteful and start an argument saying I could never have a baby with someone like him.

Only days before that he asked me to move in with him again and I played it down as I was waiting for another couple weeks so could propose on his birthday. Also the day I was spiteful to him, earlier on in the day we were getting on fine and told each other we love each other.

He ignored me and asked for space. The next day he said the more he thinks about it the more he feels we both want different things, he isnt good enough and cant be the lover I deserve. I have since begged him and all sorts. He told me he misses me and loves me but no longer feels the same and isnt in love with me.

Weve both been through soo much together in such a short amount of time. I love him and want to be with him.

We have been out together a few times since the break up, i dressed up nicely all times, tried to be interesting, fun, leaned in close to him, smiled and touched his arm and leg a lot, he didnt tell me to stop.

One night we were out he got drunk and gave me a different excuse why he broke up with me and his too confused. Anyways he was drunk (normally he smokes weed and doesnt drink much) and on the way home he got in a fight with someone in the street. He tried texting me non stop for an hour getting angry that i wasnt replying and saying what kind of friend am I and I lied about being there for him as im not replying to him. When i saw his messaged i called him, we spoke and i calmed him down.

We went out again few nights later to the movies and had a great time, then he wanted to go drinking at the same bar we went to few nights before, it ended up badly!! I was drunk and wouldnt let him take me home safely, he thought I was scared to go home because something might have happend so he turned up at my place to fight… eventually he went home and messaged me saying i lied and doesnt want anything to do with me. I replied to him then he stopped texting so then I went to his house, his housemates said his asleep and called the police, I then walked away. I tried to talk to him next morning and apologised and he was mad. He blocked me on fb and whatsapp then later unblocked me on whatsapp only and told me not to bombard him with messages.

We have messaged a few times since. I went away abroad to clear my head for a few days and messaged him. I shouldnt have but i told him i miss him. He said he misses me too but he wants to be alone and still angry about the last time we met up. Then he got angry and said other people are trying to force him to get into another relationship. I asked who and he said it doesnt matter, people assume his single now so looking for love. Anyways i said sorry and thats not the reason why I messaged, I wanted to ask if he wanted anything from holiday, he said what he wanted and he will get back to me to confirm. He didnt message me back and iv been in NC for 3 days now. He hasnt messaged me or called me at all. I dont know what to do?

He said many times that right now he wants to be alone and is confused, but doesnt know if theres is any chance of us reuniting in the future. He knows how I feel about him and iv told him few times when we broke up that it takes me years to get over anyone and because his not given me a definite no about the future that im still hopeful, and his said ok.

We didnt really argue apart from time to time and was mainly about him not going to see our babys grave (he didnt show he was hurting about losing our baby as he wouldnt talk much about him but i know deep down everyone hurts) we also fought abour him not getting a job (again i was giving him a lot of my wages to help him out so started dipping into my saving after a while as it starting getting difficult for me).

We were a clingy couple without being clingy. We gave each other space and time to meet friends and still do what we want yet we called for hours and messaged constantly everyday, he would message me ‘good morning beautiful’ every morning and message loads during the day and we met up as much as possible.

How can he fall out of love with me over night? like I said already, he asked me to move in with him over and over again, few days before the break up and we told each other we miss and love each other before the break up.

What is happening right now? I cant understand him. I love him, we were happy together most of the time and i honestly didnt think we would end up like this after a stupid fight. Im trying to stay strong and not contact him but feel even though i can live without him, i dont want to, as we were good together and made each other very happy. We share a lot of interests, sex life was awesome and we could talk for hours about everything and nothing. He turned to me for everything and never in 2yrs did we ever not message or call. Its been 3 days NC, hardest thing iv done and miss him dearly. Our babys 1st year death birthday is coming up too, i feel like iv lost them both and it hurts.
What are the chances of getting him back?

2

I still want him back :frowning: will NC work? I know we went through some hard times but i thought that made us stronger.

He hasnt said definite no to reuniting in the future… but he wants to be alone right now as his confused.

He said his still attracted to me physically, so how can I get him back?

I can move on but right now i dont want to as like i said we were good together.

3

I am going through the same thing my ex broke up with me literally over night Said he need space…we finally agreed to work on us but i dont feel like he will come back. He still brings up the past also. Im trying like it says to help hom forget but i dont know if its working…still feels like im chasing him. If anything im getting from this site is you have to be patient. Although its killing me some contact is better than none. Give him his space and in the mean time think about the relationship and yourself its took me a month to see some things…and prob even more to figure out if mine is worth saving. Time is all you can give at this point

4

Please help and advise me/guide me.

We spoke and messaged a few times since my last post, then for my bday he chased me for a few weeks, begging to take me out. When i told him im busy for my birthday he said how about breakfast or lunch one day or one evening the following week. Anyways the weekend before he wanted to take me out he went away to see his bestfriend and childhood friend, they all hung out together a lot, when he came back his bestfriend added me on fb, which i found odd as i have him on whatsapp and as my contact and he never messages me, so i tried ringing my ex to tell him but there was no answer so i text him to say his friend added me.

He messaged the next morning to say he was drunk with friends night before so didnt reply and his bestfriend asked if were still friends and he told him yes, hence why he added me on fb. Anyways we spoke for a little while and he asked if i was free next day for him to take me out for my belated bday…i said yes and he said he will message at night once he finished work to confirm times.

Night came and he wasnt calling or messaging and i could see his been active of whatsapp so i messaged to ask how work was, he said it was ok and his out for drinks so i apologised for disturbing and he said he wont be out much longer. He messaged on the way home for me to call but i was sleeping, i messaged when i saw his message about 3am and ended up talking for couple hours on the phone. He was saying how his moving to another house soon with his housemates, plans to go aboard and so on, everything without me in the picture :frowning:

Later on in the day, few hours before we were meant to meet for him to take me out he cancelled saying he cant afford it and can go next week, i replied saying no problem, another time is good. He didnt text again.

The next day i went out with work friends for food, at the place he works which i didnt know we were going to until 2hrs beforehand. He walked past me and said hello and smiled twice, i ordered his fav drinks and he knew it was me so made them with ‘care’ (he told me in some messages later that night). The whole time i was there he kept looking over at me…dont know why? After we left his work place i text him saying i didnt know we were going there, i said were going to a bar next if he wants to join us after work but it didnt happen. We messaged a little more the next morning as he was getting ready for work then i made a huge mistake and told him how i feel!! He basically shut me down by saying he doesnt think his better than me, he doesnt feel the same anymore and cant help it, he didnt intend to hurt me, and he still doesnt know what he wants therefore still unsettled!!

I didnt reply to his message and its coming to 4days of nc now, his been on whatsapp a lot until 4/5am but not initiated contact again :frowning: what do i do? I love him and want him back, someone please help? Last time he chased was only last week trying to make me see him for my belated bday until he cancelled. Does he have any feelings left? Also when i was at his work with my work friends, why would he keep looking in my direction?

Weve been apart 11weeks now, and iv lost quite a bit of weight. Im working on myself. Please help me and advise me as we were together for 2yrs, and shared a lot of good times together. I can live without him thats not a problem, but i want him back and to be with him, we were good together most part of the relationship.

5

@28iGHT - It sounds like you are both very young and immature. On top of that, he might have anger issues and a drinking problem. Sorry but it also sounds like you had a toxic relationship. He has plans to move to another house with friends etc … and you’re right nothing to include you. If he loved and missed you so much, he would have made proper plans for a belated birthday get together and that didn’t happen because he was out drinking again. You two don’t seem to interact very well with so many arguments that occurred. Go no contact for a couple of months and think seriously if this is the guy you want to be with!
You deserve better…

6

Im 29 and his 41. He doesn’t like confrontation, the arguments were mostly one sided, and I admit it was my fault starting them, which I put down to mainly grief for losing our baby.

He doesn’t have a drinking problem as such, its just since the break up his been going out and socialising more, I guess its to help him forget about me?
He does have a bit of an anger issue and can be quite stubborn too.

I want to talk, but he just doesn’t seem to be bothered anymore. I’ve been working hard to better myself, going to the gym and working out, joining different classes and spending time with family and friends.

Its been 11weeks since the break up and im still in love with him and want him back.

Any advice on how to get him back? I don’t need anyone to tell me were not good together, and that I deserve better as I was in the relationship and things were great until we lost our baby. I know what I want, just don’t know how to get it which is a new relationship with him.

I want to give us a second chance, doesn’t everyone at least deserve that much? Especially in love, why give up if u know where u went wrong and want to try fix things and try to start over again, this time making sure u give it ur all and not make the same mistakes again?

7

@28ight - It takes two to make a relationship work and you can’t do it alone. Right now it seems he doesn’t want to try. The only thing you can do at this point is work on the issue you have of starting arguments. Men hate that because they don’t like the tension and drama it causes. They want happy easy relationships. Glad to hear you’re spending time with family and friends and also going to the gym and joining classes. Try no contact for a while and then when he asks you out, you will get the chance to show him you are a happier and more pleasant person to be around. This will attract him to you as in the beginning of your courtship. Go slow and be upbeat and don’t pressure him to get back together. Let him be the one who asks to reunite. And he will if you can always have good times together.

Sorry for the loss of your baby. You both must have been heartbroken.