breaking no contact initial message.

Breakup Help no-contact-rule
1

Basically, this all started when I met a girl in Oregon, I’m from California. We met online and I told her i’d be in town visiting. At first she seemed very interested in me, talked me the whole time I drove up. Just natural flow of communication. So when we met up, we hit off immediately. She was very generous and showed me around town in Portland. We hung out almost everyday other day for almost 2 weeks. We had a connection, I could feel it. After dinner one night, she questioned me about my where the relationship was possibly going. I told her, while I did like her… I was bit nervous about entering another relationship so soon because I just ended one previously with my ex-fiance not even 5 months ago. I told her, I needed time. ( major F up right there). She pretended to understand but of course didn’t like my reaction. In any event, we continued to hangout going to the Zoo, dinner, etc. Did all that romantic stuff.

After I left town, we remained in contact almost everyday till I could feel she was " pulling back" or becoming lukewarm with me. I told her how I’m planning to relocate up there, or she could visit me. At first she seemed receptive to the idea of visiting me, then became sorta cold. So a week or so goes by and she mentioned her ex bf had sent her flowers randomly, she said that there was " no way I’d get back with him. He was too controlling". They broke up 10 months ago supposedly. The timing seemed odd, because after that remark is when things seemed to downhill. About a week after that ordeal, I sent flowers to her work which she seemed to enjoy. Her text’s were still kinda lukewarm and and I said asked her if " everything is ok?" She replied " no, its not. It’s about us". She said basically I was a nice guy but… She had a " feeling the day I left". She went on saying how she couldn’t fulfill my needs,etc. I called her out saying I think she met someone else and is pushing me away. Telling me how I would find someone great, I’m a nice guy blah blah. It’s crazy because she was so into me.

I managed to speak with her back in October. I listened to what she said the other day basically she stated " I was a great guy, really nice guy, and a good person. Great personality. Unfortunately, I know you’re not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." I still feel jaded a bit because I feel like she never gave me a chance. I tried moving on, I wake up in the morning sometimes thinking about her. It’s crazy. I know shes in a new relationship now. So she never got back with her ex that sent her flowers, or me. She’s moved onto someone new. So that’s 3 guys in less than 6 months, not just flings but potential partners. Part of me feels like writing a letter, but I know it may be a futile attempt. She blocked me on Whatsapp and I haven’t spoken to her since.

At the advice of a relationship coach, she suggested enough time has past and I can try to reopen the lines again. The kicker is shes in a relationship now. I’m not expecting much, perhaps closure or just to talk again.

Here is my opener that I’m thinking of sending

Hey XXXX, I just saw a white Lexus F sport like yours. Just reminded me of you, when we drove around having fun. Hope you’re doing well these days. XXX.

2

How long were you in NC for before you decide to send that message? Also were you two established as dating at any point or at least talking in that way? I’m not a professional or anything (also a struggling guy like yourself) but from what I understand NC is supposed to help us develope into a better person than who we were when we were with so and so, and that getting them back is a result from that work that we put into ourselves. That being said if she had to make that effort to block you then you may have shown a clingy side to you or something she may have found unattractive. I have seen YouTube videos and read somethings where sending a message like that would normally work to spark something that had existed there between you two before (I have not yet tried messages like that for myself because I am still in NC at the moment) but every video and article I’ve read pretty much has one thing in common and that is you should send something like that when you feel ready or when you are at the point where you feel you’ve got nothing to lose in sending that message. Again I’m not a professional, just a struggling guy trying to accomplish the same goal as you, but hopefully I was able to help out somehow.

3

Since October the 22nd. Basically, I think she chose to block me because I was in a semi-emotional state at the time, That being said, she removed her relationship status from being " public" to private after speaking with me. To me, she is trying to hide the relationship. She also updated her Facebook profile picture with her looking elegant in front of a Christmas tree. I really believe this new guy is " low hanging fruit", they’re not even in the same city or town. I believe he’s just got her approval of the parents kinda thing. They’re both Russian. But he’s a bit overweight and bald compared to me. ( hate to make that comparison). She never brought up she was in a relationship either. The lines are open. So I sent the message this Saturday and it basically went like this:

""Hey XX, I just saw a white Lexus F sport like yours. Just reminded me of you, when we drove around having fun. Hope you’re doing well these days. "

Her:

“Hey XX . I hope your doing good too . I told you before that I can’t keep talking to you anymore . I hope everything the best for you !”

Me:

" i’m glad we could have a chat again, without being it emotional or anything. Nice to hear from you. Happy Holidays. All the best."

Her:

" I’m glad you are good ! Take care XX !!"

4

I think that you should try to go back into NC. As hard as that is, because if there was something there that you felt for sure between you two then given the time frame she probably doesn’t really miss you enough just yet. On top of that if you’ve been making improvements on yourself, you should be able to use social media as a tool to show that you’re at least living life and are happy without her. That tactic is supposed to up your attraction to her making things better for you. The fact that she didn’t bring up that she is in a relationship could possibly be a sign that she may still be into you but until she says that herself you won’t know for sure so I would not look too much into it. The only way to get to know for sure is to go into NC. it’s a long process but you need to give her the chance to miss you and you can’t do that if you show her that you’re still around waiting on her.