Here is a little bit of backstory. Im a freshman in college and I met what I believe to be the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with in september of 2018. Around this time we were very very close. Sleeping with each other every single night , literally doing everything together but we never made things official and we both knew this. Around late september she went through my phone and saw that I was engaging with many females through text nothing physical with anyone, didnt sleep with anyone else, none of that. Just very flirty with other women through text.Being that this was my first hiccup with her she forgave me in a heart beat.
Its now october and Things were back to normal and I assured her that since the first incident that I wasnt talking to anyone else except her. Mid-October now, and I find myself talking to other females again. Simply out of pure boredom and lust. Not to say that this girl that I was with didnt satisfy me or intrigue me, shes everything i ever wanted. I was just being a man who was giving into temptation. she once again found out but noticed The women count in my phone went down by alot. So there was a change, I just needed a bit more adjusting to my new relationship. She forgives me after about 2-3 days and were back to normal.
It is now november and to save myself from writing another paragraph lets just say I responded to a flirty text message with a flirty text message back to another female. She finds out and due to the sheer shock of what I’ve done in the past she doesnt believe that this was all it was and is very skeptical of taking me back this time. But of-course the forgiving nature of women she brushes this one off and tells me that I have one last chance with her and If i mess up again, we are through. I agree.
December rolls around and we make things official, We are now actually boyfriend and girlfriend.Nothing I’ve done in the past affected our love for each other and we are still comfortable with each other as if we were born together. our relationship is at bliss and im remaining 100% loyal to her throughout this relationship. I dont even look another girls way for months. Were happy, Im spoiling her , shes spoiling me, she needs me Im there , I need her shes there. We are absolutely perfect and I love her to death.
its now April 22nd and I mess up. a girl from my past texts me and I dont know why but I gave in. It was the middle of the night, and I was doing what all college students do, playing video games and smoking weed and I respond to a very very frisky text from another female. I engage in this conversation for about an hour and then I quit it. an instant rush of guilt comes over me and I immediately end the conversation.
The morning comes around and my girlfriend asks to use my phone. She then hands me my phone after a few minutes, grabs all her most important things and leaves me room not a word to be said and we all know why. I got caught.
For the entire weekend after that, and the week proceeding Im in absolute panick mode. shes blocked me on everything Im able to contact her on, so im making different numbers trying to reach her, using old social media accounts to get to her. block block block block block. Everything. Im crying, i regret what I did, and im just in absolute fear that this might finally be it. i was obsessive for days. apologizing left and right only to recieve “Idc”, “were done” and “Leave me alone” texts back to back. I miss her to death.
In an act of desperation I seek help through the internet and find this website and come across the “No contact rule”. I tried it for about a day 1 week after the break up (which was last friday) and she finally gives me a chance to say things to her. i can tell shes in complete defense mode and not trusting anything I say anymore, and im there texting her desperately trying to get her back. Sending long paragraphs back to back explaining why I messed up and how I know I didnt mean too, how it was only one time after all these months. Im an absolute mess.
After listening to me for about a night she goes back to I dont care anymore mode and tells me to leave her alone repeatedly. Me speaking to her finally after that entire week of just sulking and regret really triggered the panic mode in me once again. And the entire weekend that just passed Im breaking no contact left and right begging her to come back, trying to prove to her that I changed and that it was just one slip up after a long time. Shes back to blocking me, ignoring me and assuring me that she has nothing to say to me because “we are done”.
Listen forum. Im not a bad person nor Did i ever intend to hurt this girl. I love her more than anything, we literally lived in the same dorm room together. When not in class we were with each other every single moment of the day. im a man, and neither of us men are perfect. I wanted to change for this girl and I did. Since this last breakup Ive gotten rid of anyone in my phone that might destroy my relationship if she ever gives me anotber chance by blocking them or just deleting them. Ive been constantly showing up to her room trying to speak to her and or just to see if shes just there because Im paranoid that she may have her interest on another guy on campus to get over me. And im scared that they might be meeting up, and she does know this btw because of my repeated asking if shes moved on already. and nothing at all is working. No contact is very hard to do and Im taking this break up probably worse than she is. I miss her to death and I feel like im paying a way higher price than needed for my actions. Yes I messed up but on a very minor scale. I just want my girlfriend back and I feel like me breaking no contact over and over is just driving her away even more. Please help.