I was in a long relationship with my ex for about seven years. Five or six months ago for no obvious reasons I started to neglect my relationship, my girl, took her for granted alot, wasn’t caring like I was. She sensed it and we talked two times but I did little or nothing to change it, I guess I had my crisis. 25 days ago she ended it saying that she needs to be alone at the moment, that she has the feeling that I am her friend who she loves very much but that she needed me as her boyfriend and I wasn’t listening all these months, that I made an empty space, a void between us, that we don’t kiss anymore…
And then I realized everything that was wrong about our relationship, was too late, she loves me but she lost feeling that I’m her boyfriend. I feel that this woman is right for me and I have so much respect for her. I wasn’t panicking, I wanted to give her space and time. After two weeks of no contact(haven’t read these articles before today) I called her just to talk about anything. It was a cool talk and we arranged dinner seven days after that. At first she said no, but after my line that it is only dinner and that we won’t talk about our break up, she accepted it. We went on a dinner 3 weeks after break up and it was really nice, we were talking and laughing all night. Her bestie who really likes me and respects me secretly told me tomorrow that my ex said that it was a very nice, relaxing evening. She also told me that my ex didn’t talk about her feelings and that in her opinion she needs more time to settle.
During dinner I did mention movies maybe next week on which she replied “yeah, we’ll see”. I guess she won’t contact me because that would mean that she is ready to step forward, which she ain’t. Haven’t heard from her like 5 days now of course. Now I’m completely lost on what to do. I screwed that 30 days no-contact period, she ain’t ready still to move forward even though we had some positive vibes over dinner. She deserves the best, but she felt neglected, unattractive, something no woman should feel in any relationship and I’m aware of that now. Should I invite her to go to movies or theater or just disappear again? What and when is my next move? I feel so insecure and afraid that she will meet someone. As for me I moved on with important things in my life such as job etc. Something positive at least. Thank you so much in advance.
Wow, Feels like you described my situation 100%! We are kind of in the same boat! Even though i’m in a worse situation. My ex wants me in her life but have moved on with a new guy since 3 weeks and now i’m out of the picture planning my comeback.
What i’ve realized from my situation is that the girls in this situation doesn’t trust you to be the man she wants you to be. You showed no willingness to changes even if she probably was giving you hints that you was about to lose her.
I believe that you have to take it slow forward and not forcing things to happen, she must feel that she is free to move as she please. And you have to make her feel the trust you lost by being a better version of you that she can fall in love with again. By that being said, I don’t think you should desappear, that’s what i did and that made my ex feel that i didn’t care. I think you have to show her that you are serious. But don’t be needy.
I want to thank you for responding. Every word from a person that I do not know personally means a world to me. I hate the fact that you’re going through a similar situation as I do but I’m glad that you understand me.
I admire you and your courage and patience after what happened to you. I honestly think that I would give up after I found out that she moved on with someone else. Years back, when I was 19 I was in the same exact situation as you’re now, we got back together after dating other ppl but we split really soon. Reason? Way too much fights about people that we were with in the meantime. I just know that this doesn’t work for me but you should keep your hopes up but at the same time take care of yourself and your feelings.
Thanks for the advices, I’m trying really hard not to be needy. I’m trying not to pressure her on one hand where I could lose her respect but at the same time I don’t want her to move on. Finding that moment between is the only thing that matters to me now. I guess I should try with stuff that are interesting and stuff that we didn’t do before but I’m afraid of her reaction which is natural of course and that is:“How come we didn’t do this when we were together and now all of a sudden we’re doing it”. So many questions that do not have correct or incorrect answers and that’s what killin’ me, that suspense. As days are passing I’m starting to realize that there is not wrong or right in any decision, only if we click again or not. Even though I have hope and I’m 100% willing to fight for her, I am starting to prepare myself for the worst.
I think it’s all about the mindset you have and why you really want her back. To me the reason why is because of the real deep connection that we shared. Both of us was just so compatible in every sense that i feel it’s worth trying. And that is something you won’t find everyday. I also see this as a lesson from life to learn and grow. Now i’ve realized the mistakes i did with her, and even if i don’t get her back i’ll become a better version of me that won’t do the same mistakes again. There is always still hope if you don’t give up. You may not have her tomorrow, but patience always pays.
I believe your best chance is to hang out with her and show her that there is something different about you. That will trigger interest. But don’t do it in a way that makes her feel that you just do it to please her. I would invite her and make her feel free like the dinner you mentioned. Else she will feel pressure. Remember to take it slow, don’t rush her back to you. She must feel safe. It should be her idea to give the relationship another chance.
And if you do get her back. Realize that your old relationship is over. Don’t jump back to your old routines. This is something new you are creating and lasting things builds slowly over time.