I would like to explain my situation, and I am sorry if it will be long because it is a little bit complicated.
My boyfriend left me after 6 and half years of living together. HE has always been super in love with me, almost too much. I was the most lucky woman alive, such a awesome man all for me. But last year things started to change, he said he started to feel “emotionally disconnected” from me and I did not know what to do. When I was far from home, he wrote to me telling that maybe it would have been a good idea if we didn’t live together anymore because he needed space. I was devastated but tried not to lose hope. When I was back with him I asked for explanation and he literally cried in front of me, telling me that I am an awesome girl and that he wanted to be with me BUT he could not find the way to do that. We have been together 3 months more after this episode and then, the 16th march, in the morning he told me it was better to split and stop sleeping together. I live with him in Sweden and my family and friends are all abroad so I was forced to continue to live with him, at least until I could find another place.
He was nice and comprehensive but for me was hell on earth. I wanted not to cling too much on him but I failed and I saw that was annoying for him. I was hoping to make him change his mind, trying to understand why he left me but all he said was that “it´s my fault” and “I don´t love you anymore”. Very very hard to get more info out of him. Worth noticing is that he is deeply stressed because of the job, and I know he needs rest and quiet. For this reason I managed to make him “promise” that he will rethink about it when he will feel better (have no idea when this is going to happen) but he told me that I will always be special for him and I will always have a special place in his heart.
Time passes by and I try to find another place to live, being eaten alive by regrets, nightmares, guilt, fear, pain. One evening I saw an update on his FB telling that he was out flirting with a girl. My heart exploded. I was still living with him and he was doing that! I panicked, started to shake, couldn’t move. I asked him through messenger why he was doing that knowing that I could see and I was still living there with him. He told me it was a joke and that he doesn’t want to get another relationship. I believe him, that´s his way to joke, but it was too much for me. The day after I left for a friend place without telling him where I was, hoping to get some contact with him. He did not contact me but I was eaten by the sense of guilt in leaving like that. I sent a message to him explaining everything and he answered almost immediately, telling me that he was worried but too hard for him to ask directly where I was.
I have been living at my friend place for a couple of weeks, then I went back to his place because it was too inconvenient for me for the job.
I was and still am devastated but we had really a good relationship, always been honest and caring for each other so we continued to live together for 3 months after the breakup before I found a place for myself. He always showed respect, often making me think he was somehow regretting the choice but not changing his mind for fear of feeling bad again. He also got holidays when my mother came to Sweden (I am Italian he is Swedish) and he was as caring as usual, making her wondering as well what was wrong with him.
He is still attracted physically to me, I know that, but feels like he is like an empty battery. When I told him, in one of my moment of despair, that I have lost everything, he told me that it’s not true and that he needs just to recharge energy. He also told me (again) that when he will feel better we will re discuss everything and that he will try his best to get back to me. But I know that one thing that made him feel like this is that he felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities of the relationship (?) and that he feels he failed me in making me happy.
We couldn’t take physical distance for 3 months until now (I am in Italy, I will be back in my new apartment in Sweden in august) so I couldn’t really apply the no contact rule. I could do that now but maybe it’s late…
We have seldom contact on FB but seems that he does not want to talk to me too much. If I contact him he always answer politely anyway.
Do you think there are some chances for us? I love him immensely and I regret all the mistakes I did.
He is very special for me, and I know I am for him too (several times he told me that I am the love of his life, the first real love he ever felt).
Is there some hope?
Thank you so much for your time, and sorry for the massive letter.