Advice on current situation please!

reconciliation
1

Hello everyone,

My ex(27f) and I (31M) had avery intense but short relationship (3 months, even though we liked each other for longer than that). At the time of the breakup she started having a lot on her plate, studying something new, working on a project and starting work practices all at the same time, and then it was me, being afraid of losing her and showing it sometimes, I was making her stressed in a time where she needed space and support and ended up breaking up with me. I got into an emotional mess and during the break up day I tried everything, text, mails…She got fed up and blocked me.

So she did the break up and the no contact…After 3 weeks I sent a text saying that I was sorry for things went and that I would really like to talk with her, I also said that I missed my best friend (refering to her), it’s not like I want to friend zone myself but we started out being best friends and I know that’s an important thing for her.

She said that once she finishes everything she was doing we would talk, that she needed space for herself…And the same day she did finish I noticed that she did unblock me. I didn’t initiate that day, but the day after and late like 8 or 9pm, being casual, asking how the studies and the project went. She was very short and I congratulated and she replied with a simple “thanks”…Then she asked me about my day an hour later. We did talk for a bit and she was talkative, I was able to say that I was doing therapy to overcome my fears, that I knew the origin of them now and afterwards I just said sorry to her for what hapenned between us and she was like “it is ok now, things happen for a reason, you have to look forward now and be happy with yourself”, things like that…I did leave it for a bit but I told her that there were a thousand things I wanted to tell her but that I knew I had to shut up, and she said “I told you, once I finish up we could talk, if you are going to feel better do tell me”, and I told her that I would like to meet in person to talk and she agreed.

So we did meet up and while she got very emotional a few times and told me she can’t have a relationship with me for the time being she was very affectionate and touchy, that after I told her that I couldn’t give up the dream of being with her and that I loved her, I asked if she wanted to hang out and do stuff together and said sure, that she was afraid to see me and hate me but that she was unable to hate me and wanted me to be happy and to fix my issues for my own hapinness and that while she cannot have a relationship with me, she does forgive me, I cannot forget just how touchy she was, we even held hands which just messed up with my head a bit and gave me hopes.

So thing is, the contact by text is strange now…She is quite cold even though she wasn’t in person, she only did talk if I initiated so yesterday I didn’t talk at all and today she wished me a good day in the morning. I’m confused here, I’m keeping low contact because she is as well, but I really want to ask her out and talk to her.

Should I keep low contact and perhaps wait for a week, I think she needs to see that I can wait, that I can live my life? I’m just not sure, I doubt that she is going to chase me in any way, she did the break up and she is proud too. Any ideas would be welcome.

2

I think you need to follow No contact. Low contact will just not work if you don’t do No contact first. Not insulting but you sound so sweet and needy. you have to stop that. You don’t want to be in the friend zone again. Show this girl you are capable of moving on. Do more than 30 days no contact. Then do low contact. This process is very slow but it kind of work.

I know you don’t know my story but its working for me. Ex is showing signs of wanting to be back. Is jelous by the thoughts NC brought to him. He even asked where I meet my new bf. I don’t even have one but he thinks I am with someone else.

Goodluck!

3

She wants and needs space. Don’t ask to meet up again!! You are smothering her by acting all clingy and needy. Only give short answers if she initiates a text and asks a question, otherwise, don’t answer. She knows how you feel and I’m sure she likes you, but you’re coming on too strong! Let her be the one to suggest a meetup if and when she wants to…

Waiting a week to show her you can wait and can live your life is ridiculous. A week is nothing and you would be showing you’re too anxious! Like leidy100 said, do no contact. I know it’s difficult, but she said she needed space before the breakup and after, but you didn’t give it to her. Honor her request now!

4

Thank you for the replies. Prior to this advice you both gave me I did ask her if she wanted to go to an event that was taking place that day, she said no to that because she wasn’t feeling to well but asked me to go for a drink or dinner instead…To later that day cancel as she said she wasn’t feeling well (she opened up and told me she was taking antidepressants as it is being a rough time for her), I tried to show support but I think I didn’t do too well. I went from being very happy to being depressed that day. I asked another girl out and we went out, we went partying and then when I came back home at 6 am in the morning I just cried and it’s been a month and a half after the breakup, I’m just not getting over her AT ALL.

I cannot do a total no contact with her, I know her, she would be hurt by that and she is already hurting, but I’m going to keep on the distance and not smother her, and do like Patricia suggested and let her be the one to suggest the meetups.

5

Most everyone feels sad and depressed after getting dumped. It will take several months to accept it fully and in time you’ll feel better. Going out on dates only 1 1/2 month after the breakup will depress you even more because you’ll be thinking of your ex and comparing your date to her. That’s not fair to the new dates, and you should wait to date a little longer when you’re not so fragile. Find things to do to divert your attention away from the ex. Don’t obsess over her and definitely don’t smother her by inserting yourself into her life. She needs time and space to even miss you. That’s not to say she would want to reconcile, but it will help her clear her mind and think rationally instead of going on brittle emotions.

I think she accepted a meetup out of guilt or feeling sorry for you, but then said she was sick to get out of it. I’m glad you’re NOT going to initiate anymore meetups!! Allow her to do it, realizing it might take a long time before she does, if ever.

The main point is; you’re 31 years old and should already KNOW not to ever say or do things that would make a women think you’re a clingy needy type guy… such as trying to MONOPOLIZE all her time!

Right now you need to focus your thoughts on yourself. Make improvements where needed. Spend time with family and friends. Resume hobbies or do things that interest you or you enjoy. Wish you luck…

6

I’m glad therapy helped or is helping you with your issues. It usually takes many months to overcome them because fears and insecurities don’t just disappear overnight (so to speak). Your ex is also in a fragile state, so don’t try to persuade her of anything. She knows how you feel about her and she know you’ll be there to support her whenever she needs it, but again, let her be the one to reach out. You said she has a lot on her plate and she doesn’t want a relationship right now. Let her sort out her problems. She said after she finishes up, she would be willing to talk, so give her space!