Advice Needed

Here is my story. Late November I met my now ex Jess on OK Cupid. Within a day we were already texting and talking on the phone and we had our first date within the week. We had another 2 dates the next week and it escalated from there. We went to her parents for Christmas and that was the first time we said “I love you” to each other.

Fast forward another couple of weeks and we are talking marriage and babies in the not too distant future. We had several discussions of timing on an engagement and we settled on July if we were still in the same place. She was scheduled for a surgery on 1/25 and I was staying with her to recuperate however the day before we started talking about the possible engagement and I had a bit of cold feet so I said that maybe we should wait a little longer. She freaked out and I relented. Fast forward a couple weeks and we have a fight about my sense of humor and some other things and I leave her apartment to clear my head. She assumes I am breaking up with her so when I return from running some errands she is in tears and freaking out. To prove that I was not going anywhere I went ahead and gave her the promise ring that I had gotten her for Valentine’s Day. She was ecstatic that evening and the next morning. She went to church and her small group that next evening and came back and wanted to redefine the relationship saying we were moving too fast and she just wanted to slow down and date. I reluctantly agree and we move forward.

Jump to a week ago, I walked into her apartment to be told that we need to break up. When I asked why I was told that I had become too needy and clingy and I didn’t respect her wishes to slow down since I was still talking about marriage, kids or moving in together at least once a day. I did not react very well, there was begging and pleading and negotiating none of which worked obviously. I had given her a Tiffany necklace for Christmas and she insisted on giving that back with the ring. I asked her to keep them as I could not give them to another girl. We loaded my stuff in the car and she said that she would come by later to get her stuff from my place. I started thinking on the drive home and texted her to say I had changed my mind and would like the jewelry back to which she said ok. The next day she texted and asked me to leave her stuff outside as she did not want to see me, I said that was fine but asked her to again keep the jewelry. When I went back outside later there was a bag with the jewelry plus all of the other things I gave her like stuffed animals and toys. She had also blocked me on all social media as well as my two friends that she had added on FB during our relationship.

I have kept no contact since the last logistical text message but I am wondering what kind of shot I have to get her back? We literally talked most of every day via phone and text and then saw each other most nights, I know how large of a hole that has left in my heart I can’t imagine it is much easier for her.

My plan is to wait the 30 days, working on myself in the gym and seeing a therapist and going back to church (something she wanted me to do with her).

In therapy I have discovered that I have Anxious Attachment and my therapist thinks my ex does as well.
Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Damon

From meeting in November to talking about marriage and babies 2 months later is ridiculous! You wouldn’t know each other well enough to make such a serious decision. Keep no contact and continue with therapy. You changed your mind twice about the jewelry so it seems you’re confused about your own thoughts. In other words: you’re not stable of mind. Begging is a sign of neediness and desperation, making you look weak. Don’t reach out to her. If she wants to see you again sometime later, start over very slowly as in just dating and having fun and getting to know each other without any serious talks about the future. Good luck…

Thanks for the reply. I changed my mind about the jewelry twice because I was in an emotional freefall. Once I calmed down I did truly want her to have it, but it was too late.

One of the signs of maturity is being able to control your emotions. Continue therapy or talk to some mature adults who have more wisdom than you do. I hope you absorbed the other comments I made besides the jewelry issue.