So we had our first face to face in a month on friday. She dressed up for it (as did I), we spent a few hours together and talked. We both enjoyed ourselves (I did, pretty sure she did). Had a few laughs, talked a few things through about why the old relationship didn’t work. She’s in a lesbian relationship at the moment, but we did talk about the children we’d spoken of having, and she said, about ‘us’, that ‘the sex would have to change’. To me that was a pretty strong indication she’s at least considering ‘us’, otherwise why even say it or think it?
Before the meet I’d suggested postponing due to weather, she said just don’t do the meet at all - she was very cold and hostile towards me. We talked a bit more and she relaxed, returned to being the woman I know, and we then agreed to do the meet anyway.
I sent her a text afterwards, she saw it but didn’t reply. I sent her a funny dog picture (we used to do that a lot) the next morning - again she saw it and didn’t reply so I asked what was wrong. She initially said ‘nothing, just don’t have time to chat’. When I said that didn’t sound right she said ‘No I’ve been busy. I’m not gonna spend all night talking to you when I’m with [new GF]. She was pretty distraught about me meeting up with you yesterday as it is’.
I explained that I’m not pushing for anything and don’t actually want to date her right now (it’s true, I need more time to heal). She seemed to relax again after a bit.
Then tonight after sending an email twice that wasn’t replied to, she again became cold and hostile.
The pattern seems to be
in person = lovely, the woman I’ve known for five years
online = cold and hostile. Can warm up after a bit, at which point she becomes the woman I know
I know one of her idiot friends is bad-mouthing me (though the ex is defending me) and I’m fairly sure her new GF is bad-mouthing me too, which is understandable. I’m just so confused as to why she’s acting this way - thoughts???
Gah, that was fun… Just had a facebook chat where I was basically being blasted for being, apparently, the bad guy by upsetting the GF (literally said nothing bad about her, or to her). Chat is finished now, still seems hostile towards me.
Said that either she hears nothing from me or ‘too much to handle’. I don’t agree with the latter, the former of course is the no contact period.
Hey,
Don’t be the one who initiates contact all the times.Let her chase you sometimes.Keeps the conversations cool and positive.If she is warm,you be warm.If she is cold,you be cold.Don’t overanalyze her words and act just like friends.Let her know that you’re doing great in your life,having fun,meeting new people etc.
Yeah that’s what I’ve been trying to do, she has initiated most of the most recent conversations, and she’s the one who wanted to meet.
It’s just bizarre - she was lovely in person, it was like old times, and then she goes really cold on me online like I’m some sort of monster she can’t stand to have anything to do with.
She’s retreating from me more and more every day, less the woman I know and more of a stranger.
No,I don’t think that you need to restart NC but the most important part of NC is about you.If you don’t feel strong and confident enough,then you need to do it again.
Yeah,act like a friend but don’t be available all the times.Use the word FRIENDS and don’t worry about anything.Its actually the FalseFriendship so you can get closer to her and reattract her.
Alright we seem better, just had another chat. I said nothing about the relationship or my feelings about her, just chatted to her for a bit as a friend. Took a bit to get her ‘out of her shell’ so to speak, convince her that I’m really not going to hurt her.
I also stressed to her that my family and friends have nothing against her (a mutual friend, but mostly mine, unfriended her on facebook). Made it totally clear that she’s still liked by my friends and loved by my family which she accepted. Also said on friday and confirmed today she’d been thinking about my familys pets and looking up pictures of them. Not sure if that helps me or not though.
She seems amenable to a phone call which I want to use to clarify some wrong points/assumptions she made in last nights chat. Hopefully I can do that soon - I have told her multiple times though that clarification aside, I don’t want to date her right now, just be friends.
Might be meeting her for lunch on thursday - she seems open to it but would prefer a phone call instead. I can tell she’s still holding back from being a proper friend, but I’m hoping she’ll come around…
What do you think I should do at this point? Be her friend? Try no contact again? (I suspect she’s absolutely spit it if I did that)