My girlfriend and I met at work and have lived together for 2 years. I was/am an alcoholic. She ended up deciding I didn’t care any longer (I didn’t blame her for that) and confided in another “male” coworker. She was planning to move out from our house and in with him and another Roomate. She didnt move in with any roommates but did get her own apartment. I did some of the classic begging bargaining etc. I implemented no contact quit drinking hit the gym changed my diet all that good stuff. We would talk casually during that time, well after the first week, at some point I told her I quit drinking, the next day she came into work and had visibly been crying. Long story short we decided to give it another try this after 2 weeks of NC. Things were great for about a week talking like we’d used to, texting, at work all normal. Then out no where it was like we were just “freinds” cancelled two dates waiting hours to text me back where it would normally be immediately. I confronted her last Wednesday and asked “what are we doing”? She wouldn’t get into it at work so I texted her to which she said I talked to a lot of people who said I should take time for myself, figure out my self etc. I’ve started NC again and she thinks I’m mad at her and I am angry at her telling me one thing the week befor “we’re together” evthing is normal then not saying a word and changes to the same as if we were freinds. Poor communication I guess. Do I stay with NC or explain to her why I’m upset and then continue? I still love her but this quite damaging to every aspect of the relationship. Don’t know if this matters but she’s told me throughout all of this that everything was great except the drinking, Hell we’d even talked about baby names. If she needs more time to see me sober fine but why lead me on? Thanks in advance to anyone who reads and responds.
@78bsm - If you were talking about her behind her back, she has a right to be upset. And maybe you have a right to be upset if you both decided to try again, but then she cancelled dates, apparently indicating she didn’t want to go further with you. If she had good reasons to cancel, you shouldn’t be upset. Anyway, of course it seems logical that she needs much more time to know if you’re determined to stay sober and can do it. I knew a guy that was sober and counseled other drunks. Most were sober for a few months or even a couple of years and then started drinking again. He said only a few could stay sober for a lifetime. Are you going to AA?
I think it was wise of her to get her own apartment. And yes, she would be reluctant to reconcile. She probably has an idea why you’re upset, so no use in rehashing it. Stay no contact and continue with self improvements including staying away from alcohol! Good luck.
I was confused about about your statement “if you were talking behind her back” but see why that was confusing. I was not talking behind her back nor would I ever. What I attempted to convey was that “she” had talked to a lot of people that I guess encouraged her to give it more time. Based on the rest of your response I don’t stand a very good chance of reconciling with her? I’m in the dangerous freind zone territory lately but if I don’t talk to her she asks me what’s wrong and why won’t you talk to me. I haven’t been to AA but am considering it… still sober and still doing whatever I can to improve myself. Thank you for your response
@78bsm - You don’t stand a chance if you don’t stop drinking and other issues that made her break up with you. Congratulations on the progress you’ve made so far:) Consider letting her know you need time (maybe a month or two) while you work on yourself so she won’t get upset when she doesn’t hear from you for awhile. How long have you been sober? I highly recommend AA… Good luck.