I wonder if anyone had some insight into my situation?
A month ago, my boyfriend of 6 years announced he wasn’t happy, didnt find me attractive and wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me as we were in the process of looking to buy our first house and our relationship had not changed. We have always had an amazing relationship, made each other laugh, never argued, done anything and everything for each other! We were still intimate, initiated by him a lot of the time, and we had just been away to celebrate being together six years, where he told me i blew him away and the thing he was most looking forward to in life was us having a son. This was less than a month prior to ‘D-Day’, despite him telling me when he broke it off that he’d been feeling this way for months.
A couple of days after the initial admission we met up as he said he needed to talk to me before he went away. I prepared myself to be an emotional wreck but i managed to keep myself together and be calm and understanding with him, and HE CRIED. He told me he’d always cherish our memories together and that i had made him the man he is today, he then left. This was 24 days ago, and i have not heard from him since. This is the day i initiated NC, so i am 24 days NC.
I had seen very little of him popping up on my social media (he doesnt use it much), but in the last few days he’s been on there a bit and it looks like he’s having a great time.
I really thought i would have heard from him by now, and the more time goes on the more upset i am by the fact that i haven’t. How can he throw away something so amazing and seem so happy about it?
I guess what i’m asking is if anyones been through a similar situation, what happened and how they got through it? Could it be that he has freaked out about buying a house? Also any insight on what you thinks could be going on with him, and whether you think there is still a chance for us.
I know that i can be without him, i just dont want to be!
Hrm I think I’m currently going through something a little bit similar… My ex and I were getting to the point where we were getting ready to move me over to the US (where she lives) and get married right before we broke up…
I do think that the pressure right before a big commitment can definitely be a big part of breaking up… Sometimes people start questioning whether they’re doing the right thing and kind of panic and run away
Do you think he will realise what he has thrown away and come back? Our relationship was so good, i just cant believe he’d want to throw it away! He’d even been collecting bits of furniture for the house as little as 2 weeks before we broke up, why would be do that if he thought he wasnt going to go through with it? He said it wasn’t about the house, but i guess he would say that wouldnt he? As by saying it is i have a way of making him change his mind?
What were your exes reasons for breaking up? How is your NC going?
I know it sounds stupid, but i just want him to realise so bad. His mum, who i am close to, has said she thinks he will realise he has made a mistake but doesnt know how long it will take him and that she thinks he will always compare. But i don’t want him to have to compare, i want him to have me!
I really hope that he does realise what he’s lost with you and come back, that’s what I’m hoping for from my ex. The problem with my ex is that she already had someone else lined up so memories of what she had with me have to compete with the excitement of a new relationship, so she’s got plenty to distract her from thinking about me…
My ex said she broke up with me for a few reasons… Mainly that she didn’t feel like she loved me anymore. She also said that I wasn’t confident enough for her, but my confidence wasn’t a problem for her at all during most of our relationship. She also said she doesn’t feel like she has the time and energy to keep a long distance relationship like ours alive at the moment. She didn’t mention this new guy at all, I found out about him after we broke up, so I’m sure that was a huge factor too.
No contact is going really well… She pretty much cut contact with me right away after she ended it. The next week I sent her a message saying I would welcome her friendship one day.I regret sending that because along with the fact that she told me “if it’s meant to be, I’ll come back.” I feel like I’m allowing her to think she can just walk back into my life whenever she feels like it.
I’ve not contacted her at all since the 28th of feb, so it’s been… 24 days no contact total. It seems like a lot longer! I did have some sort of contact with her, but it wasn’t direct, it was through a friend and it was about her kid, it wasn’t anything to do with us as a couple of anything like that, so I don’t know if it counts.
Keeping no contact is really hard, I keep having moments where I just want to pour my heart out to her, especially today…
Have you asked him why he decided to end it? It seems like he ended it too suddenly, without warning, so I think he still loves you, and is attracted to you. Also, I feel you would have noticed some drawbacks if he wasn’t happy. So it seems like there is another reason that caused this. Maybe he is feeling guilty about something he did, or he is having issues you don’t know about, or he is worried about the commitment.
My ex actually tried to break up with me because he was depressed about his best friend dying. I didnt even know about it, so I’m saying it might not be anything to do with you.
I guess you are going through the NC period, and you’re not really supposed to talk about the breakup next time you speak, but I would calmly ask him why he ended it, at the end of a good day/night together. Make it seem like no big deal, but I think that it is important. Then if it is something both of you can work through together, then he will want to be with you again.
Idk, that’s what I would do first, and go from there…but I pushed my ex away, so maybe I’m wrong.
@annakis
I know what you mean, you will have your bad days! And it will feel like 30 weeks not 30 days! Your doing the right thing with NC just keep it up! Don’t regret what you’ve done already just learn from it… They say it takes half the time of your relationship to truly get over it for both parties so don’t expect this new guy to stick around long!
@jessR
We met up two days after he came out with all of this and he said he didn’t know what it was, it was just he wasn’t happy and wasn’t attracted to me! I think he’s suffering with the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome! I haven’t asked for more details about why as I don’t think he even knows which confuses me even more! I’m hoping he wants to meet to collect his stuff and we can go from there but he may tell me to leave it with his mum!
Thanks for your replies guys!
Yes I do think I need to keep to NC, but I wonder for how long? Hmmm. I definitely need to just leave her alone, because I’m one of these people that are pretty good at screwing things up even worse with my attempts to fix things haha.
I’d just start your 30 days again from when you last spoke and see how you feel when those 30 days are up. Just go with your gut i guess!
I have no doubts that if you are calm, collected and not too pushy, you can’t make it worse! Just take a breath and think before you do anything…
We all know how crucial timing is
Yeaaaah but she has someone else, that’s the thing that gets me… I’m not sure what to do about that. I think it’d be best to respect that she’s with someone else and leave her alone but then I hate the thought that a year from now I’m going to wish I’d said something…
I know where your coming from but if in a year she hasn’t come back would anything you’d said or done now that you haven’t already have made a difference?
I’d stick with respecting her decision, even though it is so hard to do when it’s down to someone else, and show her your the bigger person! She needs to make the decision on her own and I’m sure she soon will, either way!
I think doubt is a major player in the way we’re all feeling! If we knew exactly what was going to happen we wouldn’t be here would we? I go between having this instinct, this definite feeling that he’s coming back to complete certainty that there is no way he will change his mind! It varies from one day to the next but the doubt is always there… X
Wow this seems very similar to me and I am only 6 days into my ‘break’ / breakup. I was together with my girlfriend for 6 years. However we already lived together and the commitment was already there. Last year we decided to sell up our flat and go travelling for up to a year. A week before we were set to leave (last Sunday!) she tells me she wants to break up. This then fizzled out into being more of a break.
I was inclined to sign up on this site purely to let you know that you are not alone on this.
I am unbelievably heart broken and she tells me she wants space. Which is why I have resulted to this website in order to give me any kind of insight of how to deal with this!
As I am a recent sufferer I cannot tell you how things will pan out as I’m going through the same thing. It is absolutely awful and I’ve had some dark days. Just remember that you are not on your own on this one and this site is a good thing. Talking to your friends too much about it can be hard sometimes so speak to people on here who can relate!
Just so you’re aware as well, I have gone travelling on my own and it isn’t as easy as people say it will be. My mind is on her 24/7 so everything you are going through is so so normal. I hope things get better for you ! X
Do you know if their is someone else? Because sometimes when their is they wont know why their leaving. When in reality they do. They just dont want to say anything about it. Hope its not the case. But what you need to do is work on yourself. if he didnt feel attracted to you then hit the gym or something. Something he will notice. Change hair style do your nails. Change how you look. Thats the major one. Trust me he will see that. Alot of times we get blinded on what is in front of us that we forget we have something good. I csn tell u that because i left my ex for someone else. For 4 months until i got caught i realized the big mistaake i was doing. She forgave me but till this day she still holds it against me. Thats why she doesn’t want to get back with me. Even though it was 2 yrs ago. So give him time he’ll eventually snap out of it. Lets just hope its faSt. because it really sucks being like that. I put someone there and now im the one in it.
I’m 99% sure there is no one else! It was one of the first questions I asked when he said he wasn’t happy, and the hurt in his eyes when he told me no meant I believed him!
I have joined a gym last week and really started pampering myself and my skin and even I can tell I look better and I see myself every day so I’d like to think he will notice after a month apart! That’s if he agrees to meet… There’s a lot riding on that!
I’m getting impatient now, I just want to text him and know that I’m moving forward… But I guess I’ll have to wait until after the weekend so I have a reason to text!
I’m not holding out hope! I know he thinks he’s helping by not texting… He does care, he is a great guy! That’s the hardest thing… He has never hurt me in the whole 6 years we’ve been together! I hope it is just that he’s panicked about the house and associated that with his attraction for me… Do you think it’s possible?
We’ve got lots of very close mutual friends! That’s how we met… But he hasn’t come home (he lives away) since so hasn’t opened up to anyone! It’s like he’s isolating himself…
Oh well…