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You can either go NC for 30 days then reach out via a letter like I did.
Or you can text her (if you don’t want to play games) saying that you need more time to process this and that you will reach back out to her when you feel more comfortable.Right now she is just keeping you around. Honestly. I’ve been through it worse than most here if you read some of my old posts. She will keep you around, almost friendly, almost flirty, almost distant and cold.
But don’t make the same mistake I did getting too wrapped up in her. It’s been 3 months since my break up and I played this program correctly– I gave the distance, did the letter which turned into a phone call, which turned into fun text messages, and she would respond.
Now comes to find out she’s out dating other people– that is just what needs to happen and we can’t control it no matter what Ex Back Program you subscribe to.If you read my other posts you will see that there are ways to keep in touch (at a distance). Her not cutting you out of her life completely is huge right now. Just wait the initial 30 days to reach out. Mine still hasn’t shut me out completely because it didn’t end badly (i.e. there was no cheating, abuse, or anything– the break up, like yours, came out of the blue).
We are here to help.
Wondering.
I know. I know. I’ve done so well at breathing and taking time and composing my thoughts all this time.
In the 3 months that have passed I haven’t called out of desperation, begged or pleaded with her. I’ve handled it better (that she can see) than I ever imagined I would.
I’ve given the initial space, sent a second chance letter, had a phone call, and sent some good memory texts. I’ve responded politely, and I’ve also tried to re-attract her thru some text messages–she never once told me to stop or that it was too hard for her.
I’ve also done things for me.. taken care of myself physically, and dated other people.A lot has changed for me in these 3 months, I guess I’m hoping the new me version 2.0 will make her think wow he’s got it together, what did I do?
So yes, maybe this is just a friendly coffee but I’ll be able to know a whole lot more in the first 30 seconds.
That is, if this coffee ever happens.
Thank you for your feedback.
I just have things I need to get off my chest.
Hopefully she still allows me this opportunity. I’ve dated others too in the meantime, and I’ve experienced what it’s like without her.
We’ve done no contact. Did 34 days and 2 periods of 2 weeks NC and then another 8 days. Recently the contact has been less.
I know her actions now are showing me there’s little to no chance for reconciliation, however, I need to see her for my own closures sake.
I will only know then if the door is still open or if it is closed completely.
Til now, I’ve only been wondering and speculating but a face to face gives me some truth.
My only issue here is why she would say yes, then go distant when I set a time a place???
Well, she went on her first date with another guy tonight.
And, right after him, she was back to messaging other guys.AND THEN IT ALL BACK FIRED–
I sent my text. And now it’s been 24 hours and she hasn’t responded to confirm.
And she back on her dating apps messaging other guys.
Should I get the hint?
I read into a lot.
I have a lot of access to a lot of information I shouldn’t.Knowing what I know is incredibly painful at times, and the interactions we have still leave a lot of questions unanswered.
It’s very tough. I am nearing 90 days since the break up soon, and I still think of her every second of every day. We text to occasionally, sometimes she is fun, and sometimes very distant. I tried to meet up with her on Monday but she was rightfully to busy to meet for a coffee break.
I guess just be grateful you don’t have access to all of the information about your ex, it will make you more crazy.
Also, just stay focused and being around people helps. If I’m with someone I can’t check in on my ex, it just doesn’t work. It’s the alone time at night, or in the morning that is hard.
How long have you been broken up? What’s the communication like with your ex?
It sounds like you are still very much in love with her.
I know how it feels.
Been almost 3 months for me and I’m still in love too. She just made my world so much better.Anyways, I say mail a letter. To her place.
If she responds great, if not then maybe you really should move on. It pains me to say that but after 3 months, I’m exhausted trying. I can only imagine how you feel after a year.
By now. She should definitely have erased any negative feelings associated with your break up, but unfortunately it sounds like she may have found another relationship in that time.
Best,
WonderingThen jump into my text outline.
Use that… It should have you talking to her and reaching her in a different way.
She’ll be intrigued. Trust me.Melvin,
Go 1- 1 1/2 weeks no contact. Then send her a hand written letter to her home address.
In this letter you are going to do 3 things.
1) Send her a positive memory “Hey ___, I was just passing by blank and couldn’t help but remember the way ______________. It makes me smile as I write this letter.
2) Accept the space/break. I said “Although our time apart has been very tough, I have accepted it.” I kept this simple, I never said I ACCEPT THE BREAK UP, I SAID I ACCEPT HER SPACE AND NEED FOR TIME.
3) Tell her that great things are happening AND THAT SHE SHOULD CALL YOU TO HEAR TO HEAR ABOUT IT.I said “CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN”
She called me the next day saying she loved my letter, and it was very mature and adult and lovely of me. Again, she sounded forceably happy and admitted to having a rough time, but that was 50 days ago.
That was day 33, we are at day 83 (she could have very well moved on).Always,
Wondering.MELVIN, YOU ARE RIGHT WE ARE GOING THRU THE EXACT SAME SITUATION (only mine doesn’t have a 4 year old child!)
It is unbelievable how similar our stories are.
My relationship being a bit longer at 18 months… But even the vacation, the camping trip, the lake… It all happened on vacation too. Out of nowhere, after a seemingly wonderful vacation where we had hiked, fished, she gave me the whole I’m not ready, I don’t see a future with you speech. I was devastated. We had to stay that night together, and pack up and have a 4 hour drive back in the same car. I tried to repair, get a reason, etc. We laughed, we cried, we sang sad songs together…Finally we arrived back to her place, and I packed what I had there, did mine and her laundry, and cleaned her place a little while she laid in bed. We had a civil talk and left it “we will talk”. I told her I wasn’t going down without a fight, and she smiled and said okay.Here I am 84 days.
34 days NC (she called me once, no voicemail, and there was a short text exchange)
then I mailed a second chance letter–she called right away, we talked, but she sounded forcefully happy.
We had text conversations every few days very fun, flirty, good memories
Then she initiated a text convo one night
THEN 15 more days NC, I initiated but she said in a quick response that she was going to text me that night.
We have been talking on/off for 2 weeks now, again, I’m scared to ask for a face-to-face.Yesterday she text me leaving the convo with “I’ll talk to you later”
so tonight I text her, and she was the coldest, shortest, most to the point she had ever been. I was typing and in mid-sentence she says Goodnight. I’m going to sleep.
She never goes to sleep this early. It felt more like a “I don’t want to talk to you, goodnight”***Anyways! TRY TO FIND MY OTHER POSTS ON WHAT I SAID IN MY LETTER, AND THE WAYS I HAVE TEXT HER WITH HUMOR AND TO GAIN HER ATTENTION THUS FAR because those have worked.
The only thing that hasn’t worked is her having a change of heart. I dropped a lot of weight and people say I look good, and I am feeling good, but I can’t change her life or her mind. I only wish to see her, like your ex, to get some answers.
Email Kevin and ask him to put you in direct touch with me… Sometimes posts are a little tricky keeping up with everyone.
Always,
Wondering.I’m 30 lol.
You’ll know what message is best to send, just add my hook and the wait time of an hour between first text and response and you’ll see its magic.
He will check his phone constantly and wonder what it is you’ll be sending for an hour… When it’s light and fun, he will be in a good smiling mood.Wish I could text my ex today, but she’s at a wedding that we were supposed to go to in Chicago and I’m away from the city on business.
Sucks. But you’re taking all the right steps!
Wait! You are in NYC? Me too. Lol. Let’s be miserable together.
Honestly,
You know your ex the best. And what will work for you. All I know is what people have told me now to move on, after she last text me Monday, Tuesday morning came and she emailed a friend, that at the beginning the break up was hard, but now she’s doing better, and that it was the right thing to do. Maybe she didn’t want to worry her friend she hadn’t seen, and was going to be spending the weekend with at a wedding. Maybe she is still having doubts. Regardless. Nothing in our conversation has said “let’s get back together” so I will wait.I like texts 1-3. Use one of my hooks and then wait to respond like I said. The suspense will kill him! And he will respond right away.
With the you’ll never guess what text, you can make that a phone call too. Say I have something to tell you, do you mind calling me? He might! This is perfect.Text 4 and 5 are honestly a bit much right now. I’d refrain from using these. Unless he initiates some sexual conversation later.
Text 6 is a borderline emotional and doesn’t really serve a purpose right now.Looks like you’re ready to send another, being 4 days.
Send You know what you should do!? “Give me the rules for a strikeout again, I’m at a Yankees game now (true they are playing the Rays at 1pm) and could use your expertise.” Boom done.
Well signs tell me you are ready to begin the testing phase to rekindle a connection, I hope it works.
Here’s what I used again, started to get results but I think my ex decided on “friends” so I’m back to no contact. Led to her starting to initiate texts with me though! So that was a plus.
First text
Send- “you know what you should do!?” He will respond “what!? Or no, what!?” Right away, mine did within 3 minutes (good sign). Wait 30-60 minutes before responding! You MUST wait this time. He will be checking his phone like crazy here. Then cleverly tell him to do something that you did together, a positive memory, and say that it was a good time. For example, my ex was at the airport, I knew she was traveling.. I said You should go get a caramel apple, before boarding the flight, it made our trip so much better. She smiled, laughed, and then asked about me.This conversation needs to be short, 6-7 exchanges, and you have to leave it first. Tell him you’ve got a movie or something to get too, perfect excuse.
**** next text wait 2-3 days after the first (even if he contacts you here)
Send- “you’ll never guess what happened!?” Here is where you tell him a short story about something that specifically made you laugh. Continue the conversation, keeping it short. The story can be ridiculous and even ermmm, made up if you want. Doesn’t matter as long as it’s interesting. Leave again after 7-8 exchanges.**** WAIT now 1 day**** ignore if he responds in that day.
Then send a text going a little deeper, but don’t expect a response.
This is the radar-smile text, a little bit more sensitive. But don’t be needy.
You’re trying to dive deeper here, make more of a connection.
“I said I had this song your nephew sang in my head, remembering how we cuddled listening to it, and laughing. Made me smile :)”
She didn’t respond to this right away because she was actually on vacation with that nephew (and I knew that she was), but a few days later she sends me a video of his birthday with him singing that song.After those texts, she initiated with me a short chat a few days later. She seems concerned with my life, and how I am doing, but I was told to let go as she only seeks friendship.
Sorry I can’t be more of help with furthering the process. I was doing good up until Monday.
Removal of social media is how some people cope.
During my first break up with my current ex, after 3 months she dumped me, I begged and pleaded for 2 days, then I Went NC for a week and took down my Facebook. When I put it back up, a girl put up a message that she wanted to hang out when I was back in town. My ex called that night apologizing. And we got back together.This time around we were now together 17 months, I didn’t beg or plead I just went directly to no contact. She text and called and I didn’t respond. I deactivated my Facebook for 10 days. Then I sent a letter, she called me and admitting to looking for me and wondering what I was up to. UnFortunately, my profession allows me to easily be found. I’m in the entertainment business so pictures and news articles are always coming out. She can always find me by googling my name. Shame I can’t just disappear. All I can do it look good when searches come up.
Again, she was never active on Facebook but has stopped days at a time because I’m so prevalent there.
Just know social media helps people cope. She’s still having difficulty 2 months since e break up because she’s still “In a relationship”
Patience.
