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Yeah I can. Not sure how much I can help though. I’ll do it now so by the time you read this you should have an email.
I’m sorry to hear that. It looks like he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t have an interest in talking. He still has negative thoughts about the relationship. Really I think the only you can do at this point is extend no contact. He doesn’t want communication right now and time is what will rid him of the negative thoughts on the relationship. I know it sucks, but you cannot force him back. I hope you are doing as best as you can be. The future is a very uncertain thing. Time has interesting way of affecting people. You never know what just might happen.
Don’t put the blame on yourself. If you truly want to form a long lasting relationship with him, then both of can’t play the blame game whether it be you’re blaming each other or yourselves. That friend seems like a terrible influence. Encouraging someone to sleep around and go against their values doesn’t necessarily strike me as friend material.
From how you described ex and based on your conversation with your friend, I don’t see him fitting into that group of people. Obviously there are guys out there that care about more that just sex. There are those that want a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with the person they love. From what he said, it sounds like Julia could be just be getting played. Maybe it is just for sex.
It’s obvious that you are struggling and it hasn’t been going well. I would suggest taking him out of your life as much as you can. Hearing about what is happening is just making your life that much worse. No contact is the time spent working on yourself. This is when you take your sorrows and turn things around. You don’t lose commitment to him but you take the negativity associated with Julia and him and you keep it out of your life. If it is a rebound or he is using her, it will not last.
When the time comes for no contact to end, you should be confident and have a strong state of mind. If that’s not the case, extend NC until you are. Work on yourself. Work to become a better you. I know this isn’t easy. It seems impossible at times. Like I said in another post, each person that completes NC deserves a plaque on their wall. You have the support of the people on this site. You can do it. Believe in yourself and don’t give up.
It very well could be a rebound. It also sounds like Julia has been around for sometime. Do you think he would have gone to her during the bad times in the relationship or that there’s been something between them for longer than you think?
I read some of your other posts to try and get an idea of the situation. The fact that you did have two rebound relationships probably did affect him. Knowing that you did this could have influenced him into doing it this time. People under a lot of stress or going through difficult times sometimes do things against their ideals. It might just have been easier for him to give into temptation rather than stay true to what he said.
Hi,
I thought maybe I could try to explain the logic a little. First though, I’d like to say that yes if a guy is single and sex with a girl who is willing is available many will take the opportunity. On the flip side, many will not take the opportunity too for a variety of reasons.
He says he doesn’t want Julia. Too much makeup, disgusting, opposite of you, blonde. He could just be saying these things. I don’t know the history of you two or much about the situation. Hanging out with her and the sex could be a way of dealing with relationship or a way to fill the void. It might just be used as a form of release. The underage part might seem like a thrill. Her being the opposite of you would be something very different and something new. These could be seen as exciting to him.
A fairly nice body can go a long way. He could still be attracted to her even with those other characteristics. Again I don’t know the situation or him directly, but he could be using her as a way of jealously or to get a reaction out of you. He knows that you know what he likes. By doing things with Julia, he’s rebelling against you. It could be a simple reason or something more complicated. Boys can be complex too.
I hope I was able to deliver some insight. I’m not sure if any of this helped at all. The logic isn’t there and really the only way to know is from him. No contact is difficult and I would’ve cracked too under the same circumstances. I wish you luck and that things are going well. Continue to be strong and keep moving forward! Oh by the way I am a guy.
Not impossible is right, but it’s for sure hard. It’s been over a week now since I replied. It has gotten slightly easier but by no means is it easy. I did do some reading and that works pretty well. I’m starting to focus more on what will happen after no contact. Trying to get a plan together.
I haven’t contacted her and she hasn’t contacted me. I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not. I wondered if she would try and contact me, but I guess the no contact isn’t over yet. Interestingly enough we have a mutual who she has been friends with longer than me. Around 7 years in fact. He tried to contact her but she won’t reply to him. He had no part in the breakup either.
Unfortunately, I have been sick recently. I’ve spent the last few days in bed trying to recover. I hope things are going well for you and you’re making good progress. If we’ve made it this far, nothing can stop us now.
I like to work out and that helps considerably but unfortunately I have minimal access to the gym nearest me. I haven’t tried much reading much besides sites like this. They help too but sitting at my computer all the time isn’t great either. I have a new book coming soon that hopefully I can get into. I’ve relied a lot on my friends. More than I ever thought I would. Most of things I usually do to get away aren’t working. New hobbies and maybe some volunteering would probably do me good. My emotions run and change constantly. For once I can’t push them aside, I’m forced to deal with them. That’s the hardest part. To get your mind off things, it’s almost impossible. Thank you for the advice and I hope all goes well on your end too!
