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Hi Alice, I’m really sorry to hear the situation you’re in. If I’m completely honest from reading your situation the relationship sounded very whirl wind and moved way too fast. I find in relationships like that the quicker they move where you feel on top of the world the quicker they could burn out. That’s not to say you’re going through tremendous pain right now.
I’m not even going to go into my situation because it’s the same as every situation here. The only thing I can say is my thing was 18 months ago and I’m completely over it now. The key thing to do is to do the things that make you happy. Spend time with friends and try to enjoy life. When you eventually let go of the pain and start to enjoy life you will be more attractive and feel more attractive. I did and out of the blue I met someone new who is incredible. For the next while talk to people on this as it is therapeutic.
That’s tough Kiya, when my ex broke up with me I found it tough and when I eventually lost hope I had to make the decision to delete her from all social media because I knew I wouldn’t be able to see her updates. The friends thing definitely doesn’t work and you deserve better than that. Keep the chin up and keep yourself busy. Be strong because as hard as it is now you will be fine. Time is a great healer.
I completely understand your pain. I too look back at the person I loved and how cold they were towards me during the break up and think to myself “did I really know this person and how could they change like that in the space of a very short time” Or you think did I ever mean anything to them to begin with??
Also I too think will Karma ever work out or will they ever realize they made a mistake and look for us back. Truth is we’ll never know. But life is long and be sure someone will f**k them over the same as they did to us.
All these are natural reactions to being hurt. At the end of the day I wouldn’t even bother setting targets. Allow yourself to be hurt and time will eventually heal. Just be patient with yourself and try not spend too much time alone. Plus you know that everyone on this site is here for each other and are there to advise.
We all do silly things when someone we love ends a relationship and I’m pretty sure we have all checked their facebook and see when they were last online. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it. Give yourself a chance, it’s only been 2 months. It’s been 3 months since my relationship ended and I am starting to get her out of my mind now. I still get angry over how I was treated but I don’t want her back. Trust me you will feel the same at some stage but you just need to be patient.
Hey John,
Regarding the article you read I guess I can’t give advise on that because even though these articles are written by experts everyone is an individual and doesn’t always play by the rules. I’ll give you an example of getting back an ex….I met a girl from another country (not too far away) she was absolutely EVERYTHING I was looking for in a women. I thought I picked her out of a catalog! We stayed in contact and started flying back and forth, we talked about one of us making the big move. I would have gladly made that leap because I adored her. Then one day she just went cold and said we don’t click, I don’t have feelings for you any more bla bla bla. I was devastated to the point I had to call in to work sick, I couldn’t look at anything that reminded of her. I’m not an over religious person but man did I pray! I just couldn’t function! After some time we got back in contact and started the cycle all over again. Oddly enough she pulled the exact same shit again. Once again I was devastated. Life was shit, work was shit everything was shit! Problem was I was not a confident person and I always thought what is she doing with me. Then I thought well she finally got her eye sight back and dumped me! My self esteem was just at an all time low. Moral of the story John, yes it’s ALWAYS possible to get your ex back but it’s not always the best for yo in the ling run. Funny enough a year after this girl I ended up meeting someone else which almost jump started my heart! Again she was great bla bla bla! And guess what! After a year and a half she dumped me! (reason why I’m here!) But to be honest I’m not as upset because I’ve been through this before (where you are now) and I’ll pull through.
Believe me John one day you could be renting a DVD or on a bus and you will just meet someone who you completely connect with and boom you realize there is more to life than the one who didn’t want a relationship.
I will say one thing about the article which is spot on. Don’t waste the 30 ways watching the calendar and waiting to contact her. Use it constructively, join a gym, take a cookery course (always women there), go on a holiday….even a weekend away. But enjoy life. Believe me when you look like you’re having fun again and doing stuff you will become more attractive. Like I said I’ve been doing alot of activities recently which were simple but I had so much fun and of course my mates posted pics on face book and my ex liked them all. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t expecting me to be doing as well as I am. But again it’s not for her it’s for me. John after 6 months of being by yourself you might eventually smell the coffee and think she wasn’t right for me after all.
Man this seems harsh but don’t go anywhere near her work place, your mates should know better than to suggest going there. Surely there are other places you guys can go. You will see her living a normal life and chances are she may ignore you and you will feel like shit. Trust me you will. You just need to avoid the girl at all costs until you at least chat to her on the phone. Sounds like you aren’t ready yet and that if you did talk you would pour your heart out. I was doing NC and my ex was one of the coldest hardest girls known to man kind. I missed her so bloody much, every time I logged on to facebook all I could see was her in pictures with loads of new guys. Imagine looking at that crap. My friend said just stay off facebook, he’s absolutely right. Why do something that upsets you? She soon saw after some time that I wasn’t going to contact her and no matter what pictures went up on facebook I wasn’t going to react. Eventually I started living my own life, going out for beers, weekends away etc and of course my friends posted pics! Not she likes everything that goes up on facebook with me in it. Trust me dude the no contact works…..not for getting your ex back but to build your own self esteem. Join a gym, go for a run but just put her to the back of your mind for now. But DO NOT go hang out where she works. You really need to remember that you did nothing wrong and this is out of your control, the ball is in her court and you just need to leave it there for her to move next. I can’t stress how easy it gets. Don’t let her see that you can’t go on without her.
Hey John,
Judging from you email you are having a terrible time at the moment and it’s just one of those situations you have no control. To me it sounds like both of you need space to work out things. I’m not the greatest fan of doing this but in your case I think you need some closure. Pick up the phone and call her, have a list of bullet points you want to go through i front of her which you will flesh out and most of all be calm and don’t break. If she doesn’t answer then just send a text saying “Hey was just calling to say a quick hi, nothing major. Call me when you get a chance” If she doesn’t respond to that you will need to go and live your life, who knows months or even years down the road you guys may reconnect. But for now you need to recover and not panic. Don’t ever contemplate suicide because it’s a long term solution for a short term problem. At the end of the day there are more people in the world that love you than there are that don’t so don’t deprive those good people of you. Mate all of us have gone through what you’re going through….you have your life mapped out and then all of a sudden boom…..it’s gone. But the good news is after time we all recover.
Hey! Over all I think he was a little rude not to reply, I think it’s one of those situations you will be annoyed with yourself for sending the message in the first place and you probably thought it was something nice and friendly to send…which it was. The only thing I can say is you now know not to bother making first contact again and wait for him to do it. If he does see how you feel about replying and take it from there.
