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I agree with ghost. You are being used for emotional support. If you keep sticking around, eventually she won’t need you anymore or get bored and leave.
You need to tell her that you tried and gave the relationship and her enough time, but no more. Tell her you want to date other women and make her believe that. It might make her jealous and make her realize what she has. And really scale back on how much you communicate with her and see her.
Thanks SM! You have a kind and gentle soul, it comes through when you write. I appreciate your words of encouragement.
I am not going to break NC. I don’t want to open that wound anymore. I’ve bandaged it up and am getting better everyday. My life is almost back to normal now.
Thanks bguarino! You’ve done so well!
Hugs to all of you!
NC Day#20:
I think Kevin was right about missing your ex the most at around 21 days. I am thinking about him and missing him more and more…
NC Day 16:
Feeling a little down today. I have given up hope a long time ago, but I wish he would have contacted me so I could ignore him and feel like I have the power. He still has the post breakup power since we last talked. I know he’s not contacting me to let me heal from the hurt he caused me, but I was hoping that he would wake up and realize that he’s giving up on something really special and chase me down.
He’s not chasing me down. Tomorrow is his birthday, maybe that’s why I’m thinking about him so much.
SM, time to move on my friend. We try to hold on to hope, and that holds us back. Don’t hold back anymore and move on.
You deserve more. You deserve the best. Believe that. We all deserve someone who feels lucky to have us as their partner. Nothing less than that.
Get up, dust yourself off, and start to move forward.
Lots of hugs to you!
Hi SM and all of you broken hearted people, I am on Day 15. This is the longest I’ve gone without talking to him since met. I must say I missed him a little today, but I haven’t cried for him or felt hurt in a while. I still feel a bit angry sometimes and want to tell him to fuck off if he ever contacts me, but in reality I’ll probably be more reserved and cordial when and if he contacts me again.
His birthday is in two days, but I’m going to keep my nc through it. I already wished him ahead of time, so I won’t feel bad. I’m doing nc as long as he does.
I’ve been talking to this guy in Germany. We met on a flight, and it’s been really exciting. I’m still in love with my ex, but we’ve been talking and it’s kept me distracted. He’s the first person I found whom I felt a connection with. I wish he lived near! We are kind of having a long distance/emotional affair but it’s not real because we have never been involved physically. But it’s wonderful to have someone to talk to, flirt with.
All in all, I’m doing great. Thanks for checking!
I don’t think you should. But it’s your choice. Sometimes to need more answers to have closure, so if that’s what you want, then go for it. But it doesn’t seem like she’s contacting you to get back with you. If she was, she would be more persistent.
NC Day 12:
I haven’t had any need to come here the last few days. I’m flirting with this guy I met in Germany via texting. I guess we are just two lonely people looking for attention. He does have a girlfriend however, but they are going through trouble. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.
I went on a date with this one guy that seemed promising! I do feel like I’m not ready for a relationship though, or be tied down. If I do anything, I know it’ll be a rebound but I don’t know how long I can stall. I guess don’t worry about it and just go out and have fun right?
I don’t wake up hurt anymore. Even though I’m missing him a little today. But I guess that’s normal. I still think about him, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel like the nc is helping tremendously with that.
I feel like I’ve moved on, maybe not completely, but I’m in a great emotional place in my mind and in my heart. I accept that we may never get back together, but it’s ok. It is what it is. I’m sure by now he has received his key back. All transactions are done. There are no reasons for us to talk anymore, and I like that. It feels resolved.
I guess I’m in NC forever. I don’t know what I’ll tell him if and when he contacts me. I guess I’ll think about it when that happens and check with you guys.
Until then, I’m just living my life and enjoying it. No point wasting my time over someone who doesn’t want me, no matter what the reason is. Life is still good and worth living and cherishing every moment of it!
Hmm…It’s a tough one. When my ex reached out, it was to say hi and to make himself feel better. It wasn’t because he wanted me back. So, know that, this maybe just for her. she maybe checking to see if you’ve moved on or not. Which obviously you kind of have. How are you feeling about it? If she wanted you back, she would tell you. Plus, aren’t you in Italy right now?
I don’t know, I feel like I’ve moved on and don’t want to go back anymore and reopen those wounds. But if you want her back, you may have to respond.
First tell us what your thoughts are…
Yes, just stay quiet for a few days unless be replies. Let him initiate contact this time.
SM, if this site is not helping than take a break. You have to do what’s best for you. We all know the feeling when you feel totally helpless and nothing makes the hurt better no matter what we try. We’ve all been there, some of us are still there. I think you may be clinging on to some sort of hope in the future and not able to let go. There’s nothing any of us can do to speed up the process.
A few things that helped me is mediation and yoga. I listened to meditation to help me sleep at night. I took bendryl to sleep at night. I wrote in my journal everyday, several times a day. I took a vacation alone where I didn’t know anyone which forced me to talk to people. But it really is upto you whether you can muster up the courage to move on or not instead of waiting to hear back from him. Stop waiting, move on. If he writes back, you can figure out what to do. But it’s very rude that he’s not writing back just to be polite. I don’t know why, but people are all different.
I’m sorry you are not in a more emotionally stable place. It must be because you reached out and expected a certain result but the outcome turned out different.
Hi SM, I went to a party last night and got really drunk but had a great time. Today would have been our one year anniversary, so I’m a little sad. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I was looking forward to it before and now it’s just another day. We met exactly a year ago. I think drinking makes me a little sad the next day, so I’m going to avoid drinking so much.
But overall, I’m doing good. No urge to communicate with him. Time really does help to move on. Oh, I met this really handsome German guy on the plane. Flirted with him and we ended up exchanging numbers, and he messaged me to say how beautiful I am and it just made me feel so good. I felt like I could make space in my heart for someone because I felt a spark with this guy. He invited me to visit him, who knows? I might! It’ll be nice to have a fling and that way there’s no question of relationships because frankly I won’t be ready to be in a relationship for a bit.
I am happy to hear that you know that you don’t want him back unless he’s ready to give it his all. I agree with you totally. Unless he comes begging at my doorstep, I won’t even consider giving him another chance. And yes, I feel like I’ll move on faster if I don’t hear from him at all. The source of my pain, confusion is not eliminated.
And don’t worry, you’ll find someone else. I’m 32 now and don’t have any more energy left in me to go through another heartbreak. But I don’t have time for meaningless relationships either. Just accept that you can’t control the future and let it unravel.
Good night! Hope we all find more peace and hurt less tomorrow.
It will get better over time. Even though it seems impossible. Write in a journal about your feelings, write that you’ll be ok until you start to believe it. I also watched addictive tv shows that kept my mind busy. Try to do things that make you happy. Discover yourself.
I heard the south of France is beautiful! Would love to visit someday! Try to be happy for yourself, tell yourself, I’m happy. I can be happy by myself. Because you can. Forget about him (I know seems impossible) and just go be happy! Think about yourself, be selfish. If something happens in the future, great, if not, at least you’ll have this great experience of living in a new country. Sometimes I think about who are more unfortunate than me, like people who have terminal illness or cancer, and I tell myself, I’m so lucky to have my health, my friends, a job, my home, and so much more.
Don’t be ashamed to cry. But each time you very cry, afterwards try to feel a little better. Keep writing, and plan things that you can look forward to. Go on adventures!
I find a lot of comfort in your story, as it is similar to mine. So, I want you to be where I am. I know you’ll get there, but you have to want to.
You have the strength inside you. You may not feel it, but it’s there. You have to believe in yourselves. I’ve had days when I felt “what’s the point of all this?” But eventually I realized that every time I’ve broken up, I’ve always found someone better. And I believe I will this time too, when I’m ready.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. Don’t be so hard on yourself for taking long. It’s your journey, embrace it instead of trying to fight it. Tell yourself, this is how I’m feeling, so I’m going to feel it instead of trying really hard not to feel it. I’ve had breakups where I was where you are right now. I just bounced back a lot easier this time. Trust me, I still want my ex back but I’m just done obsessing over it. I’m living my life one day at a time. Frankly, if he contacts me, I’ll probably just tell him that I am not ready yup be friends and continue nc. He’s the source of my pain, so I had to eliminate it.
I really believe that if there is something really special there, your ex will realize it and try to come back. But I don’t know how she feels about it. You have to let time pass to find that out and you can’t just hang on in the mean time. You have to move on. Don’t go on dates if you don’t want to. Do something that’s truly productive for you that makes you happy. I love traveling and it’s awesome that you get to travel. Try to find happiness around you, it’s there. Look for it, don’t ignore it. Don’t be overshadowed by this darkness you are feeling. You have to feel what you are feeling, no way around it. Accept that. You have to believe that it gets better. You know it will!
You’ve been a lot of support to me over the last month. Thank you for being here. I’m here to listen to you as well.
