[Tommys83]

Hi @Martin @confusedbutok we have been in very similar positions over the last few months regarding our exes.

Hi everyone

My update…
7 months to the day she left and yeah…..still having far too many days when I still think about her more than I should. Even starting a new job where I am really busy a lot of the time…she still pops up! Memories of happy holidays mainly. It really does hurt so much more knowing she’s with someone else.

I really get the feeling that I mainly screwed up at the beginning when I should have gone NC straight away. Just wish I had found this site earlier but my head was all over the place and I did everything I shouldn’t have which I think led her into getting with her new bf within 2 months.

I feel If I had given her more space when she first mentioned it then I could have salvaged things with some of the advice and stuff I have now read. It really is as if the terrible couple of months when we broke up has clouded over the 3 happy years we had together and it probably stressed her out too much and that’s all she can think about me now.

I know that it’s probably beyond repair now but I still keep a little bit of hope when really I should just move on. It’s just so hard.

I just try to keep telling myself it’s always darkest before the dawn, I have learned so much from this experience, improved myself as a person massively and know that things will get better but nothing can stop my thoughts going back to her!? Thinking why wasn’t I given ONE chance? Why am I a stranger to her now that she doesn’t care about? Thinking all it would have taken was serious NC at the beginning and a couple of little tweaks and I could have saved things and worst of all thinking she will prob start settling down with this new boyfriend which hurts a lot.

I still want to txt and email her long messages trying to explain things but mostly trying to get some form of explanation back but I know she won’t and it’s been 2 months since I was last in contact so I keep stopping myself but then I think why not?…let it out I don’t know.
Hope you guys are doing ok

[Tommys83]

@archola and @lustinlove

My ex and her new boyfriend are now living together too and it’s only 4 months in. I know my girlfriend has issues with being alone….but what does that mean and how does that effect things with regards to rebounds etc?? Personally I can’t see that as being too much of an issue as when you think about it no one really enjoys too much time being alone. It seems on the outside that they both seem very happy?

It’s good to hear your feeling good about things @archola and moving on positively
Got any tips and advice? I too run and play football with friends and have a pretty busy life but I still check her Facebook even though she hardly ever updates it and I still can’t get her off my mind? What’s the best way to stop this madness haha?

[Tommys83]

Hi @Martin

Hows things going? How long had you been in NC for until she contacted you? I take it she contacted you first? Anyhow seems like positive news if you still want to try and reconcile.

I am getting really fed up of still feeling pretty low and massively missing my Ex and I still cant stop thinking about her and her new boyfriend. The nice sunny warm weather is making me feel worse as we used to do lots of things in the summer.

I try to concentrate on improving myself and I am starting a new job/career on Monday but I feel I kind of made the decision to swap jobs under the influence of my ex to try and show her I am more ambitious even though I really enjoy the job I am currently in and have been in for the last 5 and half years. I keep feeling I am making the wrong decision and my ex now doesn’t care one bit what I do.

I really thought after 6 months I would have got close to reconciling or I would have moved on a little but it is really hard still. I have tried everything but I still cant get her off my mind.

The worse thing is thinking that she will be settling down with this new man and getting married and having kids etc. This really hits my self esteem as I see myself as “the mistake and bad boyfriend which told my ex what she really wants out of a relationship and boyfriend”

They too have been seeing each other for about 4 months and she has told me they are planning a future together. I hate feeling this way and wish I could get out of this slump but all hopes of reconciliation are lost. I keep beating myself up about it and going over past mistakes and wishing I could turn back the clock. She really did love me at one point and we had a good thing going and I cant believe how she has moved on so quick.

[Tommys83]

@Martin

Great post. Thank you. Its also great to hear that you are in a much more positive frame of mind, compared to a few months ago and I will try to take a leaf out of your book. I understand it still hurts but its great to hear that you are bit more positive about things.

Your post was very helpful and I have really taken it on-board and already feel a little better.

My main problem at the moment is the amount of times I find myself reminiscing about the past, especially holidays we went on and summers spent doing lots of fun things together. After reading and researching a lot recently, I know that happiness comes from within and concentrating on the present and not the past and also not too much about the future(apart from looking forward positively) when I focus my thoughts on the present, I tend to feel a lot better, but it is difficult to stop those memories from re-occurring.

I will watch Crazy, Stupid love again. Funnily enough, I watched it when it first came out…..with my ex, but I feel I need to watch it again now that you have mentioned it and I watched that clip.

I am 32 years old, my ex is 27 and the guy she has met is 34 – He owns his own business, is an ex head chef for Marco Pierre White (and she loves her good food) and it looks as if he is loaded. Grrrrr! What a kick in the nuts eh!

I really feel like she is determined to settle down and it looks like the guy she has met is too. She got with him about a month and a half after we broke up so it has all the hall marks of a rebound but it is hard to tell as I have no contact with her now or any of her friends that I once called my own. A bit like you and @confusedbutok I feel she is also someone who needs to be in a relationship all the time. As I mentioned before, I have also picked up on signs that she could have been seeing him or at least getting close to him for a few months before she said they got together but she denies it. If there is one question I would like answered with complete honesty, it would be that.

I am going to get out on the dating scene again soon and I don’t have too many worries about meeting up with girls and going on dates, not being big headed or arrogant but I have never really had too much of a problem in this department. The problem is that I tend to be very picky when it comes to relationships, and I feel my ex has made me even more picky. To to be honest, again a bit like yourself, other things are taking up lots of my time at the moment as well which I am enjoying – socialising with friends, seeing family, running, swimming and going to the gym, as well as concentrating on my career and job move so I really am trying to concentrate on bettering myself.

Overall, I feel me, yourself, @archola and @confusedbutok are in relatively the same position and I will continue to visit and read these posts while wishing you both and everyone else the very best.

Lastly @Nell Its great to hear that you are moving on and doing well as you have also been very influential and a great help to lots of people on here and I am also going to try my very best to do the same. Life is certainly to short to be unhappy and to dwell on the past.

[Tommys83]

How about some of the guys/girls who started this thread back in the Summer of 2014?

Not sure if you still get the emails but any moving on or reconcilliation stories or feedback? @steve @la @ms-marple @az

Would be good to hear if you are still on here?

[Tommys83]

Oh Blimey, Sorry about the long post, didnt realise as I was typeing away :-/

[Tommys83]

Hi @Martin and everyone else.

Errrrm, Im not quite sure how I’m doing to be honest. I have my good days but i also have quite a few bad days. Especially weekends. I still cant stop thinking about her and the worst bit is knowing she is with someone else. I know that if she was single it wouldnt be half as bad. Some days I feel an incredible amount of numbness and hopelessness. Other days Im ok….which is the best I can hope for at the moment.

I am so gratefull for my friends and family I have but Ultimately I know that isnt enough. I need my best friend, lover and companion around still…..But on the other hand….do I? I was perfectly fine and loving life being single for a number of years before I met my ex?

The last time I was in contact with her was about a month ago when I was last on this forum and I felt really down. This was because she told me she was very happy with the new guy in her life, she hadnt loved me for quite a few months before we split up and she never wanted to hear from me again. It just confuses me so much because I genuinely look back and feel I really dont deserve that. I treated her well and I feel overall we had a pretty healthy and fun relationship and the whole break up situation could have been a lot worse.

I sent her one last txt saying to not leave things on a bad note, to try to remember the good times and that i will miss her, but I got nothing back. I have recently typed out an email I really want to send but havent yet. It is on top of an email i recieved from her only a month or so before we splitt up saying how much she loved me?….

For some reason, I now kind of need to know that it wasnt all a fake towards the end and she did enjoy her time with me. In a weird way, i also feel that if she just told me she met this guy she is with now and just felt a real click, then I might be able to accept it a bit more and move on. I would also love for her to be truthfull with me and tell me if she met him while we were together as I have a feeling she did. I dont think I will get anything back from her, and if I do, will it really help me? I dont know?

It still confuses me a lot and it is getting me down quite often. I have made some major changes in my life for the better, including one of the hardest decisions of my life in leaving the job i have been in for 6 years which I enjoy, to go to another job with the prospects of furthering my career and earnings. I need major change. I would love to get out of the town I am in at the moment as everything reminds me of her and I feel Summer is going to be extremely hard but those are changes that my circumstances can not cater for I dont think anyway.

I have slacked off on the dating game as well as i really dont feel I am ready yet and I keep thinking there isnt a girl out there that compares to my ex but logic is telling me that is BS and I should just get out there again.

I have pretty much lost all hope of any sort of reconcilliation and possibly even seeing her again so i think, sod it should i send the email? or should I continue NC and feeling the way I do without getting things off my chest?

Its hard and its taking me longer than i thought. I NEVER in my life thought a girl would make me feel like this and have these feelings and funnily enough, especially my ex while I was in the relationship…..Thats taking things for granted for you….But does that tell me we were’nt actually meant to be and I just miss the whole situation as i do have a bit of an addictive personality?

Love is certainly a tough game.

How about yourself Martin? Hows things with you?

[Tommys83]

@archola

I wish you all the best mate. I am at that stage myself.

I have recently come across this website http://getoverhernow.com/

Sign up for the emails which i have found to be incredibly helpfull in trying to move on.
Again, All the best to you buddy.

[Tommys83]

@MrCat22

Hello. I read your post and obviously I don’t know your whole situation from what I’ve read there but I’ve recently read a lot of boards, websites and articles and by the sounds of things if you really do want to get back with your ex, it sounds like you’re in a fairly good position and you have quite a high chance of saving things if your patient. Anger is better than indifference and I could go on but
Try checking out this helpfull website instead which I feel has some great advice:

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Fast – The Complete Guide

[Tommys83]

@Martin

Hello Martin, just checking in again and after keeping an eye on this forum it seems like you are doing pretty well and have a much more positive outlook which is great.

As i have mentioned before, it seems like our situations have been fairly similar.. The thing is, during January I was at a place where i felt i could move on, I was feeling happy and confident and i was thinking that if i dont get my ex back that i would still be ok but i fear this was because i thought she was single as well……

But then I found out that she was seeing someone else and I came crashing back down again and I feel lonely and I have lost hope after she told me “they were planning a future together and she has never been happier”….it was a real kick in the nuts and I am now struggling to feel positive and happy again. It doesnt seem like a rebound and it doesnt seem like gigs. he is 34 and looks like he wants to settle and Im pretty sure she does too.

At the moment, I feel like this other guy has pretty much stolen my life. I keep thinking of my ex with him, telling him all the stuff she used to tell me when we were happy together, cuddling up with him and the cat we bought up from a kitten for 2 and half years and sleeping in the same bed we shared, moaning about me to him.

I cant believe i didnt even get a second chance to turn things around (not a 3rd, not a 4th….JUST A SECOND CHANCE) and show her things would be better after a break which we needed…..I never got that second chance and its tearing me up inside because i know a lot of couples that have got back together after breaks….. why cant we? why dont i get a second chance at things??

I still cant understand how someone can just do that after 3 years together….pretty much swap the love they had(or at least showed) from one person to another just like that, its like the last 3 years have been erased from her life and memory??

I dont see her anymore as she is in a different city but i cant seem to stop myself thinking about her and also the memories, especially the memories of holidays together and summer. I am actually dreading summer for the first time of my life. I am 32 years old, always had a really good and active social life but my main group of friends are all pretty much married now and starting to have kids so i feel i am going to be lonely this summer – a time when i have always had fun, a time that for the last couple of years was spent with my ex doing exciting things whenever we had time off work. I have always been picky when it comes to girls i want to have a relationship with and I feel I am going to be even more picky now….comparing new girls i meet with my ex.

I just wish i could feel better again and I’m worried at how long I am going to feel this way. The thing is after everything that has happened now, I know it would never be the same if we did get back together but for some reason I still crave that second chance to make things right.

[Tommys83]

@Martin

Thanks mate. I appreciate the link and it definately helped. I will hold on to the hope but also get on with my life and realise its only me who can make me happy, not a relationship and not my ex.

At least I will learn from this experience if nothing else. I will learn to never take things for granted and never get too comfortable in the future because that is what ultimately led someone who unconditionally loved me for a time, become unattracted to me and I realise it was my fault that led to pushing her away, but hey, I feel there is nothing I can do about it now and I will leave it. I have sent one last goodbye txt thanking her for the memories and experiences and saying life is too short to hold grudges so wishing her all the best and I will now go on NC indefinately.

Thanks again

[Tommys83]

@Nell

Thank you. You are a cyber Angel to me haha! 🙂 I hope you’re doing well, you deserve to be. Your well articulated comments and kind words really are a help to a lot of people on here I can tell and I bet you are an amazing friend. From chatting and seeing your comments on here, your ex certainly doesnt deserve someone like you.

You are probably right as well. A lot of people I speak to seem to think she is rushing into things and doesnt really know what she wants.
I went on a long run last night to clear my head and a mixture of that and your comments have helped the way I am feeling now. I feel ready to really move on and try to block her and the memories from my mind and get back to being happy and living a happy life again as life is too short for this and its the future that counts now and I am positive it will all work out for the best.
Thanks again and all the best.

[Tommys83]

@martin

Good on you mate. If you try to clear your mind of your ex you will see that it really does help to go on the odd date as long as you try not to expect much from it.

Vday/my birthday coming up and I have just got confirmation from my ex that she has been seeing someone since 30 dec. she said they haven’t spent a day apart and they are planning their future together so I am feeling lower than I have ever felt. I’m pretty sure they will end up getting serious soon as he is 34 and ready to settle and she is 27 and ready to settle as well. I’m an absolute mess and I don’t know what to do.

All the best for your date buddy. Go and have Fun!

[Tommys83]

@confusedbutok

No, she didnt say they were getting married, just that they had been planning a future together and I just have a strong feeling thats what she is looking to do within the next few months or so and i am so scared it will happen. Like you said, it does seem a bit rushed but she does sound very happy and in love with this new guy already. Maybe I left my NC too long? Maybe I had no chance all along? I dont know, I’m Struggling to cope. Thank you for your reply and i hope your doing well.

[Tommys83]

Hello Everyone @Nell @confusedbutok and @martin Sorry if this is a bit long…

I was involved in a few posts on here a couple of weeks ago when I was coming to the end of about 45 days NC after my gf of 3 years wanted to break up.

My NC was going really well, I was going to the gym, swimming, running, seeing friends, couple of dates and possibly starting a new exciting career, so a few positive changes and I was feeling good with the hope I could come to some sort of reconciliation with my ex. It was our first breakup of any kind since we had been together. Even though I know things had been going downhill for a while before we split, I have not been given the chance to realise what I had and turn things around for the better. She just gave up after our first major break and that’s whats so frustrating.

So, I sent one of Kevins brief txts with a little reminder of when we first got together and also asking about the deposit situation on the flat we shared. She got back to me about a week later with a friendly txt and asking me to give her a call which sounded good, I called her a few hours later and we talked and she explained she was seeing someone so I kind of politely finished the conversation……

Then I had to ask her about it in txt and she replied saying she Met him on 30th December (about a month and half after we had officially broken up), hadn’t spent a day apart, were planning a future together and she has never been happier…. My heart nearly exploded as I read the txt.
He is 34 (so prob at a stage when he is ready to settle down), she is 27 and I just know they will prob end up getting engaged or something within the next few months and I worry that will ruin me.

I thought I was ok, Now….. I think I feel lower than I have ever done. I feel like the work during NC (Even though it is for me) was all a waste, I cant concentrate on anything else so it is effecting my work. Everything I do and everywhere I go reminds me of my ex and I feel I have never been so depressed in all my life. I am usually quite a happy person. I just cant get the image of them together out of my mind, them sleeping together and cuddling up with the cat we both shared and loved together…..Its like he has stolen my life 

I don’t know what to do or where to go from here and any help or encouragement would be a great help.

Much Love

[Author]

Posts