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I agree with KD. You have to agree with him and never show that you are frustrated. I know that you want things to go back to how it was, but it’s going to take time. Give him the time to fall back in love with you again. Next time you see him, get all dolled up so he can see what he’s been missing! And….always stay positive even when he does or says anything that makes you feel like he’s not into you. After all, this guy doesn’t sound like he’s going anywhere, nor will just cut off all ties. You’ll be fine, it’s just a week. I have almost 2 weeks til I see my guy and it’s been hard. I haven’t seen him since vday weekend, so I’m just counting the days.
@ Oshi:
Oh no!!!! I know how you feel! I was upset when my guy didn’t want me to come this weekend and suggested another weekend instead, pushing the date back even farther :(. But we didn’t discuss this over the phone so he couldn’t tell I was upset! If you really want to work things out and guy really feel like you just lost your cool, call him and apologize. I know it’s frustrating that you are putting in so much effort, believe me, I know this! But you let him see that impatient side of you! The last thing you want is for him to remember how much you guys fought. We women can be very impatient, a trait that men just can’t understand. You have to try your best to be patient if you think he’s worth it. Things might have got worse when you hung up on him, but it’s not too late to reconcile. I can’t imagine you would want to go through all that NC again! Call him, apologize, and just let him know that you were frustrated. But I know at some point you’ll need to tell him that you would hope he could make more of an effort. Hard to ask that when you don’t know where you stand with him. Hang in there!
@ cantsum
I’m in the same boat as Oshi. Broke up 2 months ago, long distance. Most of all of March was horrific. He was stressed from his job, which he quit and got another. It wasn’t until the end of March that I noticed a change in attitude. I’m assuming it’s bc the stress factor (old job) was no longer in his life. Stress does bring out the worst in ppl. I, like you, said some awful things to my ex while he was under a lot stress. I know NC is complete torture, but pls know that she’s heartbroken too and she is thinking of you! Does she get some time off after her exams are over?
@ cantsum
It sounds like you have a future chance. Let her get through all her exams before speaking again. Even if you were to contact her before all her exams, her focus would not be on you or the relationship which could make things worse. But you said it’ll be 2 months before all her exams are over? Well…give it sometime and maybe she’ll come through. It really does sound like she’s stressed and the fact that she didnt want to break up originally is a good sign. I do feel like you can get her back. And when you do, you’ll have to apologize for being rude to her!
@ Oshi
It sounds like things are going in the right direction. I know it sucks to have to initiate everything, but maybe they’ll come around eventually. Sometimes I wonder that maybe they don’t take initiative bc it might make them feel weak and caving in. Kind of like they are no longer in control. Unless they really have a hard time still letting things go. I’m glad you made plans again. It can only get better from here.
I’m going to try and stay positive. I texted my guy this morning and he got back to me right away. Such a huge difference from a month ago. He is communicating with me more, which makes me hopeful even though I initiate the texts. I just hope things go well when we see each other. Crossing my fingers….until then its a waiting game.Kinda. I was planning on seeing him this weekend. Last weekend he texted me and said that he just started his new job and wanted to get back into a routine before we started “anything again.” I was super confused. He basically said he wanted to feel relaxed and not anxious when we see each other. Didn’t really make a whole lot of sense, but I accepted the excuse. What else why I supposed to do? But he asked me to come visit the last weekend in April. I guess I’ll have to wait once again…..but I did ask him if he wanted to try and see how things go between us. He said we could see how things go, but no expectations. Im a little confused about that but I just let that be. I told him that I would like us to communicate more and he agreed. Since then we’ve been texting more than we used to and he’s actually responding in a timely manner, plus he’s being pretty nice. Whereas before he would leave me hanging and not be so nice. The biggest problem that I have is that he still has an active dating profile up. I deactivated my profile, but I go on every now and then to see if he’s still active and he is:(. It makes me less hopeful.
How is everything going for you?
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. I can’t post my letter bc it’s extremely long and quite personal but I will highlight everything I wrote about:
– I began with going back to our last arguement and told him everything I did and said wrong and what I should’ve done and said differently. I never once said anything that he did wrong (even though he was at fault too). I took all the responsibility.
– then spoke about my favorite times with him and why they were special
– I wrote about meeting his family and how much I enjoyed all the stories they had to share with me
– I wrote about why I thought we were good together and what I loved about him and what attracted me to himI’m crossing my fingers that he will want to work things out. I guess I just have to wait and be patient 🙁
Hope things get better, I know you are devastated. Try writing him a letter after sometime has passed and see how that goes.
I don’t think it’s in your imagination. He’s answering your calls and texts, that’s a good sign. And, more importantly, he’s willing to meet up. If he wasn’t interested, he’d blow you off.
As for me, well I don’t know. After my letter and his wonderful response, a week went by and I texted him. He responded right away. Then the next day I texted about making plans to see him (since we are doing long distance). He didn’t respond. Finally, I asked if he was ok. He said he was fine but that he didn’t like that I was acting like everything was all good between us. I told him that I know its not all good but that im trying to stay positive. He says, ok. Then I asked if he would consider my ideas (me going to visit him) and he said yes. Three days go by and I texted him bc I wanted to buy my plane ticket before they increased the price. He doesn’t get back to me. I asked him if he was upset and he texted back saying he’s ok and that he’s processing my texts and to give him some time. So now it’s just a waiting game. I’m trying to understand his behavior, it’s so confusing. I just hope that he will come through soon.
I’ve learned to not send too many long emotional texts bc it overwhelms my guy, at least that’s how I think he feels. One time I kept going on and on trying to get my point across that he told me I was too intense for him. Often times, being emotional can come off needy. In my email that I sent him, I didn’t beg for him back or apologize excessively. I didn’t want to come off as needy. I just focused on the issue at hand and broke it down in ways that I was able to show him that I acknowledged how I messed up and what I should’ve done instead to correct it. Simply saying I’m sorry didnt work bc I never addressed the issue.
My email was rather long and I basically discussed my view point on the last night we spent with each other when we fought, but focused only on what I should’ve done and said differently. I then went on about our good times, zoning in on when I met his family and many of the stories they told me. I elaborated on all the qualities I love about him, focusing on all his strengths and why we compliment each other. I don’t think he really understood how much I loved him up until now. He didn’t say much in his email and text other then he loved me, that my letter was sweet, and it made him emotional. But that’s how he is in general, short texts. He’s not going to write back a novel. I’m happy with my response. Although we haven’t texted since, I’m not worried. This is completely normal. We are doing long distance so 3-4 days would typically go by without texting or calling. Besides, I need to give him time before I bombard him with wanting to see him.
As far as your ex, give him some time. Don’t freak out. Let him absorb your letter and give him some time to think. I think Men take longer to communicate. He’s probably wondering what he should say.Hi Oshi,
I have good news! I broke the NC rule after 9 days. I woke up on day 10 and immediately started thinking about my last night with my ex, the night we fought. It’s like a light bulb went through my head and I could clearly see why he was upset and what I did wrong. All this time I was apologizing for the fight, but never recognized what exactly I said and did to make him give up on us. I couldnt believe what was racing through my mind. I knew instantly that I had to write him an email. I was very nervous being that I hadn’t completed NC for 30 days and it was only 9 days since our last texts. But, I took a chance anyway bc I couldn’t withold the information until the 30 day mark. I sent the email and within 30 min he wrote back saying he loved me! He also texted me too and said my letter made him emotional. So….hopefully things will progress. I haven’t spoken to him since 2 days ago, but that’s ok. I’m going to take things slow. After all, he loves me!!!!
What’s kik? I briefly read up on your situation. What’s the status on it now?
I’ve lost 9lbs total in 3 weeks. I took NyQuil last night bc I had an itchy throat, but mainly bc I wanted to sleep this depression off.
Makes me wonder how long does it take a guy to recover from being angry?
I’m sorry! I’m on day 6 of NC and it’s been the worst week of my life. I’m incredibly lonely and find it hard to concentrate. I keep wondering if I’ll even contact him after the 30 days. I guess only time will tell. I really hope things get better for you. Hang in there!
Any progress on your situation?
