[sunshineray]

Hello! I am really sorry you’re going through all of these hard things. I’ve recently gone through a hard breakup myself, and I feel like I can relate to you completely because my ex is kind of very recentful towards me and doesn’t like me at all, despite everything we went through. He doesn’t tell me bad things to my face because (this is going to sound sexist, and well it kind of is) well I’m the girl and he’s the guy and he doesn’t want to be disrespectful or anything. I know it sounds very ignorant but that’s the way he sees it. I think if he’s mad at me he should talk about it with me but whatever.
Anyway that’s not the point. The thing is I understand that you are now doing new and different things and you feel better and everything, but you’re a bit desperate to reach out to her so you can talk again. It’s completely understandable, but I think you should wait a bit more. There is not specific time, I can’t tell you “one month, two months, two weeks” or whatever, because as cheesy as it sounds it’s when you’re ready. Here’s where you gotta be smart and you need to learn to realise when you’re ready and when you’re needy. You might try to convince yourself that you’re ready to talk to her in a lonely night when really you’re just sad and think that if you text her everything will end up right, when in reality it might just be a step back.
To know you’re ready, you must look at all your relationship as one. Don’t divide it as “when we loved each other” to “when we didn’t”. The relationship was always with the same person, she’s that girl you were best friends with, she’s just showing you a side of her you didn’t know.
Ask yourself if you would forgive all the things she’s done to hurt you.
Sit down and analyze the things you did wrong, or the things she said you did wrong. Be honest with yourself and accept the things you know were not okay. Try looking at things from another perspective. If it’s something you’re sure you “can’t fix” imagine that you’re giving advice to someone else in that area. What would you tell them to do?
It’s when everything’s figured out in your head that you can text her again. When you believe that you guys could actually start a new relationship without all the old problems, that’s when you’re ready.
Because if she does want anything with you, the first thing she would want you to do is to probably sit down and talk maturely about it. Talk about the mistakes you both made and how you are sorry and that you believe that you guys are more than those mistakes that you never want to make again.

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