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Thanks for the advice guys. I wrote the last message and although I agreed with her that she was being a little selfish I think that we were still on good terms but that she didn’t know what to say to that?
Should I just wait for her to make the next move no matter how long that might take, or leave it for a week and get in touch with her if she doesn’t contact me?
I was also thinking about New Year and what I do now she has told me her plans about that. I certainly want to try and be very low contact over this period, but will obviously need to give her a little attention if she seeks it from me?
I was also on the cusp of sending her and her daughter something for Christmas. Only something small which I bought for them ages ago but haven’t given them. The gift for her daughter is something very small but I know that it will make both of them smile and probably realise that I have been holding on to these gifts as I haven’t known how to face giving them. Should I send these or not? I had built up the will to and probably would have done so already if I hadn’t been ill since the weekend. I’m now left with a day or two to get them sent if I want to before last post prior to Christmas… haha confused!
hmmm just as I have been writing this I have received a message from my Ex saying simply “Good morning hun hope your feeling better today xx”
I have a busy day ahead now, so I think that I should leave this until this evening to respond. Make her think a little? What do you guys think?
I get exactly the same bs from my Ex @LAbound
She loves me but not in a romantic way, she isn’t admitting anything but even if I wanted to stop talking to her she won’t let me go because I mean too much, we have a great connection etc.
She even asked today that she sees commitment as headaches and asked if it was selfish of her to feel that way.
My Ex has defo had one rebound, maybe two. The 2nd one she dumped during my last phase of NC which lasted 24 days.
So I defo know what you are going through and I’m just as confused myself. My Ex seems to love me and won’t let me walk out of her life for good, or even for the time it might take for me to heal properly as I think she knows that deep.down she is unlikely to find anyone like me. She knows that she is being selfish and she now knows that I won’t put up with anything and that she runs the risk of losing me for good.
I am still not sure that it will be enough to make her see sense until it is too late for at least one of us and that makes me sad.
@aryan I have gone through stages in nearly each of the 6 months since I split with my Ex where I have questioned whether she actually really does care about me or not. August was an awful month for me which resulted in her saying that she didn’t want me in her life anymore and her not speaking to me for a period of two weeks towards the end of the month and early September. We then had a period of very limited contact (her choice rather than mine) before her requesting my help for some things and a few big arguments.
The first 5 weeks or so after I dumped my Ex, towards the end of June were the easiest for me, even though they were difficult tines too. I hit rock bottom perhaps after approx 10 to 12 weeks after our split.
It has only been more recently that I have begun to accept the fact that I might never get the chance of a new relationship with my Ex. I have also thought to myself should I really want her back if she is unable to communicate better with me and shows that she really wants to give things another go too? I haven’t given up hope and have tried to leave the door open to her but if I’m honest then I still don’t really think things will work or improve for me or her very quickly. I always knew that this relationship would probably hurt me but I still couldn’t help myself due to our previous friendship history and the attraction we feel for eachother.
I would say that it is very unlikely that your Ex is actually as happy as he appears to be. If you are happy then you don’t really have to keep telling the world about it. You are just too busy leading your blissfully happy life.
@aryan My Ex updated something saying “So Happy” – Yeah she was so happy that both if her rebounds lasted less than two months and it appears that contact with either of those two guys is now very limited at best. Perhaps she doesn’t try to speak to either of them at all.
I have learnt that things aren’t always what they seem after break ups. When things are going well I now get worried about receiving yet another set back, but when I have almost given up hope my Ex always reaches out to me. It’s very confusing. I know that she cares about me very much but I would still put the liklihood of her giving me another chance at 50%.
I am trying to be jer friend first and foremost and remain the person I always promised her I would be. Sometimes that is not easy.
Assume that it’s not going to happen and work on yourself. Once you feel strong enough after NC then always leave the door open for him. Reward any good behaviour or nice contact you receive from him but also distance yourself if you sense a fight brewing. Have the conversation with him about wanting to be friends with him and that you still care about him, but that both of you need to leave the past in the past. There is no point in you keep blaming eachother for the relationship split. At least that’s what I done after NC and explained that I wasn’t ignoring my Ex but that I just needed some time to focus on myself.
@aryan I think that you should ask yourself the following question. If you had moved on to another relationship this quickly then would you be so public about it?
I wouldn’t. There is no way that I would want to show my immaturity by trying to rub an Ex’s face in how happy I appear to be in a new relationship so soon after a split.
I agree with you that it is odd that he has started seeing his best friend, but if that girl was so special to him then you need to ask yourself why was hr seeing you instead of her in the first place?
Stick with your NC, it’s still very early days yet.
@LAbound Sounds like your Ex has entered a second rebound relationship to me.
I believe that my Ex has had two rebounds, the first of which I believe she really liked and I was never supposed to know about. That relationship could have perhaps worked out for her if the fella that I believe she was seeing hadn’t got overly jealous and obsessed with my Ex’s refusal to take his advice by not to having anymore contact. He went all weird and became a bit of an obsessed idiot. I am so glad that this bloke shown his true colours quite early on as I was really worried about my Ex and her daughter when I believe she was seeing this guy. I was told by my Ex that this bloke was a family friend but don’t really believe that at all, although I’ve never made a big deal about it. This relationship lasted less than two months (between late July and early September I think).
My Ex then dated another man who she started seeing in October. She was upfront about this one telling me about him just a couple of weeks in to her.relationship with him. She said that she had already haf doubts about this relationship but liked the guy, even though she said that she had “no real connection with him” but “a great connection with me.” I played it cool with her for a couple of weeks or so but then went NC with her for 24 days after a disagreement with her. She dumped this fella during this period and contacted me saying that she needed my help with the guy I believe she had her first rebound relationship with after 18 days of NC.
I think/hope that she has now realised how rare it is to find somebody you have a great connection with who thinks the world of you and wants the best for you.
I’ve laid down rules that we don’t keep bringing up negative stuff that happened in the past. That is history now. We need to both start with a clean slate if we are to move on and at least salvage a friendship or something more out of the years that we have known eachother. I will just go quiet now if I think that she needs space or is trying to pick a fight with me.
We have been talking to eachother and being nice to one another for about 10 days now since I ended our NC. I’m scared of setting myself up again for yet more hurt but I don’t want to give up hope totally as I do keep getting given promising signs from her (really nice to me, followed by anger when she says that I am her best friend suggests to me that she is a long way from being over me). I still have no idea if I can engineer the opportunity for us to spend some quality time together though and I have no idea if she will ever run the risk of dating me again as I know that I hurt her a lot when.I dumped her and still think that she may be some time from seeing past that still. I do believe that she still has some hope that we may end up back together at some point though. I think that I would be history by now and she would not want such regular contact with me if this wasn’t the case.
In essence what I was trying to say was that just because your Ex is now dating the 2nd person she has seen since your split it doesn’t necessarily mean that this isn’t a rebound too. She will know if you are unhappy about who she is spending time with whether you hide it or not. Don’t read too much in to any relationships she might be having. If she still wants regular contact with you then she is not over you and the likelihood is that her current relationship will not last too long.
As @LAbound says, he is not over you. If he was and had mived on to a new relationship where he was happy then you would hardly ever hear from him. It is a good sign but hurtful that he is seeing someone else but still misses you and wishes to message you every day. Friends do not message eachother every day, not even best friends.
My Ex had a rebound relationship with someone that she told me about and who she described as her having no real connection with, while she said she had a great connection with me. During that relationship she was wanting to speak to me everyday and even flirt with me until I put my foot down, told her what I thought of her behaviour and went NC.
I believe that prior to that and less than 2 months after we split she may have moved straight on to a relationship where she did have a connection with the guy she was seeing and was hopeful that she could move on with and forget about me. During the early days of that relationship which I am supposed to be unaware of I hardly heard from my Ex. It wasn’t until this guy started getting upset that she refused to stop all contact with me and getting jealous and nasty towards her about it that me and my Ex worked through that one a bit.
So it still looks far more promising than you think. Remain NC for a while then mix things up for a bit. Don’t be afraid to let him know how you really feel now and again and don’t give.up hope, as he is clearly a long way from being over you yet.
Your situation sounds promising and your Ex is far from being over you if contacting you every day.
You might want to mix things up a bit with him. Try blowing hot and cold for a while after your period of NC finishes and see what happens.
I just messaged my Ex at 2am in the morning saying that I missed her and was a little worried about her but I understood if she didn’t want to talk. It is the first time that she has heard that I have been missing her for a couple of months I think and I although it went against most of the advice handed out here I thunk that she needed to hear it right now.
She messaged me back saying sorry and that she did want to talk and added a kiss to tge end of one of the messages that she has sent me for the first time in a month.
I thought I was doing totally the wrong thing by sending the type of message that I just sent her and fought with myself prior to sending it, but it appears to have not gone down too badly.
Hopefully it will give her the courage to pursue getting on better terms with me a bit more.
Good luck with your situation. The rebound relationship stuff hurts, especially when you are getting on well with your Ex in the fake friend zone. What exactly has your Ex said about this relationship?
Thank you Athens.
My Ex’s rebound relationship is over. She told me only two weeks in to it that she had no real connection with the guy and that she had already had doubts about it. I don’t know if me saying how I really felt about this relationship of hers a few weeks later had some effect on her dumping him and really missing me, but up until that point it seemed like she was having her cake and eating it.
I am more concerned about another guy who I think she might have been seeing before that as he really is a ****head but seems to continue to cause her numerous problems that she asks me to help her out with. She told me that this fella was a family friend, but I think that it was another rebound relationship where she actually did have a good connection with the guy until he became obsessive about her still having contact with me. She told him that she would not stop talking to me and he started getting very nasty towards her and her daughter online because of this.
I haven’t heard from my Ex since Monday and think that she is confused and probably a bit depressed about things at the moment.
I still have hope that me and my Ex do still have something special between us and that things can work themselves out, but I’m not sure on how or when my chance might come. I am glad that I have stood up to her on certain issues and become less of a walkover. Hopefully she can learn to respect that again.
Hope it goes well for you.
I contacted my Ex after 24 days NC due to her requesting my help with something on day 18. Part of me is now gutted that I didn’t do my 35 days NC that I had planned initially.
She gave me a short sharp.response to my first message but we were talking in depth and joking within the hour. She text me good morning the following day (Monday), we had a very short convo with her sending the last message at 11am. I responded to that message of hers 12 hours later, didn’t speak to her yesterday and haven’t heard from.her all day today despite sending her a message this morning.
I have no idea where I am at now again and will not be speaking to her for another week unless she reaches out and contactse first.
I will follow how you are getting on and any advice others give here too. Good luck!
@atea1234 You are lucky that he is still being very open with you and that you still have the opportunity to spend some quality time with him. I wish that I could get that opportunity with my Ex.
@LAbound has already offered you some good advice from the male.perspective.Give it time and don’t give up hope too soon. Good luck!
@Athens Sorry to hear that. It sounds like it could possibly be a more advanced stage of where I’m currently at. My emotions have been made slightly raw again by my Ex contacting me during NC. The rebound relationship she told me about is no more, but I still get the feeling that her defences are up and that she will never give me the chance to make proper amends until it may be too late.
Stay strong and look after yourself.
It should be good for you to use the same words that she does in text convo’s, but try to not think too much of it.
I would say so yes @shawns if she hasn’t agreed to you turning up, but what do I know. I am in to 5 months of failing and totally lost. Good luck!
