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Hi Malinda, more on my current situation can be found here https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/day-19-of-nc-and-contacted-by-my-ex/#post-16653
You know, I’m not even sure if I want my Ex back anymore Malinda. She contacted me about 10 hours ago saying that she needed my help with something and I am not responding. If she had listened to the advice that I had previously given her then she wouldn’t need to be asking for this advice now. I’m not my Ex’s emotional punch bag to run to whenever she is in trouble while she is treating me like a mug in return.
My Ex will have to take a look at her behaviour since the split and start being more open and honest about her feelings and what has happened over the last few months. If she wants my friendship then it’s a two way thing and she best start working on it or I want nothing to do with her.
Thank you for your best wishes though.
@Malinda The only similarities between your story and mine is that you were perhaps jealous and mistrusting of your Ex and what he had told you about his previous relationship when he first started seeing you.
Mistrust at the start of a relationship will cause your partner to pick up on something being wrong, although it may take them some time to figure out what might be the issues that are causing you concern.
You also have the anger issues which is confusing to us men, as it shows us that you still care about us very much but feels like you are being nasty to us and purposefully trying to upset us, or look for any kind of reaction from us as you are still hurting from the break up.
It was me that initiated the split from my Ex as I sensed that she was keeping her options open because she thought that I was a serial liar and a cheat. It is also me who has done most of the chasing pre split. She is in a rebound relationship still I think (at least she had been for a month prior to me starting NC).
I have never cheated on anyone in my life strictly speaking and to hear the woman that I love keep saying that hurts.
You need to go NC for at least 30 days, work on yourself and consider your relationship carefully. Some good advice can be found in Ryan Rivers – Relationship Rewind.
I am currently on day 18 of a planned 35 day NC and although I had a weak moment where I felt like contacting my Ex between days 10 and 12, I now feel stronger for getting through that period. I am even considering extending my NC period through Christmas and up until the New Year.
Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do Malinda. I wish that my Ex would put in half the effort that you currently are.
@Samuel Remind me, who is Brandon?
It sounds to me like your Ex is using it as a chance to talk to you and grab your attention (gain the upper hand and control in your relationship again) before you are ready to give it to her.
If you are still planning to end your NC on day 30 then if I were you I would wait until then before contacting your Ex. She needs to know that she can’t just reach out and you will be there for her no matter what her behaviour is. You must only have about a week of your 30 day NC left now. Therefore, if your initial plan was 30 days NC then my advice would be to stick with strict NC until the end.
@Ccltj009 Don’t worry, I only got to 8 days tge first time I tried NC 2 months in to my break up.
You just need to stop making mistakes. I know nothing of your relationship but I was given a chance of establishing a good fake friendship until I blew it recently. It is only since I recently blew it by letting my real feelings known about my Ex’s rebound relationship that she told me about that I have started to take the advice I have found online a seriously. I am now on day 18 of a planned 35 day NC which is due to end on 10th December. After having a weak spell and nearly caving in myself a few days ago, I am now feeling strong amd considering extending my NC period until after Christmas.
My reasons for the possible extension are that I don’t want to face a possible no response or more disagreements and upset with my Ex over what is usually a difficult time of year for me anyhow. Perhaps I will feel in a stronger position to face talking to her again just before the New Year.
@Samuel Sounds a little similar to where I am currently at. I am now on day 16 of a planned 35 day no contact. My Ex is also in a rebound relationship with somebody she described to me as her having no real connection with, or at least she was for approx 4 weeks prior to me starting this no contact period.
My feelings sound the same. Less obsession, although I still do want to keep her in my life and ideally would like to work at getting her back for good one day. I think that me and my Ex know each other too well to just give up and I am starting to realise how cool that I will need to play it to be given the chance of another opportunity.
Best of luck!
It’s difficult. My Ex defo has her guard up with me. I ended our relationship and I think it came as a total shock to her. Not sure if she has ever been dumped before and I know that it hurt her a lot but it was never my intention to lose her, I was simply hoping that she would ease the fears that I was having at the time. So my Ex is certainly guarded and seems to love and hate the fact that up until now I have always been able to at least partly break down her defenses. Texting when you are on these terms can be a bloody minefield!
Best of luck!
Well done – pleased for you and agree with what you say re: fights and connection. My ex says that she has a great connection with me and that she still loves me as a friend. She is in a rebound relationship with somebody she says that she doesn’t have a very good connection with and gets angry with me whenever she misconstrues something simple that I disagree with her over, hence my current period of no contact. Just hope that I am not doing further damage in this no contact period (I am currently 16 days in to my planned 35 days).
Always good to hear some positive stories. All the best!
