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Very well said Kaila 🙂
It has almost become like a soap opera on here getting your daily dose of numerous emails for those who are unfortunate enough to be subscribed to this particular thread.
Your post has reminded me Kaila. How do we unsubscribe from emails for a thread that we no longer wish to follow on here?
For @Samuel and @confused_girl I understand that your emotions are still raw but you have received all of the support that you are ever likely to receive from this place and as it is Grand National day today here in the UK may I suggest that you are flogging a dead horse by continuing to post on here. If you want to stay in touch with eachother then please exchange contact details and do so.
I wish you both the best of luck but you really do both need to stop thinking so much. I am now in to mmy 2nd phase of fake friendship with my Ex and I am now almost 5 months in. It hasn’t been easy at times, my Ex tells me that she loves me nearly every day now and she has also said that she wants me back later this year.
Actions speak louder than words though and I realise that apart from being her friend there is nothing that I can do to win her back unless she genuinely wants that to happen herself. I still accept that me and my Ex may never get back together despite loving eachother. I still hope that we do but my life has moved on a little and me pushing others that are interested in me away will only last so long too. Whatever will be will be!
Once again good luck to both of you and thank you Kaila.
An update on my situation 2 months on from ending NC.
I have been in the friendship/false friendship zone since I ended NC and feel on the whole that perhaps I have made some steady progress towards a potential reconciliation later this year.
I spoke to my Ex for an hour and 20 mins on the phone yesterday and she liked that I publicly said that it was the sweetest convo that I’d had in a long time.
She has said when messaging me that she is looking forwards to sharing a big cuddle with me when me meet up later this year. She has a couple of personal issues that she must attend to first and I have been supporting her on this.
She put up one of them quote pictures yesterday which said in it somewhere something like “for the wind is gentler than my lips” to which I sent her a message saying “nothing is gentler than your lips honey.. except maybe mine?”
She responded with “yeah and your hands.”
All soundd promising stuff huh? There have been times when I have felt down about how things are going though and I have felt like spitting my dummy out again and arguing with her. I promised myself after NC that I didn’t want to go down that route again though, so when I feel that she isn’t herself or if I feel upset about something then I just try giving each of us a few days space before starting a new convo from scratch with her.
It’s been hard work, but two months is the longest we have spoken to each other since without having a falling out since I ended our relationship last June.
Fingers crossed something will come of it when the time is right as I jave no doubts whatsoever that she is still in love with me. I just hope that is enough for her to trust me with her heart again.
@Martin I would say that you need to man up and take the bull by the horns a little bit (no offence). You need to be more confident. It sounds like she is contacting you because she wants to speak to you. She is using irrelevant excuses so that she doesn’t have to open up to you as she may want you to give her an more of an indication that you are still interested first.
Message her and apologise for ignoring her call. Initially just say that you were busy and arrange to meet up with her if she still says that she is still willing.
When you meet ask her lots of open questions. Try to get her to talk about how she is feeling without making it too obvious. You will then be able to sense either on the day or a few weeks down the line if contact continues after you meet up with her what she really wants.
Remember to play it cool and seek further time on your own if you feel an argument or difference of opinion that will inflame matters brewing. She might turn around and tell you that she isn’t seeing this other guy or that it isn’t serious. Believe me, if it was serious then it is likely taht you would be way out of the picture by now. You woild sense that she is totally indiffernt to you. It doesn’t seem like that is the case from what you have said as she has reached out for you several times during your different periods of NC.
You have to accept and remember that you may never be a couple again though. You have to decide whether starting from scratch again and being her friend is worth the risk. It could lead to lots more hurt or it could lead to a new relationship that is stronger than what you had before and better than anything you have evwr had.
Good luck!
@Martin You need to listen to confusedbutok here. You will.seriously be harming your chances of winning your Ex back.if you try to have that conversation with her.
I have seen my Ex have one rebound relationship that she told me about and perhaps another one. I have made.all the common errors. Since my last NC period ended on the last day of November I promised myself during the first week or so of false friendship that I would play it cool this time. My NC had finally given me the confidence that my Ex needs me perhaps more than.I need her. She reached out to me but I didn’t contact her until I was ready to speak to her. When I did speak to her she told me that she had ended her rebound relationship.
I have learnt the hard way that I can’t force things. I need to be fun, compliment her and reward her when she is nice towards me or.flirts with me. When I get frustrated or angry I must not react and instead allow each of us a little space for a few days.
I have had to accept that I may never win my Ex back and it does very much feel like we are in that very early stage of should we go on another date or not territory.
I need to be patient (not my best quality). In time we will see what happens and I’m cool with that.
@confusedbutok Sorry the Christmas parties were in December not January.
@confusedbutok I see what you’re saying but I read somewhere that “false friendship” uses the wrong terminology because being a friend is exactly what it is about. Of course you also need to set down boundaries, rewarding your Ex for good behaviour but not playing games and simply putting a little distance between yourselves when things are not running smoothly. Hopefully this distance will make her realise her own faults by herself and if it does not then you have to accept that you have been strong and done all that you could do for them.
I know that I create attraction still in my Ex. She has talked off her own back about meeting up with me and sharing cuddles later this year, about how much she cares for me and been extremely flirty on and off. I have had much time to muyself over the last few months. I think that she believes that I may have dated from pictures taken at Christmas parties and the like in January but I haven’t, I was just having fun. I think that she realised in November that I wouldn’t wait around forever. She ended a rebound relationship and made contact with me during my NC period. I still left it until I was ready to make contact with her and had prepared myself for an exam that I was sitting in early December.
I think that far too many people on here think that NC or LC on it’s own is the answer to winning their Ex back. It is not, it is simply about making yourself stronger and accepting that you may never win your Ex back. You are starting a new friendship/relationship from scratch almost and have to leave the past in the past. The REAL HARD WORK begins when NC finishes.
@Nell That’s what I done – deactivated my FB account during NC. I had wanted to for a long time anyway and have only started using it again due to work purposes. My use of all forms of social media took a nose dive last year.@Martin Sorry but I have been busy. I think that you done exactly the right things earlier. Did you get your Ex’s dissertation printed and bound for her? Did you speak to her this evening and how did it go?
I sometimes think that I am still giving too much time to my Ex. I am now two months in to a false friendship phase (my second attempt at this but first planned attempt – I wasn’t ready the time before) with her.I know that my Ex will not be ready to meet up with me until March at the earliest and each time that I feel angry or frustrated I back off and give each of us some space.
She has to take part in a court case in about 10 days time. Something that will be very traumatic for her and I always promised that I would support her on. I have also been supporting her young daughter by sending her Christmas and Birthday presents and trying to keep some kind of contact going. It’s not my Ex’s daughters fault whatever does or does not happen between me and her mum and I want her to feel like she is important and cared about whatever happens.
Sometimes think that I am being taken for a mug, but I don’t really believe that and even if I am being at least I can be proud of myself.
@Martin It might seem that way. Only you kniw enough about your situation and can decide whether it is worth the risk or not. From what you have said though it is costing you nothing but a few minutes of your time and it will help your Ex out a lot and save her a fair bit of money (for her).
Therefore I would do it and shrug it off as nothing and that you are always pleased to help her if you can when she thanks you for it then judge the situation if she contacts you again. You will run the risk of being hurt but have to keep telling yourself that you expect nothing. This should hopefully show her that you are a good man, a strong alpha male and still a good catch. Only she can decide whether she views that as being any more than a nice gesture or not again one day. Well done though. Give yourself a reward for being a nice guy whether she does or not.
@Martin Well done – way to go… just play it cool with her.
If she is dating somebody else but still talks to you regularly every day then this will show that she hasn’t moved on as much as you may have previously thought.
Be confident, pay her compliments when she treats you well or compliments you and try not to bite but simply take time for yourself when she will inevitably test you or push your buttons if she is still interested in you.
I am sure that she will let you know if her new relationship is serious.
@Martin Just reply back and say something like “Ok speak to you soon then.” Stop playing games. As long as she is willing to speak to you and treat you with a bit of respect then allow her to do so.
Try to reward her for good behaviour towards you while allowing a little distance between each of you if you feel that she is pushing your buttons.
You need to be brave enough to allow her the opportunity to get close to you again. She might not be willing to take that opportunity when you would like things to happen if at all, but you need to be able to give her a platform to do so if you ever want the chance to win her back.
@ThePhoenix I have had sleep troubles for at least a year now, although these have become slightly better recently. I have had a problem with spots on my left shoulder and a recurring mouth ulcer which blows up to a massive size each time that I am feeling stressed (both problems that I have never previously suffered from). I am also a Type 1 diabetic and have had numerous hypos (low blood sugar fits) over the last 12 months which I also put down to the stress that I have been under.
@Martin I have already purchased Relationship Rewind and found some of the things in there helpful. I agree with much of what this Lizard Brain bloke has to say, especially that going NC for ages and ages is unlikely to win anyones Ex back. I am tempted to see more of what he has to say as I am two months in to a second period of false friendship. I understand (for legitimate reasons that I would rather not talk about) that my Ex will not look at stepping up any attempt to make progress in getting back with me until March at the earliest. I do still get some mixed signals from her.I think that I upaet her a little a few days ago and so went LC because I have been busy over the weekend. She messaged me last night in a reaching out kind of way when I was in bed after midnight. When I messaged back she told me something like “of course I still care… obviously more than you know.”
I know we are still close and that she has said that she wants to see me later this year – promising signs yes but they’re still just words and it remains to be seen what may or may not happen.
@Nell She didn’t message me back that evening no, she went offline around the exact time that I messaged her but she did message me the following morning (Sunday).
She seems to only go online late at night if I do I think and this has led me to think that she is there and hoping that I will start all the conversations which I get tired of doing because I am thinking at times that she is showing a lack of interest despite some of the things she says when we are talking. I desperately want to see her doing some of the running again as when I see her online and not messaging me it doesn’t make me feel great.
@ThePhoenix I’ve had the same too. I am told by my Ex that I am her best friend and that she would be gutted if I decided that I didn’t want to have her in my life no more.
We shall see what happens in time!
Not a silly question at all @Nell
I believe that my Ex tried to go NC with me in August last year and again in September. I am still of the belief that she was seeing somebody else at this point (her first of two rebound relationships that I’m not supposed to know about – she told me about the 2nd one and that’s when I went NC not long after that).
I am currently in a 2nd phase of false friendship, although I still get the impression that both of us take days out from speaking to eachother as we can’t handle it. Yesterday was such a day for us and I have just come in from a night out. I think that she has been online wondering when I would contact her today/yesterday as she was online when I got home just after 2am this morning. I messaged her at 02:10 and she hasn’t been online since then. My guess is that she wasn’t chatting to anyone but was wondering where I was and what I was up to.
What do you think?
@Martin Which city would that be and what is the G.I.G syndrome to which you refer?
