Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I’d maybe try LC for a while and play hard to get. Give her brief, infrequent “tasters” of your “happy self” and see what happens.
Happy New Year everyone 🙂
Quick update from me. I upheld the NC right through her birthday, Christmas & New Year and I have to say that I feel pretty good about it. I’m keeping my end of my promise – I’m giving her the time and space that she clearly wants.
I genuinely don’t know whether she expected me to or not, but either way what’s done is done and although I still miss her (and her family) I’m not so cut up about it anymore. I think I’m finally making it over to the other side.
The NC is still ‘indefinite’ in that I plan to stay invisible to her until such a time that a) she reaches out to me, or b) a considerable amount of time has passed whereby I can safely approach her in a neutral capacity (it would be nice if we could become genuine friends again, we had a good relationship by and large!)
My focus right now is planning some further self changes for this new year and one or two are already coming to fruition – I have a date this weekend that I’m actually really looking forward to 🙂
Take care of yourselves guys!
There’s been a noticeable change in my ex too, both in attitude and appearance (for the worse, imo). I’ve been trying to read her actions recently and I can’t tell if she’s really as happy as she’s making out to be (with her new guy) or if at least some of it is just for show (she still follows/is followed by most of my family on facebook, instagram & snapchat). On christmas morning, like literally first thing, she send my mother a private message on facebook wishing us all a happy christmas. Not much to read into I guess, but the fact that she reached out to my mum at least shows that I/we are still in her thoughts.
All I can suggest is we just keep going. We may grow to dislike the change(s) in our ex over time and simply start not caring, but either way we ourselves just need to play it cool. Early January will mark the end of my second attempt at NC, but I plan to go much longer than that!
Well said Athens, also my sentiments 🙂
@Martin I was actually beginning to worry mate, but I’m glad that you didn’t do anything silly 😛 as I’ve said to you before your situation certainly seems more hopeful than mine. I’m convinced that my ex thinks that her new guy is the one she should’ve been with from the start so in that sense ‘moving on’ is literally the only thing I can do, and whatever happens in the future happens. Take a step back from the situation for a couple of weeks and enjoy your christmas & new year with your family, then start 2015 with a fresh outlook 🙂You and I both know that our situations are similar mate, so what I can say to you is to just keep your chin up. My ex slept with her new guy before we even officially broke up, and believe me I took it really hard at the time. All you can do is accept that it’s something that can happen, particularly if you’ve been her only sexual partner which was the same for me & my ex. I know it’s hard not to think about it but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move past it. Humans will forever be seeking for more than one sexual partner, it is simply how we are programmed.
Try and get yourself into a place where you can feel comfortable being ‘you’ again. If anything, the NC I’ve done this month has helped me move past what she is doing and start concentrating on my own life a bit more. It’s her birthday tomorrow and I’m quite confident I can resist the temptation to contact her – she knows my feelings and it’s up to her to either dwell on it or attempt to move on like I’m doing.
Absolutely anything can happen in the future when it comes to love and life – if you keep an open mind about things it’ll help you move forward, promise! 🙂
Dreamt about her again last night, though this time it was post breakup and we were hanging out as friends, asking each other about our (though really just her) new partner(s). Didn’t stop me from feeling pretty low (again) upon waking up, I’m still a long way off from being able to handle a false friendship whilst she’s in a relationship with this guy.
I wonder if she has dreams about me often too.. though I doubt it, wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if she’s moved on already.
I guess I’m struggling more and more because I think I realise the chances of a reconciliation are incredibly slim now. This guy she’s started seeing since we’ve broken up is a guy that she’s admired for the last 5 years (even during our relationship they still spoke often, even passionately at times as I’ve come to find out). The other thing is that pretty much every friend she’s spoken to has convinced her that she did the right thing, and that those two ‘make more sense’ than me & her 🙁
I have TONS of questions for her that I know I shouldn’t ask, as that would burn the bridges completely, but the fact that thoughts & images of her absolutely flood my mind on a daily basis is pushing me to breaking point. It’s something that I desperately want to let go of but my mind simply won’t let me.
The biggest pain is not knowing. Not knowing how she really feels about me, both now and during our relationship. Given the events of the last few weeks i’m honestly wondering why she even stayed with me for as long as she did, if this guy was always ‘the one’ she wanted to be with..
I just feel pretty betrayed.. but I know that there was a really close connection between us, one that wasn’t simply faked. So, what on earth was she thinking?
I am constantly having dreams about us still being together. It’s making things unnecessarily hard.. 🙁
Well mine is currently “indefinite”, meaning I’m basically going to go for as long as I can. Couple months into next year at least.
Yes it’s reinstated, indefinitely. I’m still having trouble controlling my emotions and my sleep is still being interrupted. All I can really do now is go cold turkey.. I can see it taking a while before I can fully detach myself from her now. Sucks, but that’s the way it’s gone down unfortunately.
I’ve been hitting up the dating apps in the last couple of days and it has actually helped somewhat. Just talking to new women helps to at least temporarily take my mind off her. Just gotta keep plugging away!
What I will say for you is that your situation certainly appears a lot more hopeful than mine. Keep doing what you’re doing, the fact shes been trying to reach out is a positive sign!
Hey guys. Been a couple of days since I’ve posted in here, and it’s because a major development has occurred..
I broke NC on Day 8 (Monday night). The reason? I went into relapse. I found out the night before, purely through snooping (which I really shouldn’t have done, in hindsight) that my ex slept with the “rebound guy” around a week before we officially broke up (during the “break” period) and she didn’t seem to feel too guilty about it.
It’s also become clear that this guy isn’t just a “rebound” – he’s the main reason why she’s broken up with me. She wants to begin a relationship with him, completely flying in the face of what she said originally when she claimed that she just wanted to be “single” again.
I literally couldn’t sleep on the Sunday night at all, it was the most awful I’d ever felt.
I broke NC the following evening by taking a pretty major step – I sent her a long email to say my goodbyes. Until such a time where I can heal properly after this, she won’t be hearing from me again. She responded via text not long after and was obviously quite upset, and had hoped we could still be friends because I “meant a lot” to her, but understood why I did it.
I didn’t directly confront her about what I found out the night before. I decided to keep it civil and let her know, calmly, that I knew she hadn’t been 100% truthful with me and that I had a pretty solid idea of the events that lead up to the breakup. Whether she put 2 & 2 together here I’m honestly not sure, but I did my best to spell it out for her without actually letting her know that I was snooping.
So, it’s pretty much game over for us now. I’m not prepared to let her have her cake and eat it, especially when I’ve been feeling as shit as I have been for the last 6 weeks. Literally the only thing I can do at the point is cut her off from my life completely and work on getting my heart mended, only then will I decide if getting back in touch with her in the future is wise or not.
The irony is, through all this, I still love the girl. I kinda understand why she’s done what she’s done, she just could’ve gone about it in a more respectful manner. I guess she deserves a crack at another relationship with someone else she feels for, I was her first everything pretty much so she’s made a life decision and I can’t hate her for that.
To all of you guys who are still on track with your NC’s – keep going, and don’t make the same mistake that I did. Getting over someone is always easier when there’s still some hope left in your heart, so try not to overthink things!
Good luck 🙂
If you hold onto the motto “never say never” then I guess there is always hope somewhere. As for how long it’ll be before you start feeling better it’s up to you really, if it takes a while then so be it, but time always heals in the end. 🙂
Don’t take this the wrong way but I don’t want to say where i’m from. Trying to remain as anonymous as possible for obvious reasons!
What I will say though is that we don’t live close anyway, unfortunately! I respect the idea though 🙂
Well done for doing that 🙂 sounds like it was the right thing to do considering your feelings. You just have to remain positive going forward, you’ll start feeling better eventually, no matter what happens.
I suppose I just had a ‘weak moment’ earlier. Naturally I accept that it’s gonna happen often as I still miss her a lot, but I need to try and not lose sight of the main goal. I feel a bit better now remembering that I should be paying more attention to myself during this period and not her and that, in many ways, this needs to happen right now anyway, for both of our sakes.
I do really regret the way I bugged her right after the breakup and how needy I came across, so naturally I want to bury the hatchet as soon as possible, though I suppose the only way it’ll come across with any sort of verve is if a decent enough amount of time has passed whereby she’ll actually a) believe me, and b) be really pleased to hear from me after such a time.
This really is the very definition of the “waiting game”, isn’t it? Patience isn’t really one of my strong points! 😛
