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I think that is a good idea. My original plan was to wait for her to text me back but I feel like she was trying to determine what stuff of hers I had to decide if it was worth meeting up for or not. So who knows when she would actually get back to me? I will take your suggestion and try and arrange a time to meet Thursday or Friday but won’t text her until tomorrow. I was talking to my friend while she was texting me and they are a pretty negative person and were saying she is blowing you off, she’s over it, get straight to the point about California and don’t make small talk (they don’t understand you have to take it slow). Below is our short conversation. I didn’t think it was that bad. What do you think? I probably joked more than I should have or beat around the bush about her stuff. I took a sleeping pill and didn’t read our texts until just now. I honestly couldn’t remember everything that was said. Perhaps I did irritate her a little. I was trying to live room for question about her stuff. I know this is going to take a lot of work.
Her: Hey
Her: Did you call?
Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: I’m good. How are you?
Me: Good to hear. I’m doing great, thanks,
Her: Did you need to talk about something?
Me Yes I do. Maybe we could meet up for a quick lunch/dinner this week and chat. I have some stuff I need to give you too.
Her: What stuff?
Me: A bunch of stuff I found.
Her: Ok like what?
Me: It’s too much stuff to text. There is quite a bit.
Her: Ok can you give me a hint?
Me: Let me know what day works best for you to grab a quick bite and we can compare schedules.
Me: I would have to go look and I just got in bed. I’ll say that there is a little surprise included lol.
Her: What do you need to give me?
Me: Lol you want me to name it all?
Her: Not all maybe the most important stuff.
Me: How am I supposed to know what you think is most important (laughing face)
Me: I know what I think is most important.
Her: What?
Me: Clothes, bag full of stuff, make up. There is more but it’s all bagged up. Skull (something I got her in Mexico).
Me: I also want to chat with you about a few light things.After this she never responded.
I think when you are blocked you can still leave voicemails. I know you can still get texts. I called back once more (about an hour later) and it went to voice mail. Then she text me saying “hey” and asked if I called. I said yes and asked how she was and then she asked how I was. Then she asked if I needed to talk to her about something. I told her I did and thst I needed to give her some stuff and asked if we could grab a quick lunch or dinner. She has been asking constantly in short sentences what I need to give her. I just said some of your stuff and I can’t remember it all and I am in bed. She wanted to know the most important things so I named a few small things. She keeps avoiding the question about meeting up to eat. Ive mentioned it twice. I probably need to end the conversation. Let her text me back about it?
Ouch, I just tried calling and it went straight to voicemail after a small pause. Pretty sure my number is blocked again. I thought it wouldn’t be since she called me last Monday. Don’t know if I should text her, call back, or if she will see that she has a missed call even though I am blocked and call back.
Glad to hear the concert went great and that you had cool weather . I hope you are enjoying the beginning of your week. It was 100 degrees here the other day, it was horrible. I have no clue what the Facebook stuff means either. It makes me wonder if her rehab friend told her I liked a post or something but who knows and there is no sense in dwelling on it. I plan on calling her tonight or tomorrow but honestly I am so nervous and kind of worried about the whole thing. I’ll let you know how it goes after I finally get the courage to call (not sure when that will be). I am scared it won’t go well or I won’t get any response at all. It’s been 25 days without me reaching out to her.
Ugh, just a follow up. So I totally didn’t follow through on the Facebook thing. I just saw my friend and hers (her best friend) online and clicked on the profile. I noticed her friend posted like 4 pictures of them together and that my ex wasn’t tagged in them. I was like no way she blocked me again. It turns out she did. I knew I shouldn’t have looked. I wasn’t blocked earlier today because I saw her comment on my friends wall.
I am clueless why she would block me out of no where again. I guess she was thinking about me on the plus side. She dyed her hair to my favorite color too :(. It’s like she knows I have been snooping. Do you think I lost some of the gains I made? Sorry for posting back to back. I really need to stop torturing myself.
Luckily I didn’t end up contacting her yesterday. I was so bored sitting at home and almost gave in but then my friend called me and I went to an arts festival and then went out for a few drinks. It was exactly what I needed to help get my mind of things. I also went to church today for the second time in years. Staying busy makes things a little bit easier and it’s nice to remind myself that there are other girls out there. I still thought about her a lot but it helped cheer me up a bit.
The posts you have read online about Facebook are totally correct. Looking at her page and snooping has caused so much agony, anxiety, and has made me want to act impulsively and call her after my mind starts guessing what things mean. I am trying to not snoop on her or her friends Facebooks anymore. I really hate thinking about that guy she dated commenting on her stuff. In some strange way I like to know what she’s doing but at the same it drives me crazy and prevents me from being emotional stable.
I totally agree, going to Tahoe is a horrible idea. It helps getting reassurance from you. If my ex saw pictures of me and that girl who knows how she would react even though me and her are just friends. I do know that nothing good would come of it. Tonight I just went and got sushi with the girl my ex hates. I was able to say goodbye before she moves away to Tahoe. It was nice chatting with her.
I hope next week gets here quick and I hope my ex answers her phone. I guess only time will tell what happens. I’m just trying to figure out what day to call. It’s hard because I don’t know her schedule and when she has rehab meetings and what not. Maybe I will just shoot for Tuesday or Wednesday night. I’m kind of nervous about her not answering or just responding with a text. Tuesday would make about 3 ½ weeks of me not contacting her.
How was your outdoor concert? Did you have a good weekend? Sorry for the delayed response. I was really busy today. I hope you are doing well. Do you have anything fun planned for the 4th of July?
Haha you sound a lot like me. I go to concerts quite a bit and have no idea who is playing. I mainly just go for the experience and to hangout with friends. Sometimes concerts with local bands are the most fun because they aren’t as crowded. Most of my friends are in Michigan for a festival this weekend and it has been a boring weekend for me. I am so happy you wrote me back today. I have been really struggling the last two days. I am sure it’s because of looking at Facebook the other day. Seeing one of my ex’s past boyfriends liking and commenting on her stuff really just gave me a lot of anxiety. I hope it goes away soon. I know my ex is hanging out with rehab friends, going to meetings, and focusing on her recovery and that is really important. I really want to break no contact today and see if she wants to go get dinner or something. I think she will be at work until later this evening (then again I don’t know her working schedule). I imagine since it’s a Saturday night she may already have plans so it might not be worth breaking no contact until next week like we talked about. I still kind of want to try though. Is it a bad idea? It’s been 21 days since I last saw her (wedding) and haven’t attempted to communicate with her. Gosh 21 days doesn’t sound like a long time but it feels like it. I just want to see what it’s like spending time with her again, see if her anger has faded, and if I should still pursue her. What do you think about breaking no contact today? One thing I do fear is that she will think I have nothing going on tonight and am sitting home on a Saturday. I have things I could do tonight though.
You hit the nail on the head about “being stuck”. Sitting around wondering what will happen is like waiting for a really important test result to come back and my life feels like it’s on hold until I get the results back. I figure, even if things don’t work out how I want them to it’s going to be really hard to get over everything because even after all of this time of being officially split up (I think like almost 2 months) I still haven’t gotten over it or moved on. I try to stay busy and active but even then I catch myself thinking about her. I’ve heard girls move on faster than guys so maybe that’s true? All in all, I really just miss her a ton. Talking to her briefly about paying me back the money she borrowed on Monday was nice. You are so right; sitting home alone is when my mind really starts wandering and wondering about things.
A few girls I know invited me to go to Tahoe for the 4th of July weekend. Part of me wants to go because it might help me get my mind of things. It’s probably a bad idea though because one of the girls my ex’s absolutely hates and in the past it caused problems in our relationship when we would hangout as friends even in a group of people. I know tons of pictures will be posted on Facebook too which my ex will see and it might push her further away. So it is probably a bad idea to go to Tahoe with her even though she has a boyfriend and we are all just friends. I thought it might make my ex jealous and could work in my benefit but I can’t think like that. Plus it could backfire horribly and a seven hour drive doesn’t sound like fun.
Really the only reason I even would want to go is because I know a girl that lives down there that I met years ago at my sister’s wedding and if I go down there she wanted to meet up. She’s always been my friend but I’m sure we would have dated years ago if we didn’t live so far apart (we’ve been friends for like 11 years). I could always go see her later during the summer though depending on how things go with my ex. I am just looking for ways to keep my mind off things. I don’t know why I am having such a hard time with this. I feel depressed about it all.
Sorry that my posts have been so long. I have had a lot on my mind and talking to you helps me get it all out and your responses help me out a ton. It helps everything seem less overwhelming. If I don’t hear back from you today, enjoy your concert and have a good time tonight. :).
It sounds like you live in a nice place. It gets so hot here during the summer. What’s the hottest it gets where you live? I think I will go with our plan of contacting her next week. I like your idea of giving it a few days if she doesn’t answer then I will text her a few days later. I can almost guarantee she doesn’t pick up when I call. She’s more of the texting type or has been with me lately at least. I like that you said “be patient and take it one day at a time”. It has been hard to do that. I just look at it the big timeline and it’s overwhelming. I have wanted to reach out to her so bad yesterday and today. I know I can’t though. I think she might be off work today but probably has plans so it would be pointless to contact her. Through this whole ordeal, we have always met up on Fridays. The longer I go without no contact the better right? I just hope I am not holding on to something that isn’t there. I mean letting go doesn’t really seem easy either. I am just starting to feel stuck. I need to focus more on bettering myself. I just get to thinking and wonder if she has even thought about me lately. Or if she really is over it and I am hanging on to something that isn’t there. I have missed her lot the past days and wonder if she even misses me. It’s like all of her new friends have taken my place. Like you said in your other post, her friends are what she needs right now and she might not want me involved and you are right. Her recovery is really the important thing. Feeling like I just got kicked to the curb is the tough part. I just wonder if she is moving on as more time passes. In case I do need to start moving on, do you have any helpful tips to make it easier? After all of my bad luck lately with getting my car impounded and what not, I don’t want to spend a ton of money but maybe I need a weekend out to get my mind off stuff.
Your weekend sounds like it’s going to be a ton of fun. I am jealous! I love outdoor concerts. Who is playing?
Thanks, hopefully my day goes better today. I have had bad luck lately! You are right; my imagination goes crazy when I see her Facebook. It really is driving me crazy. We aren’t friends on there so I can’t comment on anything of hers. I can just see profile pictures she has posted or pictures I commented on before she unfriended me (some of the stuff I can see are pictures of us she hasn’t deleted). It just makes it tough to see that she is having a good time without me. Honestly I almost have to intentionally search for her page in order to see it. I just need to get some self-control (looking at her page isn’t helping me get over her). I like using my Facebook because it entertains me when I need a break from work. I need just need to focus on other things (easier said than done). I saw some girl I know mention me in a comment on a picture I was in on my ex’s page. I know I can’t reply to her.
I wish there was a magic way to tell how things will work out or not. Because it’s tough to keep up hope. I think you are right about breaking no contact next week. Would you recommend breaking no contact by calling her or texting her? I’m not sure which is the better method? If I call she could be busy and might not answer. But she would see I called and she may call me back or text me. Calling seems more personable. Texts are easier to blow off. Or she may just ask what I want and then once I tell her she might not reply or just say she doesn’t want to go. I actually have a bunch of her stuff I need to give back to her and I bought something in Mexico for her. I could just say “lets meet up for lunch and I have some stuff I to give to you”. Haha I am over thinking it. I think if we do meet for lunch, I need to ask about our trip then because it will be easier to get her to go. She can be indifferent in texts but it’s harder for her in person. I just need to keep my cool if we can’t meet up for lunch. If she says no to California perhaps I should just focus more on moving on and date other girls.
It was 90 degrees here yesterday! It was so hot. Does the breeze from the ocean keep the temperature in your city pretty consistent? I have one friend that lives in San Louis Obispo and our original plan was to possibly meet up with him and his girlfriend in San Diego. That fell through though because his girlfriend moved back to Utah. So now it would just be a vacation to spend time at the beach and maybe hit SeaWorld or something. How is your week going? Any fun plans for the weekend? Thanks for listening to my rant. 🙂
I am not going to lie; I want to break contact so bad right now. Now that I am not blocked on Facebook I saw a picture she has liked of a mutual friend. I noticed her profile picture changed so I clicked on her page. I saw a comment from some guy she dated before she knew me saying “sexy lady” and she was like “Thanks Travy!” Then I noticed that he has been reacting to pictures she has posted. I know I need to stop looking at her page because it’s driving me crazy and makes me feel like a stalker. Today has been really crappy because I have missed her a ton. Thirty days of no contact falls on the weekend before July 4th. So I don’t even know if that’s a good time to contact her since it’s a busy weekend. Should I break it before the thirty day mark like maybe next Wednesday? I am nervous to ask the week after the 4th because it’s pushing up against the vacation date of July 28th. I bet she would need at least two weeks of notice to take off work. I know I am over thinking things right now and am panicking (I literally just saw the Facebook minutes ago). I mean her unblocking me on Facebook probably meant nothing at all. She probably just wondered what I was commenting on peoples pictures (who truly knows why she unblocked me). Haha maybe my emotions aren’t as stable as I thought. Well after seeing what I did today makes me second guess them at least. Today has just been rough for some reason. I wonder if I even have a chance at this working out. 🙁
I hope we can make it to your beautiful state. We were planning on going to San Diego. I haven’t been there in like ten years. Are the beaches nice there? I guess the age of the counselor isn’t really a big deal now I think about it. I just kind of felt uncomfortable telling her stuff that has been going on for some reason. Maybe that will change the next time I see her though. I’ll give it one more shot with her and if doesn’t work I will find another counselor. How is your day going? It’s so hot here it’s crazy.
I always try to keep mine registered too. I have two cars and for some reason I thought both had current registration. I guess the renewal notice was sent to my parents. Defiantly an expensive mistake I will never make again. By “trying to convince her” I meant in trying to convince her to go to California. I know if we do go to lunch and I bring up the trip, she will say “it could go bad” or “I don’t want to give you mixed signals”. I know her too well and can already see it. So I was just saying I may just need to tell her that the trip won’t go bad, it will be fun, and we already have plane tickets booked so why not go. I guess what I meant is should I try and encourage her to go? It seems like last time we met for lunch and I brought up going a month ago, I had to tell her things would be fine in response to her concerns of the vacation going bad. Then she said “I will think about going”.
Good idea, I plan on asking her to lunch, but it’s possible she will be busy. So then I’ll ask when she is free to meet up another day. If she still says no, I will ask her about the California trip later on. I just don’t want to come off as desperate, push, or smothering.
Really, that’s awesome. I love California! What part of do you live in? I live in Salt Lake City. So we really aren’t that far apart. I really want to hit the beach out there so I hope the trip goes through. I don’t think her counselors would tell her not to go to lunch but they might advise against our vacation since they encourage them to be single for a year.
I noticed today that she unblocked me on Facebook because her name showed up and I clicked on her profile and it took me to her page. We aren’t friends or anything though. In some strange way I wonder if I made some kind of progress by keeping it cool on the phone yesterday. Maybe she wanted to see my vacation pictures or something. I just find it strange. So I met with a new counselor today as part of improving myself. It seemed kind of like I was meeting with my Grandma or something because she was kind of old. Maybe I need to find a new younger one. It was kind of strange explaining things to her.
It was parked in front of my apartment complex. The parking enforcement in the city I live in is horrible. After paying the citations for expired registration and the impound fee it was around $600. It literally took me all day to get my car back too. I am still mad about it all.
You are right; I need to let the wedding go. I need to work on letting things go. Thanks for reassuring me I handled the phone call with my ex well. I trust her with my bank account number because all she was doing was depositing money. I don’t think she would try and steal money from my account. I will totally take your advice on asking her to lunch and not beg her to go on the California trip. I just hope I can get her to go to lunch with me. I am scared to ask and have her say no and be at square one again. I want to call and ask her to go to lunch but maybe I am better off texting? I know I am going to have to try and convince her to go and that everything will be fine. Now that I am thinking about it, I am sure her counselors will tell her it’s a bad idea. Is it a bad idea to try and convince her? I mean just be flirty with her and say there is nothing to worry about etc? After a month or longer of not seeing her in person do you think she will be less likely to go? I know she will be worried about “mixed emotions” and what not.
She hasn’t called tonight and I know she isn’t going to. When we were talking before I started no contact again she would say she would call but never would or would text me instead. So I didn’t get my hopes up a ton this time. At least I know my number isn’t blocked though. I’ll let you know how it goes if she does call but don’t hold your breath. I feel emotionally stable enough where I can keep things light. All I need is a chance. Thanks again for your advice it helps a ton talking to you.
Patricia12, thanks for your last response. So I got back from Cancun last night. I was hoping spending time with friends would help ease the pain. In a sense it did because I was busy most of the time, but at the same time seeing all the couples there made me miss my ex even more. I kind of felt the same when I got home as when I left. Although, I did have a lot of fun in Cancun and met a lot of new people. So I have been pretty depressed since I have gotten back worrying my ex will have moved on. That thought scares been because I have seriously been counting down the days since I have talked to her (the vacation did help time go by faster). I am trying to improve myself but now I am adjusting back to normal life off of vacation. I made an appointment with a counselor and plan on trying to do a lot of self improvement. Even though my ex blocked me on Facebook I looked at her friend’s pages and realized that only made myself suffer more so I stopped.
So check this out, today I took off work to recover from my vacation since I got back late last night. Come to find out my car is missing today and it turns out it was towed. As I am talking to the towing agency my ex calls me. I couldn’t answer so after I hang up with towing agency I call her back. She answered and asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing good. She then told me she was at the bank and asked for my bank account number so she could deposit some money. I said I have to ask you a favor you will never guess what happened. I briefly told her about my car being towed (hers was towed awhile back and I helped her get it out and is part of the reason she owes me money). I then asked her for a ride to go get my car. She was like isn’t your roommate home and I told her no. She was depositing some money for her work and had to go back after and then had her rehab group at 5:00 PM so she just didn’t have the time. She didn’t sound angry or anything and said she would if she wasn’t busy. She then started talking to the bank tellar and was like I have to go but I’ll deposit some money in your accout. I said can you call me back later and she said yes. Who knows if she really will? Honestly I’m not sure why I even said that. She really called me at the worst time because I was upset that my car had been towed so I probably didn’t sound up beat. We only talked for like two minutes. Did I handle this well? I am pretty upset because after impound fees I owe $500 for my car so if she does call back, I know I shouldn’t talk to her while I am upset and should continue no contact.
Before today, this is the longest we have gone with no contact (15 days) since dating and I was going strong even though it was tough. I planned on going no contact for at least a month or two like you recommended. Did I mess up and lose the two weeks I already put in by our conversation earlier. Also, going on my vacation made me realize how much I want to take her to California. I still kind of want to pursue that trip. I thought that maybe after time passes (1 month) I could ask her like 3 weeks before the trip? Talking to her today gave me hope but I don’t want to set myself up for more pain. If I do ask her about the California trip, I planned on going to lunch with her first or something and then asking her. This is all so confusing. She didn’t act like anything was wrong on the phone today. Little does she know after the wedding 2 weeks ago I was crushed.
You have been so great in helping me level my thoughts. Reading your replies has stopped me from overthinking as much. I wish I would have talked to you sooner. I feel like I would be much better off in the situation I am in. You are 100% correct about Facebook. In a sense it’s better that she blocked me because through this whole ordeal it has made me jump to conclusions, act off emotions, and overall made it a lot harder to give her the space she wanted. Although, I have to admit, I am still kind of sad she blocked me.
I am pretty sure she is only hanging out with rehab friends that are also in recovery. I know they stay pretty busy and active. It seems like they are kind of like a little family from all of the pictures they use to post and from what she would tell me. I guess I am just worried that she is going to move on during this process or forget about me. I have pretty much given up on the California trip and find it highly unlikely she would even want to go especially after not talking for such a long time. If we did go, as of now it would be hard to keep the conversation light. I still have a tiny bit of hope as time passes that maybe she will reach out and want to go but there is no point in getting my hopes up.
I know you are right about sticking to no contact for a few months. Honestly the last few days have been pretty tough. Hopefully it gets easier with time. Today I have missed her quite a bit. It is tough knowing you can’t talk to one of your best friends for a long time. It makes me wonder how it is so easy for her? I know her recovery is her main focus and it should be but do you think it would be possible for her to move on so quickly? Maybe so if she is only focused on the bad. I’ve been trying to stay active by hanging out with friends and it makes it a little easier. I imagine since she is always surrounded by rehab friends it’s probably the same for her. Hopefully my Cancun trip will get my mind off things. Often I catch myself thinking that the situation is hopeless. She has been at her sober living for two months and I imagine she will stay for a few more because she loves it there. Perhaps things will change between us when she gets out.
I was thinking about it and I doubted she would reach out to me during the no contact period. Then I remembered that I lent her money and she plans on starting to pay me back next month. I think she will get a hold of me when she deposits money into my account (probably through text). I plan on keeping my reply short and light. Should I keep the conversation going if she pursues one? Should I ask how she is doing? Or just say thanks and end the conversation?
One more quick question, at the wedding she was the one that brought up bad things from the past. I just said it’s in the past and things are different now (before I lost my cool). What’s a good way to address things if she brings them up from the past? Last time she didn’t think things could change in a short amount of time (2 weeks) and was focused on negative things. Hopefully the long no contact period will change that. Thanks again for the advice. This is all confusing, and sad. It’s like I’m trying to move on and hold on at the same time. I leave on my trip tomorrow so if it takes me awhile to respond that’s why. I’ll let you know how it goes :).
Thanks for the response and great advice patricia12. It helped me a lot hearing what you had to say. I apologize for the bad grammar, typos, and punctuation in my initial post. I should have proof read what I wrote before posting it. I think you are totally right about respecting her wishes and leaving her alone. It has been hard to do the past few weeks but I know I have to do it this time. How long would you suggest going with no contact? Should I go thirty days or even longer? Or maybe even let her reach out to me first? I haven’t been in contact with her since the night of the wedding but got on Facebook and realized that she blocked my account two days after the wedding. I mean she already unfriended me the night of the wedding so I don’t know why she would block me a few days later out of nowhere. My only conclusion is she doesn’t want to see me tagged in posts of our mutual friends.
At first I was worried that maybe she didn’t want people tagging her in pictures of us from the wedding because she didn’t want a guy seeing them on her wall or something. Then I realized I was being paranoid and if she was seeing somebody there would be nothing I could do. I hope that isn’t the case though. A few weeks ago she said she isn’t talking to any guys, doesn’t plan to anytime soon, and is enjoying being single. I hope that doesn’t change.
Either way, realizing she blocked me was painful and made me feel like there is no hope in getting back together. I am assuming in the future after time passes if I do contact her first, email or text would be my only available methods. After I get back from Cancun I won’t contact her either. If I do no contact for a while, do you think I should ask her about our California trip when we start talking? I will also start looking into other options like a refund, friends that could maybe go in her place, or not going at all. It is hard not to beat myself up for all of the mistakes I made the night of the wedding but need to forgive myself and quit living in the past. Hanging on has been really painful. I hope over time she starts remembering the good things from our relationship. I know I need to respect that she is trying to get her life back together and focusing on herself. I just wish I could be included in the process like everybody else. That makes it really hard. I just need to get back to focusing on myself, growing, and making positive changes. I just hope my smothering didn’t push her to far away. I don’t get how she could go so cold after 3 years and everything I have gone through with her. It’s not like she didn’t make mistakes in the past either. Thanks again for your response. It’s nice getting someone else’s opinion.
