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You do make a good point about the dragging it out. I guess I didn’t really think of it asking about the vacation twice but not that you mention it I see that. She never responded which is no suprise. In all reality I would hate to drag this out. Are you saying it’s a bad idea to reply if she starts conversation? I am kind of wishing I didn’t reply aftee getting nothing in response. I did do no contact and made it 27 days I believe. I broke it early to ask about the vacation. You sre spot on about the suffering. Getting no response sucks and feels like I start over from the beginning each time.
This is what I ended up saying 3 hours later after a nap lol.
“People make mistakes. Leave the past behind and take advantage of a nice vacation on the beach.” I tried to get straight to th point. Maybe I should have left the mistake part out and just said “don’t let the past hold you back from a nice vacation on the beach”. Oh well though. Think what I said is fine?
Once again, thank you for all of your help through all of this. You will never know how much I truly appreciate it. You give great advice! I know with time this will all get easier. I am actually kind of excited to go float the river with that other girl this weekend just to help take my mind off of things. Plus she is really attractive :).
So I never responded to my ex’s last text because I figured what’s the point of even texting back if all she said was “no thank you”. Hours later, she just text me again “I think you should go anyways. You’ve never had a problem going on vacation without me before”. I don’t even know what to respond to that. Right when I figure I’ll never talk to her again she messages me. Obviously she is upset still. It’s true though, in the past I have gone on vacations without her. Usually just with a bunch of friends. The trip in particular that I am sure she is angry over was a trip to Vegas that the girl I mentioned before in a previous message went on (a bit over a year ago). I literally saw her like for two hours the entire trip. While she was in rehab I went to Denver with some friends but she couldn’t go for obvious reasons. She was invited though and I would have paid. Oh well it’s in the past so I don’t know why she is dwelling on it (coming from me that means a lot haha).I want to reply with something nice like, “People make mistakes so let’s leave past things behind us and take advantage of a nice trip on the beach if you are up for it?” Does that sound good? Really I am just trying not to fight, argue, or cause any kind of distress, along without sounding needy or clingy. Plus, if it’s not going anywhere with her why waste the time or energy? (Easier said than done but I am learning). I know I have to start somewhere but I trying to move forward. I I guess it wouldn’t hurt to talk if she starts conversation? I just want to get back to my old self and be care free and happy. I know the changes I have made are leading towards that.
True, why bring up returning her stuff if she already knows I have it. Who knows what she wants me to do with it? I guess I will hang on to it for a while (a few months) and throw it away if I don’t hear anything from her. I don’t see her contacting me about it since she doesn’t know exactly what I have of hers. I decided that I would just send a text about the trip because my phone number is most likely blocked from calling. She has been pretty immature about this. I sent the text we talked about this morning and although much time hasn’t passed, I am pretty sure I won’t get a response.
“Hey XXXX, would you like to use our tickets and go on the San Diego trip as friends? They are booked for the 28th”. I added the date in case she didn’t know when the trip was.As you said, “the ball is in her court”. As much as I want to text her additional stuff, I won’t because I don’t want to come off looking stupid, jealous, or foolish. Especially since the topic I want to text about deals with her going swimming amongst other things (better to just let that stuff go). So I guess that is it, I will never contact her again. She still owes me money and I wish she could have just paid it all back in full so we could have a clean break and have no reason for contact. When and if she ever does call about the money she borrowed, I will just keep it cool and short.
I am trying not to obsess over things and I think I am getting better about it. While golfing with my friend yesterday, I realized that it was one of the first times in a long time that I had not thought of her. It was kind of peaceful in a sense. A few things still upset me, like spending a combined $500 on her at Victoria Secret and another store not even a month before we broke up. It’s like, why let me spend money on you trying to make you happy and then break up with me. I need to see the positive in the situation and look at as it being a lot cheaper than a divorce haha. Hopefully I am not hung up on her much longer. I still miss her and the good times but that will fade. Over three years of dating is a long time and I am still pretty confused and upset how it all happened, but hopefully with time everything gets back to normal. I need to stop beating myself up because in all reality her drug use ruined the relationship and all I did was try to support her. I got to experience the crappy version of her for quite a while during our relationship.
How did your 4th of July end up going? Were you able to spend it with friends or family? Thanks, hopefully my bad luck streak is over. I am just trying to remain positive about everything I can. Spending time with family and friends over the weekend helped keep my mind busy but it was still kind of tough. A girl that went to Cancun with us came to a barbecue with me and that was pretty fun.
I don’t know how religious I am but am defiantly spiritual and have asked for help with everything. Felling depressed/anxiety comes and goes in swings it seems like. I assume it is all part of heartache. I think for me it’s getting the cold shoulder that’s the hard part and the fact that I may have pushed it there and can’t talk to her. What’s done is done though. Just have to get back on improving myself. Honestly I was good to her and I can’t forget that.
Ok, so today is the 5th and I am actually kind of scared to message her about the trip. I am nervous I won’t get a text back at all. After reading your other message, and reviewing my texts, I totally came off as clingy last time and was trying to sell myself. It sounded like I had not missed a beat in being emotional and trying to get her back. I don’t want to sound like that this time. I think part of it is to blame on the fact it happened at 3 AM while I was on sleeping pills, either way I came off as needy and there is no changing that. I need to keep all contact cool and smooth from here on out (assuming there is any).
So today I want to come across as very light and not play at all into my emotions. I think she has a rehab meeting called aftercare where she goes back to her traditional rehab tonight so it’s possible she may be busy but either way she will get to look at her phone at some point. I am considering just texting her tomorrow instead. I went golfing with a friend and its 10:00 PM my time so it’s probably just better to text her tomorrow at this point. I don’t want to get a late night response again. Do you think it might be better to try and call her first before texting?
Ok, I can’t lie; thinking about her going swimming with those two guys last week makes me think of a double date even if it was “just as friends”. Probably not worth stressing over I know. I’m going to float a river this weekend and I invited a girl I went on a date with long ago. I mean people just meet, become friends, and then end up dating that’s how it starts. I guess at least I am also putting myself out there too. I am hanging out with attractive girls and can’t figure out why I am so stuck on my ex? The girl I took to the bbq my friends stated she was hot and way cooler than my ex. Maybe time heals all wounds.
So I fully intend on asking about the flight tomorrow. Do you think I should mention returning her things too? I plan on just saying “Hey, XXX, would you like to use our tickets and go on the San Diego trip as friends? The tough part is going to be responding to her with whatever she replies with which will probably be “no!”
Thanks, luckily I didn’t get hurt and our motorcycles weren’t stolen. Gotta see the positive in the situation and count the blessings. I won’t mention the money aspect of the trip. I feel like I have been grasping at anything I could think of to say to get her to go. In the end, I know that isn’t attractive and wouldn’t entice her to go. I am glad I havent said any of it. I don’t want to put more pressure on her in life and I truly want her to suceeed. I feel like I have been really obsessing about the situation. Like reliving the past over and over again and thinking “I should have said this,or done that” and over all that is just torturing myself. Honnestly, I have been doing a ltitle research online and I think I have been really depressed about the whole situation and not knowing what will happen has given me major anxiety. Her blowing me off and ignoring me definitely has had a negative impact on me. That plus all the negative things that have happened lately have just all added up. Its been a roller coaster because I have my good days and bad. I have just had a big void in my life it seems. No need to say sorry, you just said it how it is. I need to let the past go especially the wedding. I feel like I am 90% over the wedding. I guess I have just felt like the wedding was one of the major downturns in process of getting back together so that has been a focus point for me. Just an fyi, her saying “apply what you learned from this relstionship to next” was also said there. As far as her dating somebody else or doing stuff with them I feel like most guys worry about that with their ex. At least if their ex broke up with them. In all reality I have to be realistic and accept that I have no control over that so there is no sense in worrying about it. She hasn’t replied to my text from the other day. From the sounds of it, based on my friend, she went swimming with friends (her, a girl, and two guys) later in the day when I sent my text. She could have replied later but chose not to because you know she got it. Suprisingly I am not freaking out right now and I just found out. Perhaps that means I am starting to accept everything. Trust me, I won’t say I am just showing up at her house. I was just in panic mode and I know that is pathetic. Saying or doing that makes me sound like a stalker or something. I’m really not that crazy. In the end I miss her a ton and it’s hard to understand why she has been treating me this way. Perhaps I’ll never know and that sucks but I guess it’s life. As far as meeting in person. I just thought we have always done better in person vs text and I would have a better chance. But it’s clear she doesn’t want that for her own reasons. Throughout all of this small things have given me hope and I have hung on. To think she will go to California with me when I can’t even get her to go to lunch is unlikely and a long shot. Don’t you think so? I will still try but I don’t have my hopes up. Sure I have made mistakes, but I am a good guy and I don’t think I deserve the cold shoulder. Do you think it would be bad to ask about the trip before the 5th? Like maybe tomorrow on the 4th or I guess could on a later date? All of this depression and stress has had a negative impact on me being productive at work. It’s part of depression. I sit in my office and don’t feel like doing much. I’m just trying to avoid that. Also, do you know of any way to stop the mind from wondering and questioning things? Even right now I wonder if she deleted our Facebook photos together. That is the stupidest thing to even worry about. I hate wondering why she went cold or whatever or dwelling on past mistakes. In the end she doesn’t want me in her life right now and that’s it. Maybe someday and as time passes that will change. As of right now she thinks I impact her life negatively which still makes no sense becsuse I’ve never done drugs, am educated, have a good job, and will help her any way I can. It all makes no sense but it’s whatever I guess. I hope you are enjoying your 4th of July weekend. You will have to let me know how it went and if you went to any parades or anything.
Oops for some reason my phone didn’t load your response so I didn’t get a chance to reply to you before I made my last post. Today has been a bit easier but I still miss her. I have been so busy today I think my mind wasn’t as focused on her today. Somebody tried to steal my motorcycle last night and stole my roommates but ended up ditching it. Luckily I went for a ride on my bike to run some errands and noticed that his was hidden on a different floor of our parking garage. I imagine they were going to come back for it tonight. We are both going to file insurance claims to have damages fixed (they really damaged his; my damage was just a few tiny scratches). It’s scary though because when I rode my bike earlier I was riding wheelies and I didn’t notice they took a bolt off the handle bars. I seriously could have died.
I like your approach to contacting her on the 5th. I’ll try and be softer towards her. I wanted to include that the trip is paid for because it kind of adds a little pressure for her to go. Maybe I could just do that in response to me initial asking about it? Assuming that she even responds to me asking her that we go on the trip as friends. When we went to lunch a little over a month ago, she was kind of concerned that the trip was already paid for (only the plane tickets but maybe she thought the was hotel too) and that her ticket couldn’t be changed to somebody else’s name if she didn’t go (we used some vouchers for our tickets that I had received from a previous trip so we only had to pay taxes and fees for these tickets so they were essentially free). So I mean it’s not a huge loss if we don’t go but if she wasn’t going to go on the trip I would have used the voucher on somebody else. Do you think it’s a bad idea to bring up the trip is paid for if she replies saying she isn’t going?
Nothing too extreme happened in the past. I mean we did argue and have small altercations (no hitting or anything) but nothing too serious or anything that is even recent. I think that combined with a Facebook post I made once (as a result of her drug use) have her upset. I hope all of the negativity fades with time but it seems like her feelings for me are too. I try not to dwell on the past but with this situation it’s really hard for me. It only causes pain and anxiety so it’s horrible. I am trying to work on this. I guess I just question things a lot. Like I wonder if I would have handled texting her the other night differently if she wouldn’t think of me as clingy.
That’s true, if somebody did argue on my behalf it would make me look even more clingy and smothering. I guess in my mind, she has all of these people at her sober living that have negative things to say about me and they have never met me. So it would be nice to have someone bring up the good things about me. When she was in full fledged rehab her counselor and I met and she really liked me, so I wish that were still the case.
I defiantly will try and apply the improvements I have made and will continue to make them improve this relationship or my next one. Sadly, at that stupid wedding my ex kind of said the same thing. “I hope you apply what your learned in this relationship to your next one”. The memories and negative feelings from the wedding are fading and I feel like I am letting them go or at least starting to.
So it is almost 8:00PM my time and I haven’t got a response to my text that I sent earlier around 4:00 PM. What I sent her is in the post I made before this one. It seems pretty light and I did ask her to go to the baseball game. I can’t help but think that she is interested in somebody else. I don’t know if that is the case or not, but it seems like that would be the only thing to draw her completely away from me. I think in the past when I wasn’t the best to her other girls were flirting with me. I never acted on it or anything but I imagine it’s easier to leave somebody for someone new when you don’t have any problems with the new person. I could be over thinking but who knows.
I just hope someday I can see her in person. I don’t think she would blow me off and I know that’s why she is avoiding me. I hope she replies to my text but don’t think she will. Hopefully she replies on the 5th or the following days. If not I will probably have to let time take its toll and try and move on or at least see what happens. Ok, so if she doesn’t reply on the 5th or in the following days. Would it be crazy of me to say I’ll be at your house at 6:00 I’ll see you there. I mean if she didn’t respond I really wouldn’t go.
In the past she had just showed up at my apartment a time or two when we weren’t getting along. Ugh I know I can’t do that but it just makes me think she would have to talk to me in person that way. I guess I’ll just see what time does. I hope your day has gone well and you have a great weekend . Thanks for hearing me out again. I swear I am getting less crazy believe it or not haha.
This is what I said to her. I sent it about 3:40 my time so kind of late in the day. “Let me know when you’ll be home so I can bring your stuff over. There is a Bees game and fireworks this weekend. Want to go?”
I haven’t got a response yet :/
Your replies address so many of my crazy emotions and thoughts and help level me out. Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. I seriously wondered if I was going crazy or was having a mental break down or something lol (mainly I was just over thinking a ton). The thought of my ex having sex or anything with someone else is sickening and painful. I hope that never happens. I am afraid she is into somebody else and that’s why she is cold with me. Who knows though? Today I feel a little better overall. I think I just needed to get some sleep and I was able to go to dinner with a good friend so that helped a little. I am scared to message her today. I know she doesn’t want to see me in person because it brings up emotions and is hard for her. I think I remember her saying that in the past. But I feel like that is also why it’s important for me to see her.
They are having a baseball game for the next three nights with fireworks (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) in celebration of the 4th of July. It might be kind of short notice if I ask her to go to tonight’s game but I feel like it’s more likely she will be free tonight. Then again I have been wrong about everything so who knows. I am kind of stumped on how to ask about taking her stuff back and going to the game. Is this good for example: “Let me know when you’ll be home so I can bring your stuff over. There is a Bees game with fireworks the next three nights. Are you interested in going?” Or should I just leave the game out or maybe be more specific and ask about going tonight/tomorrow instead of leaving it open that any of the nights work? (I just don’t know her schedule. It’s unlikely she will go) Maybe it’s just coming off as I am trying too hard? Either way, I am sure she knows her stuff and the game are excuses to see her. I’m not sure if that matters or not though. I really just don’t want to come off as clingy. She already thinks I am. Would it be bad to mention going to the game as friends or should I just leave that for our California trip?
It’s still hard for me not to be desperate and throw anything I can at her (at least recently). For example my nieces and Nephew are in town again (which she loves) and I want to ask if she wants to see them and go to a local amusement park (which she has a season pass to). I shouldn’t because last time I asked if she wanted to see them she asked what I was trying to do and it hurt her heart that she couldn’t see them and to please stop. We joked about it at the stupid wedding the next day that I was throwing everything I had at her.
So if I don’t hear from her by the 5th of July I will ask her about going on the trip as friends. I will say something like: “Hey, we still have that San Diego trip booked that’s already paid for on the 28th. Would you be interested in going as friends? I know we both could use a vacation”. I want to even say we could sleep in different beds but I’m not sure if I should go there. How does that all sound?
As far as her stuff is concerned I don’t mind hanging onto it for awhile and it’s not a huge deal to me if she gets it back or not. I don’t think I would be able to take it to her sober living unless I stashed it somewhere outside. So essentially sober livings are just houses where girls in recovery live. It’s not what you would think of as your standard rehab so they don’t have receptionists or anything. Patients go to sober living after they leave a conventional rehab. For example, her sober living has around six girls living there and they assign two girls to a room. They have to attend meetings, take weekly drug tests, have curfews (which are pretty late), and are required to meet with counselors. They don’t allow men in the house so I have never actually been inside. Ugh, now I think about it, the night of that wedding she slept over at her best friend’s house and her counselor had to meet with her friend and approve it. Who knows if they would approve her going on a vacation with me? I know early on they were ok with it but who knows about now. Overall she has the final say if she goes or not.
You mentioned that you don’t think I have pushed her further away because she is already far away. I’ve been thinking and trying to figure out how she has separated herself from me so much. She use to be the crazy one. I just feel like my smothering couldn’t have done all of this by itself. I mean I know she is mad about things in the past and I wasn’t the best boyfriend like a year ago. But honestly I was so good and supportive through this whole ordeal. Even before all this I had changed and was good to her. I just don’t get it. I have to remember that she wasn’t always the best either and did mess up things too. Maybe I am seeing the past with rose colored glasses? I have let all the negative things from the past go and just want to have fun and focus on the future. I know a few things in particular that she is mad abut but they all happened 1-2 years ago. So you think she would be over them?
Thanks for reassuring me that contacting her grandma and best friend would be horrible ideas. I felt like the odds were against me for that turning out positive. I just feel like nobody is arguing on my behalf . I defiantly don’t want to come off as desperate even though I really am. When I spoke to her friend last time, I mentioned going out to eat like we had planned while my ex was in rehab (this was over a month ago). We talked about a few other things but my ex told me her friend took a screen shot of the conversation and sent it to my ex (I think her friend is trying to replace me in a sense). My ex text me out of nowhere and I think she was a little jealous. I went to lunch with my ex after all this and we talked about it.
As much as I want to tell my ex how I feel and have changed you are right about not doing so. I just get so panicked and for some reason I think letting her know how I feel about everything will make things better. I know it won’t though. I have done that already and it only worked once. Every time I did it after that it was just smothering and I got no response. In a sense, I almost feel like she likes having this power over me. Like she enjoys knowing she is control. It’s easier to be on her side of this than mine.
Thanks for reminding me to breathe and take this one day at a time, and one minute at a time. With all of this pain, anxiety, and questioning everything, it has been hard to stay calm and remember that. If I could just talk to her it would be a lot easier. Getting the silent treatment is hard for me. I wish I wouldn’t have messed up the last time we started talking. If I see her in person, I know I won’t bring up the relationship and will keep it all positive.
Today has literally been horrible. She is all I have thought about. I know I am grasping at everything I can. I have a few quick questions though. There is a minor league baseball team that plays here. When I text her tomorrow about taking her stuff back would it be a horrible idea to ask her to go to the game and watch fireworks. I’m sure she would say no. Is it worth a shot?
Also, is it a bad idea to say something like “I’ve realized that I would rather have you in my life as just a friend than not at all”. If my text go well tomorrow mention that we could do California just as friends too? Maybe that’s not as scary for her? Realistically I have no intention of being just friends but it would be a means to just take it slow. Or should I just stick to the “when can I bring your things over?” I know she has wanted to go to a game because we use to talk about it. When we went to dinner the first time after breaking up we almost went to a game but it rained.
Sorry for the 50 questions. My mind has been racing today, I am stressed, and have major anxiety.
I didn’t read my text until the morning and I totally agree that I tried to sell myself. I guess I was just trying to let her know I have made changes. I was partially half asleep and loopy so it’s hard to say exactly why I wrote such long messages. I know part of it is that I just liked talking to her. Reading messages from the past two days it’s clear she doesn’t want to meet up. I don’t get why though? Do you think my messages from last night pushed her away further? Is it even possible to come back from being clingy? I thought no contact might do that but it doesn’t seem like it worked. Honestly, I don’t even want to talk about our relationship if we ever meet up in person. I just want it to be fun and easy going even though my texts portrayed something totally different. The part that sucks me in is that fact that she won’t talk to me on the phone or in person and it drives me crazy.
The question that I wanted to ask her in person was about the trip. My counselor agreed that it’s easier to blow things off in texts and asking in person would be better. Then again, I think my counselor is also encouraging me to move on, although she hasn’t directly said it. I was afraid to tell her what I wanted to ask her in person because I knew she would just say “I am not going”. I should have just replied to her this morning instead of last night but I can’t change that. At first I didn’t even want to mention that I had stuff to talk about because it could stray away from a light conversation. She is the one that brought that topic up though.
When I was referring to her “home” I meant her sober living/rehab. I am going to use your exact words tomorrow when I text her about taking her stuff to her. Do you think it will come off as clingy if I text her tomorrow? I am a little worried about that. When you said “give it some time or a few days” did you mean give it a few days to text her or still do it tomorrow? Realistically the trip is on the 28th of July so I could wait until July 5th to text her. I just don’t work Fridays and it seems like tomorrow would be easier on my end. I highly doubt she will even go which upsets me because I could have taken somebody else.
It seems like she wasn’t interested in getting her stuff back. The first day she kept asking what it was, and then when I mentioned throwing it away she said to do so because it’s material stuff, then when I said I wouldn’t she said thanks. So it’s like what does she want me to do with her stuff. I’m sure she knows it’s just an excuse to see her.
I don’t even know if I should try and reach out about the trip through texts if I know the answer will be no. Maybe it will get here thinking about it though. I was reading through some texts to see exactly when we broke up. It looks like it was April 20th. We still talked a bunch after that and she would say nice things and send pictures. One thing she did say is if god wants us to be together we will be and some other things. So now I am wondering how it all came to this and she is so cold. I mean I did smother her but I feel like she is acting like I cheated on her something by the way she is treating me.
At this point I feel like I am resorting back to all the things I shouldn’t do ( I will be strong and wont). I feel like I want to explain my case to her. I want to make a Facebook post about helping someone out when they are at a low point and then once they are doing well they leave (something to that extent). I wouldn’t do that because I don’t want to air my laundry online and I am supposed to hang out with this girl I invited to go float a river with some friends. I know that will all push her away though. From past texts it look liked she replied when I smothered her at times.
You are right; she could contact me sooner than later, in a long time or never. I feel like she never will since she has been so cold towards me. But she will pay back the money she borrowed so there has to be some contact.Ok this is probably a horrible idea and I am sure you will confirm that. Her Grandma loves me and all through my ex’s hard times she called me a lot thanking me for helping her out. Her grandma is more of a mom to her than her actual mom. I know she asked about me a lot at first when I wasn’t around. Would it be crazy for me to call her grandma and ask for her opinion on everything? I would ask her not to mention it to my ex. I think her grandma would at least talk some sense to my ex and tell her to at talk to me. Crazy idea right?
I thought about talking to her best friend (which is also my friend) and talk to her about things. I know she would probably tell her though so I can’t do that plus last time we talked she told my ex and we didn’t even talk about her. I guess I just feel hopeless and panicked and am grasping at straws.
I am going to stick to the plan about texting to return her stuff. Part of me just wants to say “When will you be off tomorrow? I will be at your house at 4 to give you your stuff” and then just leave it at that. I’ve been doing almost everything right lately so I don’t know why it’s going so bad. I just don’t want to come off as crazy. I know it wouldn’t be like this if she wasn’t surrounded by girls in her sober living. But if she wasn’t she could be dead so I have to look at it like that.
I considered leaving out the souvenir part but I thought she might wonder what it was and it could entice her to go. Ugh, she ended up messaging me back at 12:30 Am. My friend said she was in a meeting because they posted pictures.
Even though I took a sleeping pill somehow the vibration of my phone woke me up. We text back and forth for a while and it didn’t go good. I am so lost and realize there is no chance not reconciling. I thought for sure this time she would want to meet for lunch. All of the heartbreak is back. Below is our text conversation. I didn’t keep it as light as I would have liked but was grasping at draws and half awake.At 8:09 I text her: Hey, so can you meet for lunch/dinner tomorrow or Friday so I can give you your stuff back? I also got you a souvenir.
At 12:14 Am she replied: No “my name”, I’m sorry.
Me: What would you like me to do with your stuff? Throw it away?
Her: It’s just material things so sure. Thank you.
Me: No sense in throwing it away. You will want some of the stuff.
Her: Alright. Thank you!
Me: What?
Her: Alright don’t throw the stuff away.
Me: You have nothing to worry about seeing me in person. Are you sure we can’t meet up for a quick bite. I’ve made lots of changes. I do need to talk to you in person though, It’s not about us or anything related.
Her: No.
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Not what I wanted to ask in person.
Her: what?
Her: I’ll be putting money in your account until it’s paid off. I owe you $500 more. Once it’s paid off I’ll let you know.
Me: You do know I want the best for you right? I’ve been working a lot on myself in so many ways and I want to tell you. But how come you don’t want to be around me in person. I don’t get that I guess.
Her: So far I’ve put 100. I’m trying my hardest with finances.
Me: I’m not trying to bring you down, get together or anything like that. I just wanted to chat and ask you something in person. You are still a great friend to me. I hate texting.
Me: I appreciate you paying me back by the way.
Me: So what would you like me to do with your stuff?
Her: What do you need to ask me in person?
Me: My counselor even thinks it should be asked in person ( kind of true) . I need that boundary (rehab term she use to use quite a bit). It’s nothing negative. I’m only positive and past mishaps are behind me.
Me: I am not codependent on you either. That has been established. You are doing great and I am happy for you. Life moves forward. Are you sure we can’t meet for a quick bite? I’ll give you your stuff. If you don’t want to I respect that.After that last message she never replied. I don’t think I would have said so much if I hadn’t taken a sleeping pill hours before. I probably blew it. Reading that now I sound clingy or desperate. What do you think? I just don’t get it all. I mean technically I haven’t done anything wrong in the past months besides be smothering months ago. I don’t think that warrants not even wanting to meet in person. I probably played it wrong. It’s probably all hopeless now. I doubt she would go to California but I feel like if I can see her in person it might calm her nerves and I might make some leeway. I am clueless on what to do from here. Giving up might be the only thing. I thought about messaging her tomorrow and being like when will you be home. I’m bringing your stuff over. Probably a bad idea though. 🙁
How aggrivating. I text her a few hours ago and still haven’t got a response. All I said was ” Hey, so can you meet for lunch/dinner tomorrow or Friday so I can give you your stuff back? I also got you a souvenir”. I looked throug h my texts and saw she had a meeting on a Wednesday weeks ago that went late. Realistically though I’m sure she has touched her phone in the last few hours.
I feel like last time we went to lunch together it was pretty similar situation. Like she was kind of short with the texts and then when we actually met in person it went well. I think she forgot that I even had some of here stuff still. I didn’t even know how much I had until I started packing for Cancun. I defiantly won’t joke around anymore with her (at least not through texts). I wanted to end the conversation last night a lot earlier once she kept asking about her stuff and ignoring my question about dinner.
I agree, when and if I see her that would be the best time to ask about California. Based on her texts, I know she would say no if I asked through texts. I just know her to well. It’s hard for her to be cold in person so that’s why she is avoiding talking on the phone or meeting in person and only texts. I didn’t really think of the short notice aspect. I have a meeting tonight from 6-7 so I would rule meeting up today out (unless it was after that. Plus I think she has a meeting tonight). Do you think I should text her today and ask if she could meet for dinner tomorrow or Friday even though she didn’t reply to my last texts? Or should I wait a day and just ask to go Friday? I don’t really want to make it look like I am smothering her or am needy still. I am just really tired of doing everything through texts. I am hoping she will message me back today but I can almost guarantee she won’t. I don’t know why she is so bitter towards me. It is really tough. I appreciate your perspective and advice so much. If can meet her in person I think it will all work out. I feel like I am starting to give up hope.
