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No worries, even if it’s harsh it needs to be said. I don’t want to be smothering. It’s just being in a position where there is nothing I can do besides sit back see what happens. I guess the fear about her just forgetting about me if don’t do anything gets me. The whole concept of the letter was to say sorry for how I acted during the relationship and didn’t treat her great and also for blowing her up and that I have came over past issues with the help of therapy. Through self growth and time I am a better man and realize what I want in life ect. And also how I want to be positive with each other. I mean after writing that it sounds like you said “I am trying to sell myself”. Really I just wanted to make her curious about me. I thought about sending it in the near future but that’s probably not a good idea. You are right though, she doesn’t want to be bothered. If she wanted to talk to me she would. I guess I just don’t get it :(. How long no contact should I go? Forever? I heard my friend commented on her stuff and said they should get coffee so I was like what the hell. So I looked at her facebook on a friends page and it looks like she has just been hanging out with her rehab girls. It made me mad about my good friend asking her to coffee so asked him about it. The comment on the post seemed flirty. He said it was just as friends or whatever but agreed it sounded sketchy to hangout with a friends ex. It just upset me.
That’s too bad that not a lot reconcile :(. It’s also unfortunate that people just stop posting and you don’t know what ends up happening. I assume you get to hear a lot about people’s moving on process. Yeah, no contact again is my only hope and it literally sucks. So I read some of the five steps again and have been looking and the internet and keep reading about a letter. If I sent one to her sober living that’s still smothering right? I never handwrite letters and she knows that.
I have a random question for you. I noticed you have commented on a lot of people’s posts so I am sure you have seen a lot of lot of people reconcile and a lot of people that haven’t. Based on my situation, do and from what you have seen, do you think there is a chance things could work out? I know I need to keep working on moving forward. A few post ago you asked if I was ever going to try no contact? Do you think that could help me at all? I mean at this point the only thing I am left with is no contact and moving on. I saw a picture of my ex last night and it caused a lot of heartache. Its strang my old ex wants me back too and she pretty much has said she missed me. I enjoy talking to her and she definitely has her life together probably even more so than I do. Unfortunately my heart is still somewhere else. In a sense I understand what rebounding is now. Isnide I am a wreck even though I’m trying to get it together. Like we said, some days are easier than others.
Thanks :). I’ll definitely try to. This time heals all thing is taking too long! I hope your day went well. I think my old ex from years ago wants me back. This has been the toughest/confusing summer of my life!
Sorry for the delayed response. For some reason I am not getting emails letting me know you have replied. The river was a lot of fun. The water was freezing but it was nice getting together with friends. How was your weekend? I ran into my ex from 10 years ago while bar hoping. It was the strangest night.
I’ll do that. I wasn’t saying I was going to try and hangout with her again. I know she doesn’t want to see me.
My problem is that I have held on to hope and I guess that is part of not accepting the reality. You are going to be upset and think it’s pathetic. Well, essentially I was stressing about the California trip and thought maybe it would be worth a shot to see if she wanted to reconsider going as friends, and if she didn’t if we could try and change the ticket to somebody else’s name. I didn’t think it would do any harm. So I called and left a voice message asking that. I also said I was proud of her still, and at the end of the message (this is where I really screwed up) I said, I’ll be stopping by at four tomorrow to drop of your things and try and change the ticket to somebody else if you don’t want to go. (Smothering I know). I just figured if she doesn’t want to go she doesn’t want to go but no sense in not trying to switch the ticket to somebody else. Her response was really angry and said she cant have men at her house! To stop calling! And if I went against her wishes she would be forced to tell her staff at her sober living. Thank you! Oh and she wasn’t going to California. I think my response to that wasn’t horrible. This is what I said, “Gosh, I am trying to be nice, no need to be a jerk. Can we try and switch the ticket to somebody else.” “Also, I am trying to be your friend and civil. I don’t have anything against you. But obviously you don’t want to be friends and are being a jerk. So we aren’t friends and I would like my $500 tomorrow to cut all ties.” I just figured no sense in leaving the money hanging over my head and better to end it and cut ties. I know I shouldn’t have mentioned stopping at the house. I just figured it would get a response. I haven’t heard back from her. Part of me wants to follow up and saying something like “I didn’t see you transfer me the money yesterday. I am assuming you don’t have the entire $500. I don’t want to put pressure on you and want to keep things positive. Even though you have been rude lately,I still care about you and I am ok with you repaying me back when you can. Take care of yourself and get your tooth fixed (part of a filling she had fell out). I am going to take some time for myself and give myself some space. Sorry for pushing things so far. This has been hard on me. Best wishes.” In your opinion, would that be bad to send? I need to accept the situation and get some closure and work on myself. Honnestly I miss her, but know things aren’t the same so I need to look at the things I do have like good friends. I just want to get back to being myself. I know you sre going to be upset with me. I’ve impulse acted a ton. I actuslly wrote her a response to her message that was more harsh but got control of yourself and don’t impulse act when you are angry.
Patricia12, did you give up on me? You were right, I really have lost all self respect for myself. Even when I thought I gave up I didn’t. Why am I having trouble getting over this? I feel like I have been desperate and all interaction with my ex has been negative. I know I have messed up and even did a few stupid things the other day. I never use to be like this. Getting the silent treatment has broken me down so much.
This time was different simply for the fact that I didn’t care what happened and that is a good thing that I didn’t. All of the other time I was crawling back to her or trying really hard to get things to workout. Honnestly you are right, it is toxic and I need to distance myself from her. Even though I use to kind of be a jerk, I have never put so much into a relationship and tried to help someone out with their problems. After all of that, she is rude to Mr and treats me horrible after I have done nothing wrong to her? Who wants to be with a person like that? I gurantee she would have never done what I have done for her and that’s just how it is. I understand her recovery is important and should come before everything but that doesn’t mean be a jerk to somebody. I get that me calling her a ton and pestering her smothered her. But when you look at it, if she just simply would have answered I wouldn’t have been sucked in. So I guess what I meant by I had nothing to lose is that I have gained a lot of the respect back for myself and I realize that I deserve to be treated better. Maybe someday it can work out, maybe not, either way I need to be fine. Holding on is getting me nowhere so trust me I am trying to move forward in life. One thing I did think was, if I text a girl I started hanging out with and she never responded, I wouldnt contact her again until she got ahold of me. Or would wait months or years before talking to her. Throughout this ordeal I neve followed that because I figured hell, I dated her for years so it doesn’t matter. Sadly it did start to matter and I came off as clingy or smothering. Sadly I really was clingy there for awhile. But regardless it was messed up of her to ignore me and cut me out when she starts doing well. I always appreciate what you say and know you are right. I just had to push it the other day just to say screw it. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I did get a little excited when she was responding but I have to look at how it is now and not remember the past because things aren’t good like the once were and relasticly she is unkind and has only cared about herself for quite awhile.
Your opinion matters if it’s harsh or not. I figured when I called her I had nothing to lose so I did it. I really didn’t expect a response. The fact she did respond kind of suprised me. It all went favorable at first but by the end she was pissed off and rude. This is dumb, but I guess I was still kind of pressing for the California triP even though I never mentioned it. I just wanted to keep it as friends. At first it was like that and didn’t seem smothering to me at least. I agree though, she gave me a crumb and I took it from zero to a hundred by pressuring her to hangout. She is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met and honnestly is hard to reason with. She was like this in the relationship too. I just figured, what’s the point of being pissed off, sad or mad. Obviously she is still mad about something. I still am out of control but at the same time I feel pretty stable in a sense. All through her drug addiction I really only looked out for her and not myself. So I figured, hell, be stubborn and contact her and try and meet up. Reading you comment it sounds like I am way clingy, and smothering still and I get that. I imagine she probably feels the same since your perspectives are probably closer to each others. I have seriously gone through so much for her but she can’t be friendly? Maybe not with this situation, but in general I feel pretty level headed and I did hold my emotions well. I honnestly am nt thst upset if at all. It’s just like why would you be a jerk to somebody that literally has been there for you in your low times. Maybe I am just nicer than her I dunno. I’m not dumb though, I know California isn’t happening and I only pushed her away more. I just got tired of only having text as our contact throughout the months. At this point I don’t even know if I want to be with her. I miss having fun with her and everything but looking at it without involving the past she is a a jerk to me. It’s just like, be an adult, talk to me about repaying me, ect. I clearly said I am talking to you as just a friend and am not trying to get back together or anything. I know taking it slow and building some kind of relstionship/friendship is the way to do it if thst were to ever happen. But how she has went about it is kind of immature in a sense.
Well that didn’t last long. By that I mean talking with each other. She took forever to respond to the text of when we were supposed to meet up and then when she did which was like at 12 Am. She said we weren’t seeing each other in person. Then I just asked her what she had against me and she said nothing and we kind of text back and forth for awhile but she was completely rude and told me to get over it. I wasn’t clingy or rude or anything. I pretty much just played it like I already was and she had the wrong impression. Either way I remember how stubborn and hard she is to deal with. Back to not caring and moving forward. She needs to let whatever it is she is mad about go and act like an adult about things. It reminds me of why our relstionship was unstable at times. She was just so stubborn. I sent her a few texts which she didn’t respond to during our texting but who cares I guess.I feel like I kept my cool. I feel like I have moved on and care and am caring less and less.
Thank you :). It feels good to start accepting the situation and I finally believe whatever happens happens. I totally agree, it was stupid for my friend to even think about asking her to go to the river. He doesn’t really know the situa go on because I haven’t told him much. He is just a nice guy and figured the more friends the marry I think. Either way, I’m going to say don’t invite her places if or if not I am there. He’s one of my good friends so it shouldn’t be a problem. So I just read your message. Before I received it I was like what the hell do I have to lose and called and left her a voice message. My number was blocked which is no suprise. My message wasn’t smothering, wasn’t emotional, it just talked about a few things and essentially said I am happy for you and respect what you are doing. It was a good message. I literally erased and re recorded it like 10 times. I didn’t figure I would here back and was fine and accepted that. It was me giving myself peace. I even mentioned the swimming trip she went on in a non negative way and just said I hear things through the grape vine but am happy you are doing well or something. I am actually impressed with what I said. 15 minutes later she text me and said she doesn’t hate me and thanked me for putting up with her addiction and that she also put up with mine. Not sure what she was referring to about mine? I am assuming goING out and partying. I said thanks for helping me grow up and a few other things. I mentioned going golfing or to eat and she kind of ignored it. Then we talked about a few things in short texts. Anyway, she eventually asked when I wanted to meet up. I just said this evening or tonorrow. I can’t do it Sunday because of the river trip. Who knows if we will meet up and either way it’s not a big deal to me if we do or dont. I am going to continue to move on and not to care. I never want to get ducked back into feeling like I have over the last few weeks and months. I feel like I have finally started to accept it and move forward. I know it’s stI’ll going to be hard, but I am putting my effort into moving forward and not torturing myself. I know I’ll have my ups and downs but I feel good today :). Day by day like you say. As I always say, thank you for helping me through this process. 🙂 I’m sure I’ll struggle but I know I’ll keep pusbing forward in whatever directon it is. Gosh, I am so happy I have control of my emotion right now. It’s peaceful. Music help a ton to calm.
I feel like I have been waiting around for her to put I anger aside. Which in a sense I have. I guess at this point I am just tired with counting down days until I can contact her and what. I just want to get back to being myself. I know I have m good and bad days but thats just how it goes right? I am sick of dwelling on the past and beating myself up. I know I am a god guy. After talking to my friend about he I felt like I was smothering her in the past they just said smothering is the coerect term. Look at it, you date for over 3 years and had good and bad time. But when things took a downturn her life, you didn’t leave her side, you searched the streets at night looking for her in the middle of the night, you drove hours every week to go see her in rehab, you did a lot when most guys just wold have screw it. I did a lot more for her and it sucks becsuse obviously she is only seeing the bad in the past but I can’t change that. So what it’s came down to is thst I just dont want to care anymore and I am starting to force myself to not dwell on the past. I have felt good the last two days and am realizing I will be fine without her. I have to be becsuse I can’t control what happens. At this point I don’t know if I even want her back. I miss her and the good times but do I want to be with someone that has treated me poorly. I would love a face to face but that is highly unlikely. I talked to her briefly in text yesterday. It really didn’t go anywhere. So I guess I just don’t want to care anymore and whatever happens happens. I’m sure on this role coaster I might be sad later but I know if I take it day by day and minute by minute my mood will change. As far as writing her and saying I need some space, I just wonder if she will like, space? I haven’t even been talking to him why does he need space. I think it could be a power thing fr her and she would like it. My friend told me last night that she mesagged him the other week on facebook asking him about music or something and he thought about inviting her to the river this weekend with us and was like no that would be strange. Which it would have been and if I was going I doubt she would have went. I know telling her I need space is more for myseld to get over my emotions and torturing myself. But at this point I just don’t want to care anyone. I know this would be bad but if its over its over. I just want to leave a voicemail that isn’t mean or begging or anything and just say a little spill perhaps as closure and then just live my life. I’m tired of reading into every little thing and wondering. I know I wouldn’t get a reply so I wouldn’t be bummed if I didn’t. That’s how I feel as of now and I do yesterday too. I just don’t want to care becsuse that’s easier. I think part of me feared I am getting older, people are getting married, having babies, and that I wanted that with her. Realistically she has a lot of problems to work through right now and I hope she suceedes. The way she has treated me through this isn’t cool at all. I’m just tired of chasing her. So if I do leave a message, after I would just start doing my own thing again. If we met up some how out of it which wouldnt even be the point of the message great. I’m just tired of texting about everything. I feel to old for that and I’m over putting so much energy into it. Like I said before. Have felt like that the last two days and that feels good.
