[sdub]

Sadman17, I responded to your message on your post long ago.

Patricia12, I hope you are still on here. I was thinking about posting the other week. Then tonight happened I felt like it was the right time. First off I want to thank you once again for hearing me complain and giving me advice. You all were amazing in helping me through one of the hardest times of my life. Love hurts. Oddly enough, I saw my ex tonight. Let me explain a few things.

So looking back over the past year, I see why the no contact rule is so important. Obviously I had a hard time following it. Mainly it is important to give your ex some space, but very important to let the edge of your emotions cool down. Break ups are painful and you act irrationally. Give yourself time to clear your head. If your ex is like mine, they let you go for awhile, get curious, bait you in and then push you away. That doesn’t make it easy. But space is so important and patricia12 was so right. Not to mention anxiety and developing depression doesn’t help the process of getting over someone.

Ok, so I took a break from this post for months. During that time I really decided to try and get my life back together. I would be lying if I said I didn’t contact my ex a few times. During this time, I started casually dating a few girls, two really liked me but I wasn’t really interested in them. Although, I started hanging out with the girl I took to the foot ball game almost a year ago and we started going on dates more. I guess we still kind of go out. It’s more casual and nothing serious though. I feel like she isn’t in to me a ton, and it’s beginning to feel like I am wasting time. Plus there are things I don’t like about her. Although we have fun and I need that at times. The moral of that is it’s nice to see there are other people out there.

Ok so back to my ex, back in February the girl I liked slept over after a concert. Oddly enough, in the morning my ex randomly text me and wanted to stop by and say hello and go get coffee. I didn’t know what to do. Ask the girl to leave that I was interested in to go home? Or go have a conversation with my ex that I love. Not to mention I was slightly hung-over from the night before and had hickeys on my neck. To this day I regret my decision, but I asked my ex to rain check. She responded with some crappy text saying we won’t probably see each other for awhile and she doesn’t usually get the feeling to come see me and if I text her it might take her awhile to respond because she doesn’t check her phone often. Essentially she threw a fit. But I missed my chance to see her for a girl it’s going nowhere with. My ex was single at this point.

So skip forward to about two months ago, I decided to randomly text my ex and be positive. We text back and forth and she mentioned she was dating somebody. I text her like 3 times being like wtf. You wanted to see me not even two months ago and now you’re dating someone? In the morning she called me. She said not to blow her up and said sorry if that hurts me. I asked who it was she was dating, and it turned out to be someone from the administration from her rehab. Later in the day, she called me again but I missed her call. I was upset and called back and left a voice message saying it was really unethical for a staff member to prey on a patient at a rehab. I mean, after all patients are vulnerable, some have drug addictions, sex addictions, and staff shouldn’t be associated romantically with patients. I was an idiot and said I wouldn’t but should leave a bad review about the rehab on Google. Later in the day, she called me back and literally flipped out and let me have it. She mentioned her and this dude had only gone on a few dates. Either way, it crushed me. So at this point I said, there is no hope of getting her back, focus on yourself. Which I did once again and it was extremely tough to do.

So after a few months I called my ex, she had my number blocked and so I called again from an unknown number and she knew it was me and picked up. We had a great conversation for an hour. I was walking on egg shells but I kept my cool completely. I did ask her out but she said don’t push it. Over all, it was so great talking to her. In the morning she text me and said she read a text I sent her a week prior about it being unethical to date a go rehab employee and that she took offence and we couldn’t be friends. Sadly, I kissed her ass and begged in a sense to be friends and said I wasn’t threatening her or anything. I knew I needed more space once again.

So a week ago I called to let her know we may be going to the same concert which was today. She didn’t pick up. I left it at that. So today I went to the concert and I saw her there. I ignored her and chilled with my friends. I wasn’t having a repeat of the wedding from a year ago. Oddly enough, after 30 minutes of not looking at her. She walked over to me and said hey. I was like I called you last week, she replied don’t do that. I was like why jokingly. We ended up talking for like 10-15 minutes. She hugged me and said I smell good. I was touchy with her a little bit. We talked about the past and present. It was awkward at first and we were both nervous. But towards the end it was comfortable and the interaction was great. I did ask a few questions I shouldn’t have. I asked if she was married jokingly. She said no, and then I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said yes. That fucking hurt. I said I had been dating people too and she said that’s good. I played it as cool as I could and did quite well. After all, she was my best friends for 3 years. We joked about me being creepy and crazy and her being crazy at times. I asked her to unblock my number and to unblock me on facebook. I can’t summarize everything we discussed. She said we would see each other again before it ended but we really didn’t because I left the concert venue for awhile and we really never got a chance to talk again. She looked amazing! She threw a few compliments my way.

I’m in a little pain right now. But the thing is, looking back; I ruined it all for myself by being clingy. Granted she played games a lot. But my behaviors were smothering, over whelming and sabotaged my chances with getting back together. Whenever she made contact with me over the last year I was so eager I couldn’t just chill. My worst fear ended up happening with her dating somebody else. So I would encourage everybody to have better self control no matter how bad it hurts. You necessarily don’t get over things, you get through them and it may take time, but things slowly get better. Give you yourself time to cool down before you text somebody, don’t text bomb them, don’t drink and text, don’t poor your heart out to your ex, don’t creep their Facebook unless you can handle it. It’s hard not to do sometimes, but it only pushes them away. My case is rare because I had rehab staff encouraging her to distance herself from me.

It’s tough to know my ex is dating someone else, when I haven’t found someone I really like enough to date seriously or the one I might consider dating doesn’t like me a ton and is flakey or rude at times. But I know I’ll get over it. We all may never truly get over our exes. Hell I still love mine but sometimes things just don’t work out and life goes on. Anxiety and developing depression during all this made it hard. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on yourselves, go to the gym, go out with friends, date new people, travel, and live life a day at a time. Date people that see your value and want to spend time with you. Chasing my ex for a year was pure hell. It was painful, so space for yourself is so important. Don’t prolong your pain. For me regret still eats me, for example not bailing on that girl for my ex. But you know what you can’t change the past so don’t be like me and live in it.

So thank you all again for your help and hearing my rants. You are all amazing and I hope you are able to read this. This community and everybody’s comments helped save my life.

[sdub]

Patrica12,

I hope you had a Merry Christmas. So I planned on not posting here for a long time. But I thought I would give you an update just in case it can help anybody else out. Plus I could always use your advice :).

After my ex blocked me again on Facebook, I decided to call her grandma a week later and ask if I could drop her stuff off. Her grandma loves me and asked if I could stay and visit for awhile. Her grandma wants us to date. I also wrapped up the presents I had bought my ex over the past year and gave them as a Christmas present. I included a note with the gifts. Friday night she asked my friend to call her and they talked about me for awhile and how she was doing. My friend was with me when he called her but she didn’t know it. He mentioned we were having a get together at my apartment and she wanted to come but ultimately decided not to.

My ex just called me today and we talked for 40 minutes. I was caught so off guard and tried to not be needy or smothering. Although I am sure she could hear it in my voice a little bit. It was hard to get off the phone because I enjoyed talking to her. We talked about bad/ good in the past, how she is doing, and I tried to show her I have changed. Ultimately she is doing great and got a job in a recovery center. She thanked me for my gifts and said that she read my note today.

She said that me smothering her in the past was a turn off and that’s why she blocked me. Me bringing up old negative stuff in the past was a “turn off” (a year ago). I tried to explain that when you just get cut off from talking to somebody it makes you want to reach out more and I wouldn’t do that again. It was just hard for me. She said she understood.

This is the part that sucks. She also stated that she wanted to be clear that she doesn’t want to be romantically involved with me and that she doesn’t see a future with us together in it. She is content being single right now and hopes I apply my growth to my future relationships. I mentioned just letting the past go and that getting coffee or something sometime would be nice because she is my best friend and I miss her. I want to treat each other as we would anybody else. She agreed and said that she hopes we can be there someday but she feels like I am not ready for that yet. I told her going out doesn’t mean we will be dating or that I will be getting my hopes up just to be clear. I asked her if she missed me and she said yes but all of that doesn’t matter.

She said you aren’t going to convince me of anything and I was like you can’t convince somebody to love you. I wouldn’t want that.

I did ask her what her future plans were, kids and marriage someday? She said that is the plan and someday that will be in her future. She also said she would unblock me on social media. I am not going to lie, I am a little hurt by her saying we have no future together but tried not to react. I said I regretted blowing her up and how I handled things in the past and that is not me. I know I wasn’t as smooth as I had planned to be if we ever talked but I can’t change that. She said she cares deeply for me, loves me, and wants the best for me. Even though she says she isn’t stuck on past issues, I think she is judging me for them.

So I am sure she knows I am still interested. I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t. It was actually bad timing for her to call. I told her I am not stuck on her and she was like I never said you were. Anyway, at this point I am just going back to hanging out with other girls and not contacting her. But hearing her voice and talking to her made me miss her.

[sdub]

Wow, that all happened quick. You were right about not knowing where all of this would lead. While I was in California she commented on a picture I was tagged in. A conversation between me, her, and our friend started. It was mainly just joking around. She also liked all of the photos I would post. So today, I said hello, and told her I got her a gift while in California to celebrate how well she is doing and asked how she is doing. She responded and said she is doing well and jokingly said she would have billion things if we ever see each other again. Then I said I seriously have all of her crap in my trunk and asked when I could give it back to her? Maybe we could go ice skating and I could give it to her? She didn’t respond so I got a little irritated and sent a question mark tonight. She then said we aren’t going to see each other. I told her things don’t have to be toxic and a few other things and then she blocked me again. Like wtf? So I called and left a message but I doubt she listens to it.

It’s like she gets off to finding out I still am interested in her and then rejecting me. Like she is a messed up person and gets pleasure in my torment. It’s some kind of psychological abuse but I guess I am guilty for buying into it each time. It’s a cycle. I back off, she comes back, I ask her out, and she blows me off.

I let my friend read our conversation and she totally baited me in. I am going to keep going out with that other girl no question about that. This is just a cycle and will never change. Love is supposed to be easy and not constant games.

On a positive note, my sister’s kids had a great time at Disney Land :).

[sdub]

It was kind of random that she messaged me. I think it was just a way to break the ice since I never said anything after she unblocked me. I’ll just copy and paste the conversation below.

Her:I put 100 in your savings.

Me:Thank you.
Me: How are you doing?
Her:You’re welcome. I’m doing good. How are you?

Me:That is good to hear :). I’m doing great. I just got to California. Going to Disney Land with the kids.

Her:Oh good!! I hope you guys have a blast!

Me:Thanks! I’m sure the kids will love it. They are really excited.

Me:Well take care of yourself. Glad to hear you are doing good :).

I was flying so it took me awhile to respond to her. I just kept it short. Just to clarify, I was referring to my sister’s kids. She loves them.

[sdub]

patricia12,

You were right, she did end up contacting me. We briefly talked through messages.

[sdub]

patricia12
That is a possibility. She did always like my mom. It’s just strange to me still. Why visit with your ex’s mom? So I totally have been stuck. No questioning that. I couldn’t agree with you or my friend more. My friend was just trying to help so I can’t be upset about that. She was trying to help in her way.

It’s kind of strange how things work out sometimes. I can honestly say right now I feel so much better than I have in the past while. I haven’t been as sad or depressed since Thanksgiving. Last weekend I had so much fun. That girl I went to the football game with months ago invited me to a concert with herself and a friend. I brought a friend along too so it was like a double date. I realized that even though I miss my ex, there are other girls out there I will be into (the other few I messed around with not so much). This girl and her friend ended up staying at my apartment and overall the weekend was great. I kind of like this girl and I am not sure if it will go anywhere but either way it was a good reminder. I thought I might be friend zoned from the last time we went out, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore by how the night went. She recently got out of a long relationship too so she is figuring thing out.

Considering how the weekend went and texting with this new girl a bit over the last few days. Oddly enough I realized today that my ex unblocked me on Facebook (she looks great). Don’t worry; I am not going to break no contact. Who knows if she will contact me? Maybe she will, you could be right. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss my ex still. But I am realizing, this is all out of my hands and I don’t want to torture myself anymore. It’s just not worth it. Hopefully things stay this way :).

Haha I agree with you! Black Friday shopping is way too crowded. Plus waiting in a long line sounds miserable lol. I have to say, I am jealous of your warm weather. It’s been snowing for the past few days and has been so cold! I’m going to Los Angeles this weekend and am looking forward to the California sun!

[sdub]

I didn’t end up wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving even though I wanted to. I don’t get why she would want to go visit my mom? I find that kind of strange. It’s not like they were great friends or anything but would have conversations when we went to my parent’s house. I guess her wanting to go visit could be considered as a good thing.

Sadly I don’t know if I will ever get the chance to congratulate her because it’s looking like she isn’t ever going to contact me after praying. The conversation between my friend and ex was on Tuesday and it has been a couple days. So I did, talk to my friend quite a bit about my ex. She offered to message her, but didn’t need to mention I am stuck or anything. Her messages just seemed like she was unsure about the whole thing. I know she was trying to help but obviously she wasn’t very good at it. I just think my ex thinking I am stuck is a really bad thing. Perhaps I am over thinking it. I am at 28 days no contact. I am tempted to break it today. If I do call I would have to leave a message. I just don’t want it to seem like I am trying to sell myself. Basically it would be a short message saying I wondered how she is doing, and want to get her stuff back. I’ll probably remain no contact. Just a thought though. It sounds like she is moving out of her recovery house once she gets her tax return.

How was your Thanksgiving! Are you going to brave the crowds and do any black Friday shopping haha? It’s so cold here! I bet it warm where you live?

[sdub]

You are right, the conversation between my ex and friend wasn’t really that bad. I just didn’t like she said that I am “stuck”. I felt like she made it sounds like I am still needy or desperate. Once I read the entire conversation, she made up for it later on but kind of made long responses instead of just reassuring her there is nothing to worry about. Just so you have the entire conversation between the two. I will post what they said to each other after I posted my last message on here. Tell me what you think? They kind of discuss the “toxic” aspect a little bit more. I think you were right when you said she is worried about behaviors and how we treated each other in the past at times. I would consider some of those mistakes toxic.

Also, this kind of surprised me. I guess the night my ex and friend spoke, my ex graduated from her recovery program. I am excited for her and feel like I should tell her congratulations and maybe Happy Thanksgiving but am hesitant to break no contact (26 days :). I was kind of surprised to see my ex would have a discussion with my friend on a night she was celebrating with friends. I know you said I shouldn’t break no contact and should give her time to pray and think more. But I feel like her graduating is a pretty big deal? Should I congratulate her or just wait for her to tell me she graduated herself? She may never contact me but who knows.

Alright, here is the rest of their conversation from where I left off.

Ex: You think it could be good?

Friend: I would like to think so. I wasn’t always around you two together. I know you had your tough times but when I imagined your guys future I imagined you two in it for the long-term. Marriage & kids all that. I know you guys have lots to work on and I know you have both been hurt. And I fully understand all your reasoning and all the decisions you have made recently for YOUR life and your happiness and I would kick XXX’s ass if he jeopardized any of it. But I think that’s the last thing he wants to do. Well he said he doesn’t want to hurt you or jeopardize anything. He doesn’t want thing to be toxic. I totally get why you would be scared and he gets it too. It’s totally up to you. No pressure. But yes I have faith in you both.

Ex: I’m for sure going to pray about it. My heart is telling me one thing and my mind is telling me different. Thank you for being so sweet! I’m going to visit his mom soon. Life has just changed for me so much within the last 9 months, it’s crazy.

Then my friend never replied.

I am trying to not get sucked back in or get my hopes up and I can honestly say I am not acting irrationally or crazy like I did in the past. Things may never workout between us. I have to be ok with that. I have defiantly made progress in moving on a bit and meeting new girls :). Trust me, I am not getting back into the habit of continuous long messages on here. Just an fyi :). I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and you enjoy your time with your family. Thanks for everything again! I am thankful for you and all of your help.

[sdub]

How embarrassing, I took a sleeping pill last night and apparently stayed up. Lol I don’t even remember posting all of that last night until I saw my phone this morning. I wish there were some way delete the posts from yesterday but oh well.

flhsjt68, I defiantly need to stay off Facebook no question about that because it seriously is torture. I feel a lot better today than I did all of last week. My ex and I dated somewhere between 3-4 years (she pretty much lived with me for most of it). As far as the California trip with my family, there is no way I would even consider asking her to go. Honestly, I don’t plan on contacting her at all (not for a long time if I ever do) and I wish my friend wouldn’t have, not how she did at least. I guess they did talk for a while after everything I posted in my Ambien rant last night. But I have no control over that so that’s between them if they continue talking. I bet its tough working with an ex and kind of awkward at times for you. I have had friends in the same situation and they ended up switching jobs just to not work with their ex anymore. Sitting back and letting it go at this point is the only way to go. I totally agree with you. It does get better with time, in my case it has taken awhile but honestly it has started to. Getting blocked and the silent treatment drew me in as strange as it sounds. After dating for so long, getting ignored is pretty brutal.

Also patricia12 is such an amazing person. I appreciate her so much and all of her responses. She has seriously helped me so much through all of my hard times and has been a great voice of reason. She deserves so much credit for all of her responses. I am seriously thankful for everybody else that has commented on this thread and has given me great advice too.

[sdub]

Sorry for posting so much. This is actually unfolding a lot different than I thought it would based on my last message. My ex is going to go visit my mom and really wants to see me but is scared. TLC I have a few questions for you tomorrow. I hope you are still reading these.

[sdub]

Just to follow up.

So my friend did end up contacting my ex. I don’t think she said or went about it how I would have but it is what it is I guess. I wish my friend would have reassured my ex more about me but unfortunately she didn’t. I was going to summarize their conversation but it will be easier to just type it all out (see below). After typing their conversation I almost feel like my friend was arguing against my cause. She was blunt and honest but my hell sugar coat it a little bit. There is some positivity but damn. It’s good to know my ex still misses me but probably at a huge set back since she thinks I am stuck on her now. On the bright side, my ex probably has no idea I got to read their conversation based on how I was referenced. F**k . Just knowing my ex, if she would have got some encouragement she defiantly would have reached out to me with a small push and hearing that talking to me wouldn’t be toxic. Now she knows exactly where I am dealing with the break up. I feel so fucked. I know she’s not going to contact me.

Here is their conversation.

Friend: “ Hi sweet girl. How are you? Sorry to bother you. But XXX mentioned he really misses you. And I know you told me you miss him. I understand why you rather not talk to him and are trying to move forward with your life. But I was thinking sense you both miss each other that you should try and talk. I understand if you wouldn’t want to but it might not hurt. He has made some changes in his life, he thinks you would be proud of. Just thought I would let you know. Take care (heart emoji).

Ex: What did he say?
Ex: Don’t be sorry you aren’t bothering me at all.

Friend: Oh girl… more than I can type. Lol. He really misses you and talks about you a lot. He wishes you would unblock him. He wants to see you. Stuff like that.

Ex: Well damn… I don’t know what to do…
Ex: I want to talk to him but it could be toxic.

Friend: I understand. And I have explained that to him. I understand why you are trying to move forward. Trust me I do. It’s just he is stuck. He has tried to move forward but he just wants you. I know too little too late and that’s on him. But seriously he really misses you . It drives him nuts that you guys don’t talk.

Friend: I’m sorry to bring all this up to you. I don’t want to mess you up.

Ex: Your fine lol
Ex: I truly miss him. I need to pray about it.

Friend: I know you only want positivity and happiness in your life and deserve it. XXX means well. He is a good person. I would like to think if he got another chance even to just be your friend, I would like to think he would do better this time around. He knows where he messed up and has been working on it.

Friend: Ok love. You do that. Whatever you decide it’s up to you. Your happiness is what’s important. I just think maybe some good come out of another chance for you two.

[sdub]

Thank you for the advice. Going out with friends Saturday night helped to get my mind off things quite a bit. One thing I did realize based on feeling down all of last week is that I need some change in life and need to work on improving myself again. I haven’t really followed through on that very well. I need to get back in the gym and also enroll in grad school or something. Self-improvement has been hard over all of these months since I have felt down.

Now that I have had time to think about what my mom said to my ex. I realized it really isn’t even that bad. I am not really upset about it anymore. Also, about the football game, you are right. In the past she blew me off so many times when I asked her to go out. I am sure the football game would have been no different so I shouldn’t regret not asking her. Plus I had a good time with the girl I went with.

My friend that offered to talk to my ex is one of my best friends. She has seriously been there for me through all of this. She’s really the only person I talk to about my breakup in my personal life. My ex obviously knows that too because out of all my friends she contacted her. I don’t think my friend has contacted my ex. If she did, I think my ex would be more open to talking to her than me. I’ll have to ask her to see if she did. I am pretty sure she was just going to see if my ex would talk to me or something? Either way, I don’t want my ex knowing I still think about her even though I am trying not to.

I am trying my hardest to not get sucked back in or get my hopes up. Stalking social media Saturday was a bad idea and I am still paying for it. I have no intentions of doing it again. Then today I logged into my account, first thing I see is a picture of my ex and two of her friends out for a birthday dinner. I am like how is this happening to me when I am not intentionally looking for this stuff and my ex has me blocked. Haha it’s like I can’t get a break. I found it kind of funny but tormenting at the same time.

So I am at 24 days no contact. If you don’t count my little mishap of texting her that song you can add another week on to that. I know at this point the plan is to keep moving on and never contract her again. Like I said in my last message, I would be lying if I said I don’t want to reach out to her. Do you think it would ever be worth a shot? Gosh maybe my hopes are up today for some reason? I don’t know. I think if I ever did talk to her, I could take it slow this time. I am defiantly going to keep meeting nice girls regardless.

My family is going to Disney Land in a few weeks and I wish I could take her with me. That plus the holidays just has me missing her I guess. It will pass I am sure.

[sdub]

patrica12,

It sounds like you have a busy holiday season coming up. Haha you sound a lot like me. I haven’t done any Christmas shopping either. I usually wait until the last minute to go shopping. Out of sight out of mind is the logic I used when I put my ex’s stuff in my trunk. You are right though! It doesn’t always work unfortunately.

I wasn’t planning to message you until after Thanksgiving but here I am. This week is seriously kicking my butt. Today was just adding some icing to the cake. I just came back from my parent’s house where I watched a football game with my dad. While I was out there my mom asked me how I was doing and out of nowhere she said something about my ex. She said “xxx” messaged me last week and she asked how you were doing. I was kind of shocked by this news and asked my mom what she responded with. My mom just said I am pretty private and said she wasn’t really sure (my family doesn’t know how much I struggle with the break up).

Long story short, my mom’s Ipad was frozen and she couldn’t get it to turn on. So she gave it to me and I did a factory reset for her. Having her Ipad and being curios was a bad combination. I clicked on my mom’s messages and looked at what my ex said because my mom tends to forget

What really happened was my mom would send my ex memes about addiction and positive pictures in messages. My ex ended up responding and thanking her for sending them and then said “How is XXX?”

My mom responded with what I said above, but also said “the break up was tough” although it was the single best thing for both of us. For some reason her saying that kind of irritated me. I was still curios so I went to my ex’s Facebook page. She was at the football game I was watching with her dad. It made me wish I would have asked her to the game a few months ago instead of the girl I took (which went nowhere) because at that point and time we weren’t on bad terms. I briefly scrolled down my ex’s page. She looked great in all of her pictures and it looks like she is doing well. I only saw pictures of her hanging out with people in recovery and is enjoying life. Which I am happy to see but it makes me sad I can’t be a part of it. I was glad to see that it didn’t look like she is dating anybody. It also made me feel like she has forgotten about me. But at the same time, she did contact my friend and say she missed me. I know there is nothing to be excited about. It just got me thinking.

I am at 22 days no contact and am still going strong. I am not going to lie; part of me wants to contact her in the near future. My friend that my ex messaged offered to ask her why we aren’t talking if she misses me and I miss her. Or something to that extent. I don’t know if I should have her do it though. What do you think?

Don’t worry, I am not back to my old ways. This week has just been rough and I really miss my ex. I feel like if I wouldn’t have pushed it so hard when we started talking again, maybe we would have worked things out. I was just so eager and excited. As much as I want to because of my emotions, I won’t send my a ex needy message and pour my heart out haha. I have learned from my mistakes and won’t do this. No good is going to come from that. Wow, I realized I have taken some big steps :).

Regardless, I am still going to keep pushing forward and intend to hang out with new girls. Moving on from my ex has seriously been one of the toughest things I have had to do.

Sorry for the long message and I don’t want to disappoint all of you. So I am staying strong today and won’t give in. I am going out with a bunch of friends tonight so that should help clear my mind. I just needed to get this out.

[sdub]

patricia12
It is so good to hear from you :). I really needed some support today and was excited to see your message when I logged in. For some reason over the last 3 days I have been struggling a little bit out of nowhere. Overall the past week was really good though, my friend from Texas came to visit for a few days and it was a lot of fun.

Oh, and I have been talking a little bit to the girl I met a few weeks ago. She’s pretty cool.

I am still no contact :). It hasn’t been easy, or very long, but I have stuck to it. On 10/22/16 I text my ex telling her to not repay the money I lent her and got no response (I doubt she read it). On 10/28/16 I was half asleep, heard a song she would like and sent it to her. I doubt she read my message or listened to the song but this restarted no contact for me (mad at myself for slipping up). Since the morning of 10/28/16 I haven’t attempted to contact her. Not even after she messaged my friend asking how I was doing and saying she missed me. So it has been a total of 18 days of straight no contact. I wonder how she is doing but I don’t want to break no contact. I still have all of her stuff in my car’s trunk :/. I don’t want to put it in my new apartment haha. I’ll probably end up throwing it away sooner or later. So overall, things are getting better when I look at the big picture even though I miss her a bit today. How are things going for you? Are you ready for the holidays?

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Thanks for your response patricia12, I felt kind of anxious when I posted my message the other day. I feel a lot better now though thankfully. I stayed strong and didn’t fall back into my old ways and remained no contact. I still have my days, but overall remaining no contact has gotten a lot easier. I am defiantly going keep going out with other nice ladies :).

So check this out, I was chatting with one of my best friends last Friday. I pretty much talk to her every single day. She asked how my week was going and why I felt anxious earlier in the week. I told her it was a combination of things (my ex and getting the silent treatment, work, etc.). Then she said something that I didn’t expect.

“don’t ask okay. Just know you were right. And your feelings aren’t uh…. Non mutual. Don’t ask. You were right. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry you still miss her dude.”

I was like what are you talking about, and automatically assumed that my ex changed her relationship status on Facebook or something. I was clueless. After a few minutes of finally trying to convince my friend to tell me what she was referring to she finally did.

Essentially my ex contacted my friend last Wednesday and asked her not to tell me. I guess she really didn’t want me to know she contacted my friend from the sounds of it. My ex wanted to know how I was because she had been thinking about me as much as she would rather not be.

My friend told her: “I said you were ok. You missed her and you just moved to a new apartment. She said ugh she misses you too even though she shouldn’t. But that’s good she needed to know if you were ok. And glad that you are and said thanks bye. So basically she wanted to know how you were.”

My friend said a few more things but you get the point. I was really surprised to find out my ex contacted my friend. I would assume she would think my friend would tell me but then again maybe not. I did have to convince my friend to tell me about it and it took me a bit.

I still remained no contact and am not getting my hopes up or anything. I don’t want to get sucked back in and be where I was previously. I actually really want to go out with one of the girls from the other week again. I just found all of this so strange and thought I would tell you. I wonder why she just wouldn’t contact me? Just gotta keep pushing forward :).

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