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Idk I see what you’re saying. But I feel like my No Contact is not for him. It’s for me. I’m giving myself the space to see that I can live without him. I don’t mind that he doesn’t contact me. That’s up to him and there’s nothing I can do to force him to do anything. I can’t force how something feels.
In my opinion, my no contact period is not about waiting around for him to call. It’s about working on myself and getting some well needed space. Sure, I have bad days where I miss him more than anything. But I think that’s natural whether I’m contacting him or not.
No Contact isn’t about waiting. It’s about doing better and constructive things with your time that doesn’t include talking to your ex. How are you ever supposed to move on and see clarity while still in contact with them?
But yeah I 100% know what you mean about not wanting to wait. There are a lot of things that I want to say to my ex, but I know that I’m not thinking rationally right now and I still have to think over these things.
I think we all have our own ways of dealing with things and mine is having No Contact. Yours is contacting your ex and then realizing that you don’t need their validation. Which I think is great! :’) Now you can hopefully move on with your life and if something with your ex happens, then it happens.
Thanks for your advice 🙂 Good luck with everything!– Sorry I just realized I hadn’t finished my reply?
It’s a huge risk to be with someone to make your ex jealous. That’s just not fair!! I feel like even if my ex was with someone else, I really don’t think I could be in another relationship while I’m still in love with him.
‘Sometimes you only regret the risks you don’t take’ I agree. That’s why I told my ex how I felt about him almost straight after No Contact. But nevermind. Now I have all the time in the world to make myself feel better and learn to live without him.I sometimes feel like I wasn’t appreciative enough for everything that my ex did. I really don’t think you can be too thankful, so don’t worry about that! I had depression for my entire relationship but I had learnt to control it some what. For some reason, everything came crashing down a couple of months before he broke up with me. I guess because I had been feeling lonely and had just started my new job, meaning I got to spend less time with him. Unfortunately he had just moved house and I was going to be moving in, but at that stage I couldn’t afford to live with him 🙁 He really wanted me to move in and didn’t mind that I couldn’t pay for rent or anything. He just wanted me to live there as well, but I felt that wasn’t fair on him since he would be paying all the bills. Now I wish with all my heart that I had just moved in with him anyway. That way I wouldn’t have missed him so much when he went away with his friends on the weekends because I would have seen him during the week.
I believe me and my ex are soul mates as well. He even told me this at one stage. Before I met him I wasn’t even sure that I believed in soul mates. But now I do, and being apart from mine is so difficult and sad. It’s quite scary thinking that we may never be together again. Although I like to believe we will be, I will never know unless it happens. I know what you mean about the silence 🙁 I wish my ex would talk to me finally!! But at least we have each other.
Yeah that’s a good idea. There’s no use guessing what they are thinking and feeling. Instead we should focus on what we’re thinking and feeling and learn to live by ourselves. I think I’m getting a little bit better although I’m going to see a councilor tomorrow just because I think it will help a bit more to talk about everything again. Maybe help with my growing.
I know what you mean. I’m so scared to bring up my feelings with my ex. Because he may just say no and it’ll feel like all the progress I made was for nothing. Idk. I guess because I have a ‘deadline’ to talk to him about things makes it better because I know he will be willing to sit down and hear me out. He wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t willing to talk to me at that time. I don’t think my ex would be happy to see me with someone else. But I don’t want to be with someone else. Maybe not ever. And it’s a huge risk toYeah that’s right. I think you should talk to him when you feel ready. I’ve though about doing just that as well. Like… Maybe I won’t talk to him for a few years just so I can grow and figure out what I’m doing. If it’s true love I don’t think he’ll forget about me but then again maybe he will. I guess I should talk to him at New Year’s though… I’m just scared I’m going to cry the entire time.
I’m an aries… although I definitely don’t feel like one. Idk I just don’t fit a lot of the aspects of that sign :/ but nevermind. I hope that what you read was right. Although I can’t say that my relationship was 100% fine. I was always pretty clingy, it just got a lot worse. And we had a lot of ups and downs but in the end the good times were a hell of a lot better than the bad times and I just hope he is remembering them while I’m not contacting him.
Yeah that makes sense. I’ve read that sort of thing before. And it’s really cute at the beginning of a relationship when they’re trying to impress you. My ex thought he was going to be a really bad boyfriend! But he was amazing and sometimes I wasn’t very grateful for that.
I guess my memories haven’t faded and I haven’t been looking at any pictures either (because that would make me too sad). My ex had a couple of little love notes / letters that I gave him. I tried to get them to me when I went to get all my stuff from his house. I said they’re yours… just throw them out or whatever. But he said no no and just put them down on the bed.
Yeah I kinda thought he was struggling adn the fact that he said that made me feel worried about him. But then my friend said that it seemed like he was joking so I was pretty annoyed about that because I am in a dark place and he probably knows that. He’s definitely not one to show his emotions (even when we were together) so it is strange that he even said something like that… he could’ve just said that it was an accident or something to protect his feelings if that was how he actually felt but idk for sure. Maybe he wasn’t joking and was actually feeling sad..I’ll never know. My sister has seen him in the supermarket and things a few times and said that he looks pretty happy, but he has always been high :/ I haven’t seen him around town because I avoid going anywhere when I know he might be there. I shop for food during the day instead of going there at night when he could be there after work. I’d like to run into him but I’m not sure how I’d react. I’d probably be really sad :/ Also, you’re not supposed to go anywhere they may be during NC.
Aw at least he replied to you in the morning. I’m sure he was just tired the night before. But good luck with your NC for now! Hopefully he’ll end up messaging you :’)
My sister is leaving in a few months in December or during the New Year. That kinda sucks because that’s when I’ll be talking to my ex and I want her around for that time! Thank you!! I’ll always be here for you too. Even if it’s only virtual, it’s better than nothing <3Aww, you should never assume anything. I think that, once your ready, it will be a good idea to talk to your ex and see how he is feeling. That is the only way you will ever know. I feel like my ex is doing the same. He feels like it is best for us to be away from each other right now, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me anymore or that he won’t love me again in the future. You never know what someone is truly thinking unless you ask. I haven’t looked at notes or messages or anything because I know that they’ll make me cry so much and I’ll probably break NC!
My ex and I have the same horoscope as well!! This is getting scary how similar our situations are haha. I don’t read them, but I have thought about it. I’m feeling like it might be best to leave my feelings and memories here as well. Then if I ever see my ex in the future things could work out naturally. I just don’t know though. I guess he did say that he would talk to me at New Year’s. so I’ve gotta do that at least.
I think you did the right thing not replying to him at the beginning because it showed him that you WERE moving on and you were growing up to become a different person. Developing into someone that he wouldn’t want to break up with. I hope that makes sense? I’m sure he would have wondered where you had gone. But that’s a good thing!
That’s very true. Even if my ex is with someone else that doesn’t mean that he will automatically forget the time we spent together. I’m really sad because he doesn’t own any photos of us together 🙁 He doesn’t have a camera and he used to update his phone all the time which would wipe the memory. I didn’t really mind at the time but it seems sad now that there will nothing to remind him of how we looked together. I have lots of photos and polaroids of us together.
I wanted to write my ex a letter. I don’t know if I’ll send it but at least I’ll get all my feelings out. Then I can give it to him if I see him in October or New Year’s and reaffirm things that I’m going to talk to him about.
I can’t say for sure if your ex is just replying out of respect or not. But I think it’s a good idea to ask him how he feels. I would use the text / phone call templates that are in Ryan’s Relationship Rewind? That way you can reestablish a connection, meet up with him as friends and then on the third date you get him alone and tell him how you feel. I don’t know how well this works because I haven’t done it myself (as I told my ex of my feelings the first time I saw him again) and maybe that won’t work for you but I just thought it’d be worth mentioning? For ideas on what to say etc.
Aw that’s sounds like a really cute song. He might have been reaching out to you. I guess you won’t know unless you ask him. I wish I could see what my ex is putting on facebook 🙁 He deleted it for a day (my friend told me) and then when he was back this girl that I really don’t like asked him why and he said that he was in a dark place. But my friend said it sounded like he was joking :/ which really upset me because i AM in a dark place!! Ugh.
I’m really hoping that he’s missing me. I have no idea what he’s been up to lately and it kills me. He has probably been out partying every weekend. Normally I’m at home on the weekends because I have work D: I don’t really have anyone else to hang out with. Especially as my sister is living to college soon, which is going to be really tough.
Good luck if you ask your ex how he feels. I believe in you!Hopefully I’m not thinking as negatively as I was. I still haven’t given up hope, I just hope it isn’t false hope. I’m trying not to over think anything too much anymore.
I really do think that my ex thought that he meant we could talk at New Year’s. It seemed like he had thought about it even before I had told him I still had feelings for him. I know that he wouldn’t say something if he didn’t truly believe it so I just have to keep thinking that it’ll work out, and hopefully it will. I also feel like I’m in a better frame of mind for if it doesn’t work out.
I’m really glad for our virtual friendship as well! I had told a few people online about my situation and kept trying to get advice off different people which just confused me more and more. In the end, I think these people got fed up of me telling them every little thing I was feeling so I’m really lucky these boards are here. I feel like if I didn’t express everything on here then I would either explode or cave and tell my ex everything!
I’m sad that you feel like your ex doesn’t have you in your heart anymore but it’s good that you can deal with it now. That’s the main reason for NC I think, it helps you deal with the fact that your ex isn’t part of your life anymore (and in good examples it makes them miss you and wonder where you are). I’m sure it’s really hard to let it go and I know that you will be together if you are meant to be. Good luck with your NC! I’ll be here to help you through it all.
I definitely love myself more than I did when I was in a relationship. Something that someone told me was when I’m in a situation like, my friend or even my ex hasn’t messaged me back or I feel like everything is hopeless, I just have to ask myself ‘Do I love myself enough to get through this?’ And usually I surprise myself with the answer and it helps me feel more strong.
The hope is still in my heart for me and my ex, but one day it might not be. One day I might truly be over him. But for now, I think I just have to hold on for a little while longer. At least until New Year’s. My only REAL worry is thinking that he may have found someone else :'( but no one has said anything, unless they’re trying to keep me from hurting but he said that he didn’t want to be in another relationship for a long time so I just have to trust him on that and hope for the best on that front.
I’m going to put all my photos onto a hard drive and just put them away for now. Maybe one day I will be able to look back at them and smile, instead of feeling sad that it’s over. I also have some polaroids of us together that are still up in my room, so I should really take them down.
He isn’t my first thought in the morning anymore. Sometimes I think about the fact that I have to go to work, or about something else and then I remember about the break up. When I remember in the morning I don’t feel too sad though. I just think ‘Oh yeah’ and eventually that will just be natural. That will be what my life is like. Hopefully!
The thing I wonder about is if in say, 2 years, if I’m STILL thinking about my ex, I’m not sure if I should contact him then? I’ve thought about writing a letter and then if I still want to send it, I will send it then. But by that time he may have changed address or his phone number so it’d be really difficult to get in touch. Hopefully, if I do something like that, it’ll just work out and I’ll let things progress naturally and not get to upset if he replies to me or not. I realize that’s very far in the future so I’ll just think about now and leave those thoughts to if/when they happen 🙂
That is what I believe. I believe in fate and everything. So even if you haven’t seen your ex in a few years, maybe you will run into them and everything will play out like a rom-com! haha. We never know what will happen. I think we just have to keep love in our hearts, whether its for our ex, for someone else, or for ourselves.Yeah that’s very true. I’m trying not to expect anything from him & just take everyday at a time. I got a good feeling today that he might have messaged me but my phone is flat and I don’t have my charger so I will have to wait! He probably hasn’t. Maybe I’m just feeling more positive in general. Even if he has contacted me, I can’t reply because I’m still in NC.
I was thinking about it a lot and I’m not sure it would work out. The only way it would is if my ex is willing to put in effort. Because it’s not going to be easy. I just hope that even if we don’t get back together, I will be able to have a good talk to him at New Year’s and get all my feelings out. That way, I will feel more content with moving on. And even then, I’ll still feel like we could be together in 10 years or something? Even if I go away, I just feel like the universe would push us back together some how???? That’s probably silly but that’s how I feel because I sincerely love him lots and it feels like he is my soul mate.
It does hurt that he has blocked me but I know that if we were friends then I would be checking his facebook constantly, which I think is part of the reason he did it. He knows what I’m like! I also don’t think he would’ve wanted to see happy memories because it would have just made him sad. I’m wondering if I should save the photos I found of us together? If we were still in relationship I would save them with no questions asked but since we’re not together anymore it feels kind of … stalker-ish to be saving photos of him 🙁 I’m not sure!
Oh yay! I’m so glad your ex replied! I knew that he would. I will go and check out your post now :))) Thank you so much by the way. Even just talking to you really helps me get through this process.I saw a thing that said ‘Stop checking up on people who don’t care about you. It’s draining’ and it made me feel sad but I don’t know why 🙁 When I do get in contact with my ex I hope that he still cares about me and wants to talk :(((
My ex and I moved into different stages of life because I just got a job and wanted to spend all my free time with him, while he wanted to hang out with his friends, which means I would get upset that I didn’t get to see him after a long day of working. Now I wish I had realized that was okay, because losing him for a weekend is a lot better than losing him forever.
I’ve been reading some of my emails from Kevin and it says that men take longer to get over extreme emotions. Which means our exs’ probably still have us in their heart (or, because they stopped wanting us, they don’t and it’ll take a while for them to see us in positive light again).
I’m sad that he blocked me but I really don’t think there is anyone else. He told me that he couldn’t be in another relationship for a long time, so I’m just hoping that true. A couple of my friends are still friends with him and I feel like they might say something if he is in a relationship with someone else but I really don’t think he is. I’m not sure if he has deleted photos of us together… There are still some on my facebook that I’m tagged in but I’m not sure if he is still tagged because he has blocked me. I was looking at some photos of a friend of ours and I unexpectedly found some photos of us that I had never seen. Luckily, they didn’t make me too sad. I was surprised to see them though.
That’s how I’m feeling. Things have changed at the moment, but if we are meant to be, then we will be. Even if it’s 10 years from now. I’m not going to wait around though and I hope that he will realize that.
Hopefully he will get in contact. It breaks my heart to think that he may not even care what I’m up to or how I’m feeling. A lot of the time I’m thinking of how he might be feeling and if he’s okay (I’m pretty sure he is – he has been out partying a lot… But then again I feel like he may be trying to numb his real feelings and everything).
I hope everything goes well too, let me know if he messages you back!Aw yes, I feel alone to. A lot of my friends are busy with their lives and I don’t really have anyone that close to me either ;_: my ex has lots of friends and loves spending time with them, but I wish that I could’ve been invited along and spent time with them as well, but because I didn’t like smoking weed I always felt uncomfortable if we hung out with them. The memories of his brothers and mum are making me really sad too :((( it seems like we’re in very similar situations! My ex’s brother messaged me on facebook because I liked his status like for a like or whatever and it was sooo nice and he said that we would always be close but it just made me cry a lot! I have so memories with him and my ex together and I wish we could all hang out and just have a good time again.
Yes!! I feel exactly the same! I see so many photos on faceboook that I want to tag him in. Unfortunately he blocked me on facebook so that I wouldn’t do just that and go through all our old messages and photos. I don’t think he’s hiding anything really, a few of my friends have told me things he’s said etc. but I think I’d rather not hear.
Yesterday, I felt a bit better. I felt like I could put him behind me and be happy without him. I had hope that we could be together in the future but didn’t feel devastated if it was indeed over forever. But today I’m really sad again :((( I’m not really sure why I felt so much better yesterday. But today my desktop computer stopped working and it reminded me that my ex had just built me a computer at his house that I was going to use. Now I’m guessing he will have given it to his brother or his friend and I’m really sad because he made it smaller especially for me and put the hard drives in different places etc and Idk it was just really cute and I’m upset that I’ll never get to use it now, when he had made it especially for me. I was going to have a little desk in his room and everything.
You don’t need to apologize for letting your feelings. I understand completely!! Sometimes you just have to get them all out, or you’ll end up talking to your ex! That’s what I feel anyway. I reaaalllly want to hang out with him at some stage. I’m hoping he’ll contact me first and then I can ask him to hang out and watch a movie or something. I keep planning out things I’m going to say when I see him at New Year’s if it goes through, and I need to stop doing that I think.
Awww that’s really cute! I hope he saw the cute lil dog!! I wish I could tag my ex in something cute like that. I presume he will unblock me one day when he is ready :(((( What part of the world are you living in? haha.
Thank you! I’m staying strong and trying not to check my phone too much in case he has messaged. I have work for the entire weekend, which would normally be good but unfortunately I don’t have much to do at work atm D: so hopefully i’ll find some way to keep myself busy. I’m always here for you too! 🙂 Let me know how everything goes.Hi Moon Bunny! I’m going okay. I still feel pretty sad all the time and I think about my ex being with other people and that makes me sad but other times I feel okay. I know that he wouldn’t have said that we’ll see what things are like at new year’s if he didn’t mean it.
I’m really hoping that this chance to grow and be happy without him will lead to being with him again though :/ and I know I should stop hoping that and just be happy for myself. but it’s so difficult. I’ve sort of got to give up on him for now in order to truly be happy without him.
I see what you’re saying. Like, if I went round to my exes house right now and we both decided to give it a go, it probably wouldn’t work out because we haven’t had the chance to grow up and find our own feet.
I don’t know if I’ll be ready by New Year’s?? Hopefully I will be and I guess i’ll just have to see and say what I feel when it finally comes around. I’ve been thinking about just hanging out with my ex in October some time. I don’t think he’ll say no, but if he does I know that I’ll be crushed. Do you think I should ask him, or just leave it till he contacts me?
How are things going for you? :’)Yeah I really don’t want to annoy him and him say anything more upsetting. I already have him saying ‘It’s fun while it lasted’ swirling around and around in my head.
I know deep down that it COULD work if we try and get back together. But it has to be something that we are both ready for and that we both want. Right now, I don’t feel like my ex wants that and I don’t know if he will have changed his mind by new year’s. I’m hopeful that I’ll at least be able to lay down everything I need to say when the time comes.
During my first NC period, I gave my phone to my mum so I couldn’t text him and I’m thinking of doing that again. Although having a phone is really inconvenient.
I guess that by doing things like texting our exes or not working on ourselves, we’re just showing them that we’re the people that they broke up with, not a new and attractive self.
I really wish you the best! Keep talking to me because I really want to hear how it’s going for you as well, and it’s so good to have this support.I feel like he meant that. I think we all truly believe that if we’re meant to be with someone, then we will be.
I’m feeling really upset today because my mum has said that ‘most times when people break up then it’s over’. and before now she has been supportive and has helping me think of what to say to my ex etc. My sister saw him at the supermarket and apparently he was high as a kite and really happy. It breaks my heart to think that he’s having fun without me. I wish he wasn’t smoking weed so that he could truly feel things like I am. Now, I know if I ever get in contact with him he might be stoned and I won’t be able to get through to his proper feelings (if that makes sense).
It was both of our first serious relationship and I know that I was a bit possessive and jealous of some things, which definitely contributed to the break up. He was also selfish (which he said that he had realized when I talked to him – I also think that he wasn’t stoned when we talked, because he probably did it out of respect for me).
I guess I just have to accept the fact, like you have, that me and my ex are in different stages in life. I drafted a text message to him today, but I’m trying to stay strong. It said this:
‘(Name). i don’t want to give up on you, but if you want me to then I will. It truly breaks my heart to know that you are so much happier without me, and I can’t keep waiting for new year’s if it isn’t going to do anything.’
I haven’t sent it, but I really want to. I know that I shouldn’t because that will break my NC but in the end, I want to know if all this suffering is worth it :'(Thank you once again :’)
I go through moments were I don’t think it’s worth it, and then sometimes I feel better. I’m trying just to focus on myself during this time and not focusing on the negative (something I did during our entire relationship). I think I did rush into wanting to reconcile, because it had only been a month since we had broken up. He wanted to wait until New Year’s which is about 5 months afterwards.
If, by the time I have finished NC, I am feeling better about myself and love myself a lot more then hopefully it’ll be easier to deal with the fact that they may not ever want to be with me again. Right now I’m struggling to understand that fact 🙁 Although I am trying to pretend he just flat out said no (and hadn’t said anything about talking at New Year’s).
I wish you luck with your NC period! It’s such a difficult and scary thing to do. Your whole ‘the same flame will die’ made complete sense to me :’) if we do get back together, it will be a completely new relationship. I’m going to try sooo hard to focus on myself from now on and hopefully everything will fall into place, whether I’m with my ex or not.
