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Sorry: I think it’s important to NOT swipe her left or right. That way, you won’t know what her reaction is unless you are in a state of mind that can deal with her swiping left – I hope that makes sense!
Yeah it’s really hard to predict what she may do. I think it’s important that you keep no contact for as long as you can. If you still think that you will be upset if she swipes left, then I think it’s important to swipe her left or right. But you still want to connect with her, so texting could be a way to go. I think it would sound pretty keen if you mentioned seeing her on tinder & know that she’s single.. so it might be better to reach out via text where it’s not obvious that you know? If that makes sense. Good luck! 🙂
I think you should definitely try to go for the full NC! Then maybe match with her on tinder. It’s only 9 days away, and you can see if she wants to reconnect as well. Or if it’s easier then just text her. It’s likely that she’s seen you on tinder as well?
Oh my god yes, please tell her not to make a big deal out of it!! It truly is, like you said, a harmless plant. I have so many regrets after making a huge fuss about him smoking weed again. I’m not even 100% why I was so against it – only that I felt left out. But honestly, they just need to be honest with each other. She should let her boyfriend know that she is uncomfortable with it, but that’s all. If he respects her, then he won’t smoke it in the same room with her or pressure her into trying it if that’s not something she wants to do. My ex smoked weed in the beginning of our relationship. Then he stopped because he thought it would make me happy. That was a big mistake on his part! He should have stopped for himself, not for me. Now it’s like he blames me for making him stop – when I never even asked him to! So if her boyfriend ever decides to quit, he should make sure that’s what HE really wants for himself. I really hope things can work out for your best friend! I have so many regrets and I wish that I COULD go back and just love my ex no matter what. I think I’ve learnt to accept the weed now, but now it’s too late.
I hoping to go to the UK. My dad is from there so I have a passport and citizenship. I really hope that I can save enough to go. Maybe I will be able to say goodbye to my ex properly before I leave. Although, I should try not to make every aspect of my life about HIM. It sounds so exciting to go to Japan! I have a few friends there too that I would love to visit.
I’m sure that catching up in a friendly manner will be good for you. I always think that once people become friends, the path to getting back together could become smoother. But I guess that’s just my opinion and obviously every situation is different. I also may have watched too many movies! I’m tired of it all too. I know that I gave it all a good go to try and get back together and there’s nothing more that I can do now. Now, it’s all up to him. If he wants to be in contact with me, then he knows where I am. I’m sure your ex will always remember you! There’s no way that he could forget you. You were his first love and people never forget that.
Ahh I love that phrase to say to myself. It always really helps me to get through any difficult situation I’m in. I have to thank my friend for that one! I wonder why his dad called you!! Might have been a butt dial! 😛 I miss my exes family too. Especially his little brothers </3 I feel like I may never see them again, which just adds to the loss. It really is a grieving process.. like I’ve lost them all. But then I may see them around and they’ll haunt me after I’ve accepted the fact that they’re gone. Idk. Hopefully one day I will see one of them and it will be happy. I feel as though the two young ones may not remember me as they get older, as they’re only 10 and 7 years old. Maybe they will remember, but I feel like I will be less memorable for them. He has another brother who is nearly 15 and is one of my best friends, so I know he won’t forget me at least.
We can do this moonbunny!! You’ve shown such strength and you’re only getting more and more beneficial to my grieving process <3 I don’t know what I’d do without you.Ahh, that makes sense. I think you’re right. It’s important to just take things at face value and stop trying to make positives out of everything. Like MAYBE he did this because of this… or MAYBE it’s just because of this. We just have to take the facts that we know for sure and not run with them anymore. Even though that is sometimes a lot harder, as we have to take the negatives and not try to spin them into a positive (I feel like that’s something I do!!) – When I asked my ex for a hug, he hesitated and made a sound like he was not really sure, or that it wouldn’t be right. I pretended to myself that his hesitation meant that he wanted to but then thought it wouldn’t be right. When really I should’ve just taken it as the fact that he didn’t want to. And I need to stop trying to make the situation better for myself & face reality.
I hadn’t heard of him before – but that definitely sounds like something I do naturally anyway :/ I’m not sure it’s a good thing because it’s important to pick up on positive signals as otherwise good things may pass you by? But that’s just my opinion. I guess by not looking for positives you are less likely to get hurt so I guess that’s why it’s effective.
I’m exactly the same Penelope ! :/
Even though it’s very clear that my ex doesn’t want to be with me anymore I keep thinking that perhaps even the universe is giving me signs that it’s still meant to be!! I wish I could just stop assuming things or hoping for things.That’s okay @moonbunny I’m trying to spend less time on here as well. The more I think about my ex, the more sad I become… so coming on here sort of delays my progress. Unfortunately I dream about him every night D: I wish I could stop that from happening! As I can stop thinking about him during the day, but it’s incredibly difficult to control my dreams. Then when I wake up, my whole mind and heart is filled with him. I think for the most part I have moved on… but I still think about him and miss him. Just yesterday my dog was growling and I thought I head music outside my window ;_; just another fantasy of mine.
I realize that it’s very unlikely that my ex will be a part of my future now. I’d still like to speak to him some time in the future, and if he contacts me then I’d be happy to try and at least be friends. But at the moment I’m talking too much and I feel like I’d be too bitter and maybe nasty to him. So I think my best plan is not to talk to him at all. I don’t think that he will forget about me over time, as our connection is strong. And if he does forget about me, that just goes to show that it wasn’t as strong as I believed. I’m just letting him live his life now, I don’t want to stop him from being happy.
I live in New Zealand Moonbunny – so not TOO far away. Although to be honest, I’m far away from everyone here! I’m going to talk to my councilor on Monday and hopefully we can actually put a plan for my travels into place. I really do just want to get out of here, especially the town where I live. My ex lives just round the corner from me… I haven’t been to the supermarket in over 2 months now.
Yeah that’s a really hard decision to make. Like, I think it’s wonderful that he’s speaking to you and that you’re in a positive relationship. I wish I had not talked to my ex when I found out about his new gf because until then we hadn’t really argued about the break-up or anything. Then when I talked to him, it only hurt me more and more. and I felt so pathetic asking him for a hug. That will be something that I regret for a long time. So I don’t know what to suggest – I know that you’re a hardworking person who believes in fate and I know that you’re likely to give you and your ex another shot. I’m just worried that he may not want to same thing as you and that you’ll get hurt. I guess you’ll have to decide whether it is worth risking your somewhat friendly relationship that you have now for something 100x better or 100x worse :/
Also I believe that our break-ups will be for a reason. It may be to make us more strong for a future relationship with them, OR more likely it’s so that we find someone even better suited for us! I admit that my ex was my first love and that’s probably why I feel such a strong connection to him. Maybe he felt the same way, I may never know. So for now, I need to stop thinking of him and maybe even try to find someone else. I’m not interested in anyone right now, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be ever.
Sri! I promise that everything will be okay. I know that your ex is still in your heart, mine is still there too. But you need to start living your own life and stop thinking about him. If you’re just sitting around thinking about him & crying that will definitely not help you at all – trust me. For some reason, I admitted to my ex that I had just sat in bed and cried and thought about him for two months. It was silly to do that, and even sillier to admit it to him. He said that it wasn’t his problem and that everyone deals with things in different ways (like him entering a new relationship). Hopefully we will all find someone better than our exes. And if not, I’m sure that we will find a way to be happy with ourselves and our lives anyway. You are strong and I know that you can get through this!
@hangers – I’m very proud of you and so glad that things are good between you and your ex. Maybe not wanting to talk to him for a while is a sign of moving on, I guess time will tell! You’re a very strong person as well :’)Thanks sunshineflower. I know that you’re right deep down. But at the moment there is no way that my ex wants me back. I’m not expecting to hear from him in years either. Although I would still love to reconnect I know that it’s not the right time for us at the moment. We still need to do some healing and growing up.
I know that everything could change in the blink of an eye, so in two years absolutely everything will be different. But at the moment, this is the only way I can think to deal with everything that has been happening. I think, if my ex were to actually contact me, then I would reply to him. But I know that’s unlikely, so I’m just saying that I’m not going to contact him for ___ amount of time. Idk if my feelings for him will change in that time… they probably will but that may be a good thing. If he is really the one for me, then I will still feel the urge to re connect with him so far in the future. He may find someone perfect for him, and if he does I will be happy for him, and I won’t burden him with having to talk to me and relive his past or anything.
Maybe one day soon I will change my mind and feel like speaking to him again. I just don’t want to push him away any more than I already have. It feels as though he hates me, and doesn’t even want to talk to me in a few years. I made a fool of myself and asked him for a hug. Although he didn’t flat out say no, he just made a ehhhh sort of sound like ‘Would that really be right?’ But I still felt really pathetic that I actually asked and I was crying.
If everything changes then there’s nothing that I can do. Hopefully if he has kids or settles down with someone else, that will be enough time for me to heal and get over him completely. But I believe that if he is really the one for me, then we will be able to reconnect when we are both ready. I don’t know if he will have kids, or get married because that’s not really what he wants and he is still really young. But idk.
I do agree with what you said, but at the moment this just seems like my easiest way of dealing with it. I say that I’m not going to talk to him for years but the truth is I will probably say happy birthday to him & everything. May even try to reconnect with him then. We will see!! But I think for now, I am okay with not being together. I’m becoming more happy with myself and my life is very exciting at the moment. For now, my No Contact is for a few years but I may reduce that and contact him when I feel ready. If we both have relationships that make more of an impact than that one, then I think that’s just life and it will mean that we were clearly not meant to be. I don’t think that my ex would ever just forget about me… We had so much time together and it was really strong. Those feelings will definitely fade in a few years, but that’s kind of what I want because I don’t want to feel so emotionally connected to him when I try to re-establish a relationship with him (whether it’s a romantic or platonic one).
Deep down I still hope that he will contact me and be feeling down or something and need my support. But I can’t focus on things like that or wish for them – because they may not happen. At the moment, the healthiest option for me is to move on with me life and try not to worry about what he is doing. If he comes back, then that will be great. And if not, then hopefully I will okay with that too.
But I really appreciate your advice and it has definitely given me something to think about. I don’t think that I won’t contact him for YEARS that’s a bit of an overstatement on my part. I’m just going to leave it the longest possible time so that I don’t push him further away. Hopefully he will miss me eventually and will try to reconnect with me. I hope that makes sense?Sorry!! I’ve just noticed that your username is Hangers, not Bangers. That little H really looks like a B :p
Sri’s facebook profile is a picture of her and her friend 🙂 Hopefully you will be able to find her now?
It’s really great that we have each other to talk to. I’m not just saying that it means a lot, it really, really does. For some reason I can’t sleep tonight so I’ve just been trying to give people advice on these boards 🙂 I really hope that things work out for the best for everyone. I know what you mean!! I don’t really have anyone that I can think of that I could become friends with. A guy that I was sort of interested in going on a date with (nothing more really) now has a girlfriend so that was pretty disappointing. My biggest social event of the year (my friend’s birthday – he always has a big party) will be coming up in December so hopefully by then I will be really confident and happy and may be able to meet someone or at least make some new friends. Maybe we could travel together one day! That would be very cool :’) At the moment I’m not sure who I could travel with. I had planned to go on a tour some where with my ex… but I never got the chance to ask him! D: We hardly ever went on holidays together. I wish we had while we had the chance… But we need to live life with no regrets anymore. Going to Japan sounds sooooo exciting! My sister’s boyfriend has been there before and he really loves it, so they’re probably going to go back at some stage. I’d really love to go there with them!
I’m so happy that your ex asked about your exam and that he replied as well! It’s so cute that he was sad when you didn’t reply to him straight away (not because I want him to be sad – just that he was thinking of you and when you would reply!). I think asking him out after your exam could be a good way to go. You could start on rebuilding an attraction. But it just depends. You never know what will happen in a few weeks. I know what you mean about not missing ‘US’ anymore. I missed the ‘US’ between me and my ex for a very long time. In fact, it’s only in the last couple of days that I’ve been able to see things clearer and not miss that so much. I still miss HIM but not the relationship that we had. I know see that is in the past. And even if we have another chance some time in the future (which I’m starting to think is less and less likely) it won’t be the same relationship. It will be a completely new one. A different US. I know that he doesn’t miss being with me. He told me he was heart broken because he had to break my heart, but not because we’re not together. When he said this, it really stung me. But now I can see where he was coming from. It still hurts some times and I feel like crying a bit occasionally, but I think I’ve finally managed to accept the fact that he’s not in my life anymore and won’t be anytime soon.
So I’m still not going to contact him for a few years. His brother’s birthday is in November so I will contact his brother then. If I ever hear that his relationship has broken up, I will not say anything. I feel like it is not my place and that it will just seem like I am bragging or trying to steal him back. At the moment, I’m not comfortable with talking to him – mostly because it seems like he doesn’t want to speak to me… But also because of his new girlfriend. It’s not fair to try to get him back from her. I know that I would be really upset if my new boyfriend’s ex was hassling him. But maybe after my couple of years NC we will have grown and I will see him just as a friend. Maybe I will still love him more than ever. We won’t know until all that time passes. I think so much could happen between now and then. We never really know. And true love will always find a way! Love you too Moonbunny. I hope you have a great day!! I’ve had a really good day today and now I can’t sleep at all zzzzzz.PS: I hope you’re okay Sri and Bangers <3
It’s so hard knowing that they’re out there living their lives and just not contacting us!! I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m a wee bit lucky because I know for sure that I have to give up on my ex for now. You guys are still not so sure whether you should give up or not, and I think that is the hardest part about break-ups and NC and loving someone with all your heart. But you are both strong and you will be able to get through this.Hiya, sorry I haven’t replied for a couple of days. I’ve been thinking about everything.
I’m still thinking that my ex is probably in a rebound relationship. But even if he is, it’s time for me to move on. I need to start living my life and doing fun things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m going to start saving up money to pay off my student loan and then hopefully I’ll be able to save and go travelling.
It’s really hard to get up every morning as I always remember what has happened. Although, sometimes it still doesn’t really feel real. I think I’m in denial or something.
I really want to go on a date or something, probably nothing further. But there’s no one around here that I’m really interested in. As I live in a small town and know everyone already. Hopefully I’ll be able to meet some new people some how. My ex did say ‘You wouldn’t believe how many new people I’ve met in the last few months’ – I just wish I was the same.
@tropica I think you need to focus on yourself now. I know it is so so so hard without your ex and you will feel really empty without them. But the thing is, if you don’t start doing things to make yourself happy and move on then they will see that you are miserable. I had to admit to my ex that why he was out having fun and meeting new people, I had been lying in my bed crying and thinking about him for two months. The only way we can get through all this pain is to find things that we enjoy and distract ourselves. At the moment, even if I’m not busy I’ve been watching TV shows that I really love and I’ve been listening to music. Sometimes the music reminds me of my ex and I cry for a little bit, but I think that’s okay and very natural as you have to truly feel things.
I really hope your ex changes your mind. Good luck with your NC my dear. It’ll be a very hard time but the most important thing is that you focus on yourself and not him. Now is the time where it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.
@moonbunny I just want to thank you so much for always being here <3 I really hope that you can add Sri on Facbeook and then she can send me your name and I’ll add you. I don’t know what I would have done without your support for the last few weeks. It really does help just to express everything that I’m feeling and have someone that understands and really listens.
But I think your plan is a really good one. We have to go on living our lives wether our exes are there or not. My heart has moved on as well, as I don’t have any other option. There is no way I can force my ex to love me again. So for now, I have to move on. I still feel as though I will talk to him in a couple of years but maybe when the time has passed I will no longer feel like doing that anymore. I’m not feeling as hurt as I was when I first found out. Because I understand that people do different things to get past the hurt and the emotions and I can’t hold that against him. I can’t be bitter because ultimately it’s his life. It is really sad that he doesn’t really care what I’m thinking of him or what I’m doing anymore. But there’s no way I will be out of his thoughts completely and I think that in a few years he will probably wonder how I’m doing.
I’m sooooo excited that your ex texted you!!! Although we probably shouldn’t get our hopes up just in case. It’s really strange how you didn’t receive it for a while!! Maybe he will just think that you’ve been super duper busy, which can’t be a bad thing. I really hope that you can reconnect with him my dear, let me know if he replied to your reply!! :’)
