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I don’t think you should tell her that you don’t want to be just friends. Just say that you’re not going to talk to her for a while as you need to get over the hurt caused by the breakup. Say that you have been happy to be there for her and support her, but now you need some time to heal by yourself. Then take the 30 day NC period and see how you feel after that. If you still have feelings for her and want to make it work, initiate contact again and go through the steps of the program and tell her that you don’t want to be just friends etc. (Although if I remember correctly one of the steps is to actually just become their friend and support them so..). By this time, you will hopefully be able to accept the fact that she may not want to get back together, but if she does then it will be great and everything will have worked perfectly.
Of course, I’m not an expert and this is just my idea on how you should handle things. Ultimately it is up to you! (Also I hope that this made sense?)…Another thing to consider is the fact that you’re already in the friend stage with her and maybe need to implement the bliss reminders etc. to get her reattracted to you? But I definitely think that a NC period is important for any relationship just because it will give YOU the space to heal a little bit and it will give her the space to miss you.
Hmm. I think no contact still applies to short-term relationship as well, but it’s so hard to know what to do when she’s still being friendly towards you & I’m sure it feels good to be there for her when she says that she’s feeling depressed. I know that NC works quite well, but not in the sense that you think… When I did full-on NC with my ex, I actually realized that I didn’t miss him that much at all and was able to move on. I know obviously that’s not what you want to hear, but I think the main point of no contact is that you get yourself into a better headspace to deal with the fact that they still might not want to be together if you try to reconnect.
You could just try being friends for a month, but I’m not sure that would be as effective as no contact is in terms of trying to make her miss you and the connection that you had. However, in my opinion, it does sound as though she is still interested and maybe just felt rushed during your relationship. I don’t know what your best action will be now, but possibly just take things one day at a time. You could just try being friends with her and hoping that it develops into something more, but like you said, maybe you’ve been ‘friendzoned’. I really hope not, and I hope that things work out for you. I wouldn’t give up all hope yet… If I truly wanted to break up with someone I wouldn’t invite them to things with mutual friends and the like. Good luck!I think your best option is to just send her a quick email saying happy birthday. If she replies in a positive manner then send her flowers and a card. You shouldn’t have to pay $13k to win someone’s heart – she might just take the bangles and then not speak to you again. If you think things are going well, you could ask her in another email if she received the flowers and then go from there. It all sort of depends on how she responds to you. Good luck!
Hey moonbunny! Sorry I’ve taken so long to reply 🙂
I have received your email! Which you will know by now haha.
I don’t really know what else to say about my ex. I’m trying as hard as I can to forget about him now. I think I might know where he moved to but I don’t really care at the same time. I still think of him and cry to myself sometimes but I’m trying harder and harder to forget about him. Anyway, I’ll email you? Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you on there as well! You should try and look up my email address on Facebook? 🙂Oooh and yes, I admit that my ex relationship was very exciting, but it wasn’t exactly healthy and I’m so glad that I’ve finally come to terms with that fact!
I think that is kind of the same for me. It took me a long time to realize this though. My ex and I had a very up and down relationship as well. When we first broke up I was absolutely committed to getting him back. I spoke to him a few times after NC and he told me that we could meet up at New Year’s to see how we were feeling about one another and give us another go. I believed him on this, and continued working on myself. Then I found out that he was with someone else. This broke my heart. He came round to my house and we fought about it. It was only after that I finally began to let him go. I’m not contacting him at all anymore, and if I ever do it won’t be until a few years for now when I’m not feeling so emotionally attached to everything. I love him with my whole heart but I’ve accepted that things just weren’t right between us and I don’t know why I held on to it for so long. My life feels so much lighter now and I look forward to the day when I can put him behind me once and for all and embark on a new relationship with someone else. 🙂
I’ve taken a few days break! I’m quite proud of myself. I think I’ve finally started to think about other things rather than my ex all the time. So it’s really good. Like I’ve said to a few people, I can’t remember if it was on here but it looks as though he has moved on physically and to the rest of the world. He has a new girlfriend, he is moving houses and “moving on” but it kind of just feels like he is keeping up appearances. Of course, I don’t know that for sure and I shouldn’t assume anything but it seems like he’s doing it all for show so it seems as though he has truly ‘moved on’. However, I know he still holds so much anger in his heart about something that happened during our relationship. BUT I think I have moved on emotionally. While no one on the outside can see this, my state of mind and my way of thinking have changed and I have moved on in that sense. But because you can’t see my moving on physically and the public can’t see it, it feels as though I haven’t. But I know deep down that I have let him go. Of course, I still have him in my heart and would love for us to get back together but I’ve accepted the fact that that probably will never happen now and I’m feeling happier and happier each day I think of him less. Hopefully this way of thinking will last. Sometimes I have bad days where I just feel so sad and like crying. But I think that’s okay and very natural. It’s very therapeutic to get the tears out sometimes.
I looked at my phone and my ex had actually text me about this refrigerator. I’d really prefer it if he hadn’t. The text was so casual and kind of mean and uncaring that it just broke my heart to think that he just didn’t care anymore. I don’t want to look or think about that message. It was in deep contrast to the one he sent my mum regarding the same topic – that one was really polite. I just wish that he wasn’t so distant seeming. It makes me feel so sad. I get that he doesn’t want me to think he wants to get back together, but I’ve accepted that fact now. He doesn’t have to act like a robot so that I back off :/ I wish he could just be a real person towards me instead of someone I don’t even know.
I was afraid of losing my ex as well and became ‘TOO AVAILABLE’. In the end it just meant that I was too worried about everything to actually enjoy our time together and I really regret that. I would get jealous of his friends and feel like he was replacing me with them even though I KNEW that wasn’t the case and I KNEW I shouldn’t make a big deal out of everything. I understand why he said our relationship wasn’t healthy but I really thought that it could’ve become something so much more if he was willing to put in effort. But he was tired of putting in effort and getting nothing back. He tried so hard to make me happy but it never worked because I was still worried about things. That wasn’t his fault at all – that’s just the way that I’m wired. I just hope that he wasn’t miserable as I feel like I accidentally made him be someone that wasn’t truly himself. Even though it was his choice, I still feel so much guilt about this. Love doesn’t come with instructions and if they did, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be worth it and we would probably find some other ways to mess it up! Love isn’t supposed to be easy. But I think I was making it way to hard on me and my ex. And now it’s too late to make it any easier for the both of us.
I agree completely! IT is so important that we now work on ourselves and find ourself again. Because we both focused too much on our exes during our relationships we lost ourselves. It’s important to find who we really are and think about what we truly love outside of our relationships as well. That’s the only way that relationships work – if you have outside interests and other things going on in your life then it’s easier to only focus on your relationship and the other person when you need to??? If that makes sense. Either way, I think it’s important that we work on ourselves if we’re single, in a relationship with some one else or back with our ex.
I truly did feel like the love between my ex and I was so sweet and pure. We loved each other no matter what and it was such an important love. It was the first time I had fallen in love, and I will take that with me until the end. He has definitely shaped me into the person that I am today. I am forever grateful for how much more confident I am after going out with him. I miss our connection but I’m glad that we had it for a short while anyway. I look at people on facebook and see that they have been together for ages and I get really jealous. I wish that my ex and I had worked out for longer. It seems like our time together was so brief (2 and a quarter years) but it always seemed like a long time when we were still a couple. I’m quite sad that our time together was so brief but maybe that’s all what got and I really wish that I had made the most of it, instead of worrying and obsessing all the time.
I 100% believe in fate and I feel like my ex will think of me one day and maybe he will regret trying to hurt me and make me hate him. But I have to move on one day and what he doesn’t realize is that I’m not going to wait around for him forever. I think he believes that I’m just waiting for him to change his mind and come back, but I’m not doing that anymore! I don’t even care what he is up to. I’m thinking about him less and less and I’m kind of glad that he has moved houses because now I can’t imagine him lying in his bed in the little house he lived in etc. I think I might know where he has moved to, but I don’t care! I’m not going to think about it. The one thing I dread is runnning into him at a shop or something. I used to get excited about the thought but now I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep my cool and will burst into tears. Especially if he is with his new gf. But hopefully I’ll manage to keep it together. I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it. I may never see him again! 🙁
You’re really great at motivating me moonbunny! It’s so nice to feel like someone is in the some position. And that some one TRULY UNDERSTANDS that I don’t want to move on and I’m not going to give up on my ex. I mean, I have given up on him for now, but he is forever in my heart and I love him, just like you love your ex. Everyone else tells me that he is an asshole and that I should forget all about him – but that’s impossible! He was such a big and important part of my life and he will always be there as he has helped to shape my life to what is is now and I’m grateful. No one else except you and Sri get that So I’m so happy to have you both in my life! 🙂I’m so glad that your ex is in contact with you and you have a positive relationship forming 🙂 You could be on the path to reconciliation!! But just focus on your exam, I’m not sure what date it was? And everything will unfold as time goes on. I’m sure t hat he sees you are not so desperate and that you are moving forward with your life and that’s really great! I’m so proud of you. I don’t want to get your hopes up too much, of course, but I truly feel like he still cares for you and is interested in how your exam goes. It’s so sweet to think that he has checked the calender 🙂
I’m not so sure that Kevin replies to many of his emails 🙁 try to look up sri’s details again? I don’t know why I could find her so easily and you can’t!! It would be so cool to connect with you on there. But I’m not comfortable writing my name on here. I know that’s kind of silly but nevermind! Love you moonbunny! Hope you’re staying strong <3 (I’m sure you are!)
Sri – I’ll talk to you on facebook! I’m glad you’re getting rid of those creepy guys! That’s the last thing we need in our lives 🙂Sri idk if you have to change them, because I found you really easily? Hopefully she will be able to find you soon <3
Aw it’s okay moonbunny! You don’t have to rush back here for me!!! I know that you’re trying not to think about your ex and this is definitely a space that will bring back thinking of him. And I think it’s really important that you do cry and think of him sometimes but I don’t want to hinder the process of moving on for you. So just come on here when it feels right and when you’re in a headspace where you might think of him?? I think it’s wonderful that he is tagging you in videos. At least he is thinking of you, and in a positive light as well. I still feel as though my ex hates me :'(
I felt as though things had been getting better in my relationship just before we broke up as well? Like I’ve said before, he got me chocolate hearts and picked me up from work. And we had an absolutely perfect weekend the weekend before our argument that tore us apart. It just seems like he is focused on that argument and he doesn’t care about any of the good times that we had before that. Maybe one day he will finally see past the negativity. I can only hope so.
I personally don’t think that my ex is moving on in a healthy way. And if he is now moving in with his girlfriend then I don’t know what to say? But it all seems very rushed and like they’ll find out things that they don’t like about each other because you can’t know someone that well in just a few weeks or months. I honestly don’t know how long they’ve been together now (Which I guess is a good thing). He has been throwing himself into drugs and alcohol as well – which is never a healthy thing to do. So I worry for him and I feel as though he is screwing up his life. But there is nothing I can do to change his mind. He wants to go out and have this ‘crazy’ lifestyle and live his life without anything tying him to me. And all I can do is let him do that. If we are truly meant to be together then we will be together again in the future – and I will be stronger because of this heartbreak. Either that or I will find someone that’s far more worth my time. I know that my ex is really problematic and has his issues but love is blind and sometimes during our relationship I couldn’t see past the love filter and into who he really was. Maybe he wasn’t “good” for me, and I’ve been thinking more and more that we will probably never be together again – but I really hope that one day we can at least talk and maybe be friends. He is one of the most honest people I know and I would like to think that we could just have a raw and honest conversation without it affecting us emotionally once we have both got passed the hurt of the past. He will always be a part of my heart and I really value our time that we had together. He has made me the person that I am today. I am ten times more confident than what I was before we starting going out, so I definitely owe him for that. I hope he knows that he truly affected my life in a good way and I hope that he thinks the same about me. I will never regret the time that we spent together. And while I hope that our time isn’t completely up, I’m starting to accept the fact that he may be.
I’m trying to just relax and be cool and not speak to him about moving. I have to be cool like the Fonz (Kevin said this in one of his emails). Then if I hear from him in the future that will be great! And if not, hopefully I will have moved on and will be strong enough to live without him in my life. I got to go shopping yesterday so that was really nice (Unfortunately I heard about him moving AFTER I finished shopping so it wasn’t retail therapy!) But I had a nice day out with my mum at least. I truly do feel like I am moving on with my life more and more. I’ve now accepted the fact that we will not be together soon. Or maybe even ever. I’m trying to keep him out of my mind, but when things remind me of him then I try and smile and think of how lucky I was to have such a true and pure love. Some people never get to experience that feeling so I truly feel grateful. I will definitely listen to the Kodaline song! I love that band so I’m sure I’ll really like it 🙂
I’m not leaving for about a year or so. I’ve got to save up all my money. I’m going to try and live there 🙂 I realize that you are right about not saying goodbye! Maybe if I leave without saying goodbye to him he will realize that he has really lost me for good. I will move back to this country one day though. I’m going to live overseas only for a couple of years (Well I guess we’ll see what happens – I might fall in love with someone else over there). Time will tell if I contact him before I leave. As I said, I’m not leaving for a year or so. He could contact me in this time. I saw a picture on facebook that said something about someone’s ex texting them and they were like ‘Not today Satan.’ Which really sucks because I don’t feel that way about my ex and I would be really happy if he ever contacted me again :/ But I hate to think that he thinks of me as ‘Satan’. I don’t know. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if I contact him. But then again, he might not want to contact me as he will think I’m getting my hopes up about getting back together. So I don’t know. Maybe I will never contact him again in my life. But that just seems so impossible right now!!
I don’t know any more about where he is moving, but I think it’s in the same area still. As he moved yesterday but he is helping my sister’s bf move this fridge on next Saturday. So he must be close still. I think he may even be still in the same town. If he tells my sister’s bf then that’s cool, and if he doesn’t say anything it’s probably because he doesn’t want me to know and I have to respect that as well. It’s just so weird to think that I won’t be able to picture him in his little house that he was living in. That was going to be the house that we lived in together :'( It’s also weird, because that fridge was the only thing that he had left to connect us. He has no pictures or letters or anything that I’ve given him to remind him of me. The fridge was the only thing left (I think). I did give him some notes that he tried to give me when I picked up my stuff from his house. But I think he will have thrown them away. Especially as he has moved and will have sorted out his drawers and everything. I don’t know. I still don’t know how I feel about him moving. I guess I don’t feel anything. I shouldn’t have to feel anything. Maybe that’s why I’m so confused. Because I kind of don’t care. I’m just curious where he is moving and I was hoping that he wasn’t 6 hours away which I don’t think he is so that has given me a bit of peace of mind.
I think that it’s the memories of my ex that I miss too. He isn’t the same person now that I fell in love with. I’m still in love with the past time. The one that was so sweet to me. He has been so polite to my mum about her picking up this fridge etc. which is good. That’s just what he’s like though. Which is why I was so sad and confused when he said nasty things to me. I really want him to feel as though he has lost me. Maybe he will ask how I am to my sister’s bf. I know that if he doesn’t then he will at least be wondering. But now that is the last thing that he had connecting us together. He’s not even going to be living at a house that I’ve been to. It’s very strange. I find it so hard to imagine how he finds it easy to make such big changes in his life so quickly. I wish it seemed as though I was moving on as much as him. I haven’t made such big changes but maybe I have in my mindset and way of thinking. It’s just that he doesn’t know that and he can’t see that. Maybe he will never see that. I don’t know if he will ever give me a chance in the future to see that I have really changed and that I know I can live without him, but still want him? Who knows. Time is the only healer and the only thing that will bring answers to me now. Oh my dear! Please keep focusing on your exam and your study! I don’t want you to be on here when you’re meant to be studying. Don’t worry about me :’) I’m feeling a bit better. It is really nice to hear from you but I won’t die if I have to wait a few days for your reply. It would make me feel much better to know that you are studying to pass your exam! It is wonderful to have you hear moonbunny! I can’t wait until you get my email! 🙂 <3Yeah, I think it’s a good idea to get everything off your chest before it’s too late. Then, unfortunately maybe you should try moving on ): I feel like I have to move on as well now. I can’t do it and I haven’t even had the chance to say everything that I wanted to but there’s no way he will listen to me now. At least you’re on speaking terms with your ex and she may listen to what you have to say. She may just be confused, but it’s easier for you to let go before you realize you’ve held on for far too long – like I have. Good luck! I’m sorry she cancelled.
I think that’s good Wondering! It means she wants to spend more time with you than you had originally planned!! I hope it all goes well :)!!
All I really want is for him to hold me in his arms for a really, really long time. That’s the only thing that will help me get through this :'(
Also @moonbunny I haven’t got any concrete plans yet. I have to pay off my student loan and then save for a ticket etc. I’m probably going to live some where with my family not sure where yet though. I’m so glad that your ex tagged you in a video as well! That’s so cute!! I wish I was having as much success as you!! My ex and I aren’t even friends on Facebook 🙁 I’ve kinda given up hope now as it feels like he has completely moved on. My mum is questioning if he HAS moved on. But it definitely feels that way. Idk. I guess I won’t know for a very long time. All I know is that I hope in a few years, or even 10 years time that we can sit down and talk it all through. Because I know that I was his very first love. And he was mine. It’s just hard to accept the fact that we may not be the love of each other’s lives… I certainly miss him and I hope he thinks of me and doesn’t forget me like it feels he will. Love you moon bunny <3 thank you for being here for me.
Aw yay! I’m glad to see you here. I’ve missed you!! Please ask Kevin for my email? I don’t really know how that works but hopefully you will be able to find my picture!! I was going to put my name on here but then I realized that anyone could add me and say that they’re you 🙁 So I’ll just wait.
I’ve been working really hard on coming here less too. I still check maybe once a day just to see if you’ve replied and I sometimes comment on a few things as well because I really want things to work out for people better than they have for me.
I guess I’m glad that my ex (I just wrote bf ;___; maybe I still of him in that way, it’s just automatic for my brain). and I broke up before we had actually moved in together. I was going to move in with him soon and I guess it’s good that he it happened before all my stuff were in there as it would have just made everything so much harder! Maybe he never really loved me, but I know that he did. It truly does feel like he has moved on but I guess I’m not going to know for ages. I have to look at it this way and feel like he has. Otherwise I just hope that this is his way of dealing with it and numbing his emotions. He is not the type of person to sleep around, which I know is why he is in a relationship with someone. Maybe they will only be together for a little while. Only time will tell. Maybe if things fall apart for him in that respect he might realize that he has lost me. Hopefully then I will be far away and couldn’t care less, but unfortunately I know that I will always care what he is up to.
I found out today that my ex is actually moving. I have no idea where he is moving to – just that it’s with other people. I only know because he has messaged my mum as he has my grandad’s old fridge and was asking if we wanted it back. I don’t really know how I feel about the situation. I don’t know if I’m really sad about it or if I’m sort of relieved that he won’t be around the corner. If he still has the same job then he will only be moving somewhere around the area. It’s likely he may have quit his job and be moving into the city to do drugs more every night -_- I’m not sure but I really hope that’s not the case. I worry about him. I know it’s not really my place to worry and that he wouldn’t want me to worry about him but I do. I still love him so much tbh. That’s not going to stop. If he isn’t round the corner then I know that I won’t be able to run round to his house if I’m ever in a crisis. I know that it’s not recommended but I know he would be here for me and it’s just comforting to know that he would be there. Now I have no idea where he is going to live. He may be moving in with his gf which I feel is way too fast but I can’t judge. I hope things don’t work out between them which is really mean. I just hope that he isn’t moving 6 hours away or anything…. I’ve been kinda hoping that before I leave the country that I could say goodbye to him 🙁 but if he is far away then I will never get the chance. I don’t know how I feel about it it’s cutting me up a bit. My sister’s bf may be going to get the fridge off him but I’m not sure. My ex might tell him where he’s moving but I’m not sure I will want to know. I can’t remember if I said everything that I wanted to say about this! Haha. I wish I could text and ask him where he is moving but I don’t want to be nosy and I have vowed myself to silence. :((( If anyone has any thoughts on what I should do next then that would be great.
