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Hi
You need to buy a book called Attached. It’s by Amir Levine and Rachel (something).
It’s about attachment styles and is brilliant. I’ve been reading it the last few days and it’s changed the way I view everything. I’ve learnt more about myself reading this than anything. And you will understand your ex relationship.Also try and learn from this relationship.
For the first 2 years of my relationship my ex in sone ways kept me at arms length and acted stupid at times. That never left my mind and even though he changed I never really trusted him and I often doubted his feelings which in turn caused a lot of our arguements which is why we broke up.
In your next relationship be honest and open from the start.Hi, I know you can’t see it at the moment but this is for the best.
Your ex has sent a lovely message to your friend explaining clearly the reasons why she doesn’t want to be with you. She has no ill feelings towards you and knows it’s best for the both of you. She has also explained that her recovery is ultimately the most important thing.
You have to respect her decision and her reasons.
Please do not respond to her or try and talk to her anymore. I think she has made herself clear and there is no going back.
She will pay the money back wen she can and she’s probably not bothered about her other stuff.
Please, if you genuinely care about her, and care about yoyr self leave it now and start moving on.
NC should be a permenant thing for now, and not just until you think she will come back.
You need to heal and move your life forward.Please just try and calm down. You have to leave him alone for now.
All of this only happened yesterday and you are panicking. He is probably unbelievably angry at the moment and the fact he has blocked you from everything means he doesn’t want any contact, for the moment at least.
Go NC straight away and sort your own head out first.
No good at all will come of you attempting anything.
Please do not go to his home or workplace it will cause irreparable damage.Another story how NC works.
I had a 2 year relationship and we had lived together.
He ended it and I moved out. For the first couple of weeks I text him and kept asking him yo reconsider, he said no it was for the best. I got a friend yo text him and he still said no. So I stopped go tactics him and started to move on.
A few weeks later he text me and asked if I wanted to be friends, I said no. In the few werks of NC I realised we were not tight for each other.
He then text me every couple of werks for a couple of months,I responded friendly. And about 4 or 5 months after he ended it he text and said he had made a big mistake.
I had moved on and didn’t want to get back with him. That is why NC and how you behave after a breakup is so important.
He still contacted me occasionally 5 years after he broke up with me!!I will tell you how it feels being the dumper….
Years back i started seeing someone, I realised after a few months that he wasn’t right for me so I called him and told him I dust feel he was right for me long term.
He didn’t take it well and harassed me for 6 weeks! He called me about 20 times when I was out with friends, threatened to turn up where I used to go out. Text me that he loved me, then text that he hated me. Kept texting and calling etc. It drive me mad! I nearly called the police!
He eventually stopped and I was so relieved. He text me 6 months later, I ignored him.
He then contacted me about a year after, I responded to his text, he asked me out for dinner, I said no. I was with the boyfriend I have just broken up with but even if I hadn’t been I wouldn’t have gone out with him again, firstly because he wasn’t right for me but mainly because of his behaviour when I broke up with him. If he had left me alone and I had been single I may have met him as a friend but he ruined any chance by not leaving me alone.Please stop doing this to yourself, like I said it takes time to fully recover from a breakup but it’s been 6 months and you don’t sound like you have moved on at all.
When you gave your ex money you should have made it clear how it was given. If it was a gift then you shouldn’t be asking for it back, if it was a loan then it should be paid back. But it can’t be a gift when you are together and change when you break up.
My ex paid £7000 towards the holiday we had 2 months before we broke up, I owed him £400 go my small contribution buy he hasn’t asked for anything back. He paid for our holiday because he wanted to and no other reason.
I don’t understand why you think driving to her neighbourhood was a good idea, she has blocked you on all social media, won’t take your calls and doesn’t respond to your text so why would she want to see you? You probably are now coming across as a stalker and that will scare her.
I would never involve anyone else in my breakup, my friends and family of course know we have broken up but if they saw him they wouldn’t mention me. They would set hello to him and keep conversation neutral. I still have my exs aunt on Facebook as we get on well but we never talk about him.
Your ex is going through rehab, that must be hard enough for her and I can imagine the only thing on her mind is recovery. The last thing she will want is to have to deal with other stress.
You sound like you are obsessed with her. Deciding where you will live based on someone who you are not with anymore and who won’t talk to you isn’t right. I live 2 minute drive from my ex and would never go round to his.
In fact l avoid anywhere he may go! If I saw him im sure it will be a shock but it would be a shock for him too. I would say hello and walk on.
Everyone wants closure in a relationship but if someone breaks up with you thats closure. My relationship ended during an arguement so it was bad but when we last text 7 werks ago he told me he would always love and care for me but it is what he wants.
That was closure for me, I won’t beg someone to be with me, I want someone who happily wants me and not forced.
I am still using his netflix account though! Lol.
Ask yourself why you would take someone back that caused you pain.It sounds like you are romanticising the relationship, there’s a reason it ended. Think logically as to why it didn’t work.
Have you thought about having therapy, it may help. As I said before this is so damaging to you.Take control of the situation.
I would decide firstly what you want to do about your money, and I believe you said you still had some of her things. If you want your money back ask her to either pay it all back at once or ask for a certain amount a month to be transferred to you. Explain those are the 2 options and thats it. If she pays monthly don’t contact her each time she pays you.
Ask her what she wants to do with her things you have. Again tell her she has a week to arrange for someone to collect for her or you will throw away. If she has blocked you on all social media you have no choice but to text. Don’t ask anything personal, or how she is. Don’t suggest meeting or talking.
You don’t need to be horrible or cold but be direct.
Don’t even think about speaking to her friends or trying to see them. It will make you look so desperate and a little like a stalker. My friend sometimes goes into the pub my ex drinks in, they say hello and have a brief conversation but never mention me……don’t involve anyone else.
I know it sounds harsh but you have to start taking control of the situation. Not for any other reason but to gain some strength in yourself.
Honestly I know how difficult breakups are but you will recover and move forward. Your emotions will go up and down but being in contact and waiting for her to come back will destroy you.
My ex literally lives a 2 minute drive from me and im sure I will bump into him one day but I will be strong enough to deal with it. I deleted my exs number today and I feel empowered!
They say time is a healer but I think we heal ourselves too.
This is way too messy to resolve and im sorry but if im brutally honest I think too much has happened for it to work now. Be strong!Hi
The money I owed my ex was from a holiday we went on 2 months before we broke up. If he asked for it back I wouldn’t be offended as I owed it to him. I would try and pay it back all at once, if I couldn’t I would just pay in instalments but I wouldn’t make a fuss. If you decide to tell her not to pay the money back make sure you stick to that decision and don’t then ask for it back another time.
Yes I still miss my ex sometimes, yesterday I felt a little down and had a cry because I missed the good things. Today I feel ok again. That’s why breaking contact and healing is so important. I know that my feelings will be like this for a while and I accept that but I don’t act on it.
Everyone hurts when a relationship ends, there’s a loss of someone in life. It’s compared to the grief of a death. Don’t feel you have to fight your feelings of sadness, go with it. Sometimes they come out as anger but don’t act on it.
Do you think it could be that you feel rejected more than anything?
I know how hard you are finding this but as we keep saying you have to cut any type of contact. Delete her from Facebook,Instagram even delete her number. Stay away from anywhere you know she will go.
Keep going out on dates with other girls. Make a good life for YOU! You owe it to yourself!I really think that you need to cut all contact, this sounds really unhealthy. It sounds like you are both damaging each other by trying to maintain normal contact.
Do you really need your money back? If not, just tell her not to worry about paying you back and leave it.
I owed my ex £400 when we broke up and he hasn’t asked for it back.
I do really feel for you because breakups are difficult but so much has now happened between you that it may be irreparable.
Could you imagine how difficult a relationship with each other would be like after all of this. There would be so many issues and how could you ever completely put the past behind you?
Maybe sometime in the future after complete no contact and moving on from the mess, you could be friends.
No, I wouldn’t contact my ex now. I have no idea what I would say to him, and I don’t think I could be with him again. Like I said before, I’ve started to untangle what went wrong and im some ways he treated me badly and I deserve better.
I’m actually looking forward to starting fresh with someone and having none of the old issues I had with my ex.
It’s a really positive step that you have been out with other girls. You had a great time, surely that feels nicer than all the conflict with your ex. Just go out on dates with girls and have fun and you will naturally fall into a happier and healthier relationship in time.
Why is your ex so special that it’s worth all of the drama? Honestly when I read your posts I can feel how tortured you are.
Please for your own sanity stop all of this now.Hi, I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. Like I said before its perfectly normal to go through a range of emotions over time.
My ex doesn’t do any social media so I’ve not had to think about blocking him. We are both on whatsapp and I did go through a phase of checking his last seen but stopped as seeing what time he was last online made me over think and I realised it didn’t mean anything.
I still have his number and I haven’t blocked him, I will delete him eventually. I have no idea if he has my number still.
When people go through breakups both feel the hurt and the sadness. We think they walk away and felt nothing but everyone just deals with things differently.
I had a little contact the first week of my breakup as I had things at his flat. He asked me to give him time and he might meet up. I only left him alone for a couple of weeks and started texting him,just friendly text but after a couple of weeks he asked me not to contact him as we were not getting back together. I was heartbroken all over again but I immediately left him alone and went completely NC. That’s 6 and 4 days ago.
Im honestly so glad I did it, firstly, the first 2 weeks I did NC was nowhere near long enough, people haven’t even started to heal or sort their head out in 2 weeks and secondly, I feel completely different now than I did then.
NC gives you time to sort out your feelings and thoughts on the relationship, maybe write down the things you loved about your ex and the things you didn’t. Also be realistic about whether things are deal breakers.
I know there are things I really didn’t like and wouldn’t want to go back to. My feelings have changed so much I don’t want to contact my ex. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss some things but im now happier without the things I didn’t like. I realised I wasn’t happy for a while, maybe a year! But it’s hard to admit that and it’s not until you are out of something you can see these things.
Since my breakup my confidence has come back, I’ve been socialising more, joined a gym, had a haircut and generally am much happier. All positive things!
It’s great you are going out on dates, just enjoy getting to know new people. Have fun and don’t worry about whether things will go anywhere. You will probably look back in time and wonder why you spent so much time on all of this. I know breakups are horrible but there are lots of people our there for you.Hi, I would recommend carrying on NC. I’ve been NC for around 45 days now, I’ve not heard from my ex but ive realised that time with no contact is the best thing. You both need time to get your head around the breakup and to start healing.
Depending on the reason for breakup there’s a lot of hurt on both sides and feelings take time to settle.
How I felt at day 7 is very different to how I feel now and have little desire to contact my ex.
Hold on for as long as you can, he may contact you.
Feeling will still be raw at the moment.Hi, I completely agree with TLV.
I’ve read all of your posts and can feel how much pain and how desperate you are. It’s been going on for months and you are torturing yourself.
I know how difficult a breakup is, my boyfriend broke up with me 11 weeks ago and it’s been tough. I’m now on about 43 days no contact and my feelings still range from sadness to anger, but NC is the best thing to do.
What I have found is that NC makes you start to see things clearer. I blamed myself for everything when we broke up but now know that it takes 2 to make a relationship work and it’s not all my fault.
You really need to try and go complete NC, it will be difficult and you will have mixed emotions throughout the time. But it will help clear your head and you may even get to the point where you are happier and don’t want to contact your ex.
Your situation has been going on for months and it sounds so unbelievably stressful and honestly it sounds like you are torturing yourself.
I understand how you are feeling , but life is short and you have to be happy.
