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@ Chiaseeds-Being detached is good but thinking positive thoughts isn’t going to return an ex. That will only cause you to have false hope and then it’s devastating if you don’t get him back, making the situation worse for you.
Guys don’t think like us girls so that letter would have worked for a girl but not a guy lol. Glad you aren’t sending it! It would only push him away more and that’s the last thing you want. There is a chance that by January he will have gotten past his negative feelings so yeah I’d surprise him and see what happens. He hasn’t reached out to you at all?
oh God this is awful! Do NOT send your ex this letter. It is going to make him think you are weak and desperate. This is the kind of letter that you burn after you write it. Telling him that you love him over and over again will not do anything to help the situation. He knows that you love him and yet he still chooses to cut you out of his life. Treat him the way he is treating you. A month is a very long time to ignore a significant other. I’m guessing he thinks that he is single and used his cold-hearted actions to relay that message to you. Let him be. If he wants you, he will make it known.
I don’t see this guy coming back so I don’t want to give you false hope which is even more painful. If he can walk away from a long-term relationship and a marriage even though he has 2 kids with you, he’s not the right one. You should devote all your energy into making a life that would make you happy.
When his honeymoon period ends with her, he won’t return if he’s no longer in love with you. It’s hard to accept but it’s true. If the two of them don’t work out, then he’s likely to move on to another woman in search of his happiness. 9 years is a long time to be with someone so my guess is the problems in the marriage chipped away at your relationship until the negatives outweighed the positives in his eyes and made him fall out of love. And once a guy isn’t in love anymore, it’s like they have reached a point of no return.
Damn that sucks and I agree, it does sound pretty hopeless..I asked my man for input on this question..he says, If he’s happy and actually in love with the other woman, there’s nothing that can be done. I have a cousin that left his wife after 12 years and decided to make a new life with the new girl. His ex-wife also poured her heart out, begged him for counseling and pleaded that she would do anything to make it work. Nothing ever worked. If he’s in love with her, I think you should put the focus on you and not on how to get him back. The way you describe it sounds like they are really in love especially since he’s spending all his time with her instead of trying to repair your marriage. If he isn’t in love with you anymore, all you can do is accept that his feelings changed. Think about the reasons that may have contributed to the death of your marriage and improve those areas that you can control. And find ways to improve your life so you and the kids can be happy without him. What was making him so unhappy?
What gives you the impression that he is trying to fight feelings? If he is seeing someone, give that relationship time to play out before you try to ask for a meeting. A one word response or no response at all is a sign that he isn’t ready to meet up. Continue with NC. Trying to attempt a meeting when he isn’t ready for one is a recipe for a bad outcome.
@Kalicooldude, I don’t agree with Anthurium on sending your ex the bangles. She is just going to see it as a really pathetic attempt at trying to buy her love. I know because my ex sends me expensive things all the time and I give them to charity. I’d use the money that you were going to spend on the bangles on something awesome for yourself. I think you have done enough last ditch efforts.
When an ex truly cuts you out of her life, she won’t care if you make a goodbye gesture or if you disappear or not because you aren’t in her life anyways. To her, she’s emotionally detached from you and the relationship so it makes no difference on the things that you do. She doesn’t want to have a memento of you or the relationship because it will only be a reminder that you guys didn’t work out. That’s my perspective from dealing with an ex bf who refuses to let go even though it’s been ten years since we dated.
He expects you to text him-don’t do it!! Wait it out. A week isn’t a long time. And you are improving the situation by not texting him even if it doesn’t feel like it. Be patient. He will reach out when he misses you enough and realizes that you aren’t going to text him. He’s going to be wondering why not and he will be thinking about you a lot more. How long do the conversations that you initiate last? Does he flirt with you in his messages or is more platonic friendly messages?
By not texting him, you are showing him that you aren’t desperate for his love. And that you aren’t always going to be there waiting for him to be ready to try again. And when you aren’t a needy desperate ex, that’s when he begins to have fears that he’s going to lose you for good.
Alicia, Duh!! Even though a guy isn’t ready to go back into a relationship, he would still be initiating conversations. Most worrisome in your situation is that your ex is going to use you to move on if you are always initiating. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of my friends. If he’s not making any effort to start a conversation with you by taking 2 seconds out of his day/night, then you are likely headed to the dreaded friends zone. The way you get him to text you first is to sit on your hands and not text him when you have the urge to do it. He needs to miss you a lot more. If you are always initiating conversations, then he doesn’t get the chance to miss you enough and he always expects you to start a conversation through texting. Take away that security that you are there as a backup girl and you will see how he will begin to put in more effort.
“If I just don’t initiate..and he doesn’t initiate..then nothing happens. No progress. No moving forward. “ Just because you initiate conversations with him doesn’t mean that you are moving forward lol.Wow 4 months and she didn’t even say thx. Seems like she doesn’t want to revisit the past to fix things. This girl definitely sounds like she has moved on. I have an ex similar to you in my life. He sends me random messages, tries to deliver flowers and call me. He won’t give up even though it’s been years since we have been together!! But I’m so over him and I don’t reply to e-mail messages/calls/texts because I feel like I would lead him on and hurt him even further. I think your ex feels the same way. A girl will re-open her
her heart after a breakup but she definitely has to feel like the relationship is worth fighting for, she can see herself growing older with him and she’s got to madly be in love with him. Your ex sounds like she’s the opposite of all those things in that list so I wish you luck in moving on.If he still loves you and still sees the two of you getting back together, he WILL text. A guy that is still into a girl after a breakup and thinks of her in a gf capacity, will take the two seconds it takes to send a text. Even the busiest guys will send a text to a girl they want back.
He may care about you but is it enough to get back together? And if you keep initiating contact, you don’t give him a chance to put in even the slightest effort to make the first move. He’s a big boy. If he wants you, he will make time for you even if it’s just seconds out of his busy schedule to contact you first. Give it a try-he may surprise you.
‘hey, you said there wasn’t anyone else but i’m hearing different things and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt’. Would I just look crazy?
Yeah a tiny bit crazy but it’s okay. Everyone looks crazy at some point after a breakup. If he were in your position, would he text you something like that?
Hi HappyLady,
Ohhh he’s commitment phobic-sounds like he was hurt in the past and so he jumps relationships whenever he feels that the relationship is evolving to the next level. The new girl is in for a rude awakening at some point because he won’t last with her and whoever else comes along after. Not until he works through the issues that keep him from staying in a relationship. I highly highly highly doubt that he feels the same for her that he felt for you at this point. If he’s into the newness of a relationship, it will wear off and then he will either look inside himself and try to figure out where it all went wrong with you or he will naively live the commitment phobic lifestyle.Alicia, I don’t agree with Paulie. It does matter who sends the first text. Don’t initiate. Let him initiate. He will if he really misses you. If you keep texting him then he knows that he doesn’t have to put in any effort and knows that you are still waiting for him. So he can take his sweet time dating other people (if he hasn’t, he eventually will explore other girls since he knows you are right there as backup). Once he realizes that you aren’t texting him religiously like you have been, then he will wonder why not? Who have you been texting-could it be a new guy? Letting him initiate is the only way to know if he’s still interested. If you don’t hear from him, well then you have your answer. And in past breakups when I dumped someone, if an ex would text me on a regular basis without me ever initiating-I saw it as desperate. And that’s the last thing you want him to think.
