[Platinum]

Hey guys, my ex replied to my “how are you?” message a while ago 🙂 I asked him about his day and he made the same, but he was a little bit short on his answers.
Then he complimented me. He said “You look pretty good on your profile pic :)” to which I said “Thank you :$ You don’t look bad yourself too :)” Then it went on like:
Him: “^^ And the one in bikini looks good too 🙂 ”
Me: “Why, thank you. :$”
Him: “Why the shy icon? XD”
Me: “I’m not shy, I’m just blushing”
Him:”You dummy xD”
Me:”I’m no dummy :c”
Him:”Yesh yesh you are”
Me:”No no”
Him” 🙂 ”

An hour went by in silence, until I said I had to go to sleep.
What do you guys think? (Decent) opinions, anyone? 🙂

[Platinum]

I’m not sure if that makes much sense. Then if he takes a month to reply, I’ll only reply to him once a month is gone by? Won’t he withdraw further away?

You’re not violating anyone’s rules if you’re trying to help someone. It makes more than sense to post a link here because… well, you know, it’s obvious why. -.-‘

I think I’m just going to give him some space and not become an annoying fly going bzzz who won’t leave him alone. Then I’ll try to figure out some excuse to iniciate a conversation with him. 🙂

[Platinum]

Male perspectives are more than welcome here! I could really used them, since you guys probably know more about a man’s mind and actions than me. 🙂

I forgot to mention that he was quite happy to know of my progresses in college and my other progresses in life in general.
I left him my door open for whenever he needed support, help or even a shoulder to cry on, and he did the same. His mom is very sick, his cat nearly died but he’s recovering well, and he has quite a lot of work to do for college.
He was very playful and very nice to me when I talked to him. I made him quite at ease with me.

Now, I don’t know why he won’t reply to my messages. He replied to the first two, then he suddenly vanished. He’s online, but doesn’t reply to me. Like, what the heck is happening?
Is he feeling strange for all that talk? Is he busy? Maybe he is, but still replying wouldn’t take him that much tine.

I want to say that I’m seeing this as a negative thing, or that I’m in panic. In fact, this means that I might be half-way there, and that motivates me. I just want a clear and wise answer to my answers. 🙂

[Platinum]

He was playfully flirting with me. And he did show a little sign of jealously when he misunderstood something I said. He also said he kept the gifts I gave him and asked me if I kept his. He talked about stuff from the past too. I may have explained myself wrong, hahah.

He’s not replying to my messages now. He has quite a busy college life, like me, but his can be even busier. I’m pretty sure I replied to him that way he wanted. He said “Please, don’t think bad of me for keeping your pictures.” to which I said “No, no, it’s fine.” He was quite intimate with me and always apologizing after saying something more intense, to which I said “It’s okay, just relax” It felt like he was acting by impulse. He wasn’t shy about his arousal either, and I let him know that it’s fine. So, no, I don’t think he’s withdrawing because he didn’t get the response he wanted.

And yes, I’m pretty aware that if he wanted me back, he’d court me xD Like, obviously. I also think he’s testing me, but what is he exactly testing from me? He wants sex? Hmm, he knows me well enough to know that he doesn’t stand a chance with me without any emotional bond first, and honestly he’s not that kind of guy.

What I really want to know is how to react to his cold behavior in a way that doesn’t damage my progress. Do I cut on the number of messages I send? Do I go on NC for a day or two?

By the way, I asked him “Do you still have my number?” to which he said “Yes, I do :)” and the conversation went on like:

Me: “Okay then, I just wanted to know. You know, I could use receiving some texts messages about other than my academic life and other boring stuff :)”
Him (playfully): “How about receiving ‘show those boobs’? I’m kidding, I’m kidding, don’t take me wrong xD”.
I laughed (I mean, I had to, hahah) and here’s where he showed a little jealously 😛
Me: “Well, that’s possible xD”
Him: “Someone sent you that?! :S”
Me: “No!”
Him: “Oh, you scared me for a moment. :S”

[Platinum]

I think it’s still a little bit early for that, Wondering. You see, this was the second time we talked to each other after break up. I did 43 days of NC, but we broke up 2 months ago. I don’t know if he would agree for a meeting, I have no idea how he would react.

I don’t know how to react in a non-damaging way when he acts cold. One part of me wants to keep talking to him forever, like yesterday (he even fell asleep while talking to me, I had to be the one to send him to bed, hahah), and the other is scared of messing things up. I really need advice on how to address these behaviors.

[Platinum]

Hmm… Like I said, if I were your ex, I would like you to strike conversations with me because later I would feel confortable starting conversations with you. If she touches you all over, that could either be a good or a neutral sign. I mean, I touch my friends a lot, I love to be hugged, but that doesn’t mean I’m love with them or attracted xD I would actually restrain myself of hugging a guy I’m attracted to. But maybe that’s just me being shy and somewhat of a “classy girl”. Of course, when my ex started to touch me, I didn’t feel restrained at all, because he made the first move, and that was his way of saying “It’s alright” Do you see where I’m getting here?

But your ex may be different from me. Not all women are alike. Plus, she has a daughter. She loves her more than anything. If you can prove her that you can be an amazing father, maybe you can attract her. I repeat, I’m too young to deal with cases involving kids. This is just my opinion, I know nothing of parenthood.

[Platinum]

You’re welcome. 🙂 We’re all in this together. Anytime I have the chance to help someone, I do. I know how much it hurts not having anyone to answer your questions and help you with something as important as this. And most of the times, if you want to be helped by a “so called expert” you need to pay. Otherwise you’re risking yourself to talk to a wall.
I’m sorry, but my love isn’t expressed by money.

[Platinum]

I understand. The same thing happened with my ex. I wasn’t liking some of his behavior, so unconsciously I started to drift away from him. I thought he would sometimes put his friends above me, and I was very uncomfortable about it. I also felt he didn’t feel the same pain I felt when we had to be apart because we couldn’t be together for some time. All of that made me unconsciously start to drift from him. But I still loved him. In fact, it was that same love that made me hide away from him because I didn’t want to rock the boat.
Turns out I should have told him one more time, two more times, whatever, until he saw he was hurting me. He knew what I didn’t like, but he thought he was the best boyfriend ever (like I told him so many times) and so he didn’t feel the need to change. This could have happened to your ex, and she might have kept those things to her because she could be scared of rocking the boat or leaving you angry. Even though you think you did nothing, remember you’re not looking through her eyes and you can’t feel what she feels.

My ex was pretty caring and loving, though. It’s just that he could make a little more effort to come and see me. Anyway, that was not the reason why he broke up with me. And anyways, your ex might have problems inside her. She may just be reaching a situation where she sees love as a demon. The fact that she was unsuccessful before you is scaring her to death. It’s like not believing in love anymore. I too don’t know if I believe in love. After what happened to me, I’m not sure there is such thing as love… You believe your partner loves you more than anything, they say that out loud, they show that to you, and then all of a sudden they rip away your heart.

It’s up to you to convince her that love does exist and it is a powerful good creature, not a demon. So take it slow when you talk to her.

[Platinum]

Hmm… Well, first of all, I want to say that I’m quite young to be dealing with cases where kids are involved. But I might give it a shot and try to help you.

You said she might be having scars from a past relationship. That may be possible. However, how much time has passed between ending that past relationship and starting one with you?
I’m a woman, so I think I can share my thoughts on this with you. You see, my ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago, and it was all kind of no where, just like your case (except I had a relationship that lasted trice the time yours lasted). Now, there’s a guy chasing me, but, in my eyes, he’s becoming kind of annoying. Why? Because I’m scarred. He’s doing all he can to go on a date with me, but I don’t feel like dating him. There’s actually no substance in our conversations, and it’s not something that you realize by reading his words, it’s about how those words reach your insides.
Now, imagine I did go out with this guy and eventually he became my new boyfriend. Because of all the traumatic moments I had when my ex broke up with me, I would not give in so much of myself into this new relationship. This is all about fear. Fear of being hurt again. And it’s also about still being in love with my ex, but I don’t know your ex, she might have really liked you, seeing that you guys had an almost perfect relationship.

Hey, I know your pain. My relationship with my ex was almost perfect too. Sure, with one or two flaws, but they were nothing that couldn’t be repaired. And that’s what made me fight for him. Because I believe we can work this out. And I think you should do the same.
Keep talking to her. You know we women want guys to start conversations first because we live to a sense of entitlement. I’m not saying it’s the correct way of behaving, but that’s how must of us think. She might be scared of talking to you as well. I am still scared of my ex, so you can take me as an example. But take it slow. You don’t want to be friendzoned, do you?

[Platinum]

Thanks, hehehe. 😛

[Platinum]

It’s going good. 🙂 It’s not actually NC, I’m open for communication with my ex, but I’ll only talk to him if he talks first. I’m still not ready to start conversations, but if he wants to talk to me, I’ll talk to him.
He replied to my thank you message. He said “You’re welcome 🙂 ” He seemed nice, but anyone can type a smiley emoticon and not be smiling or nice at all. That was just him being polite, or so I think. Anyway, it’s better than nothing! And then I left it that way. I don’t him to get all cocky and with his ego inflated like a balloon, like “hey, my ex is talking to me again, she can’t stop being into me, I’m so awesome, blah blah…” Umm… no, you’re not awesome, you broke my heart because of something stupid, you idiot.

So yeah, I’m doing fine. 🙂

[Platinum]

This is just temporary. 🙂 With time and patience, you will heal and you’ll be happy. Fight for what you want, don’t expect things to fall on your lap. Work on yourself.

[Platinum]

“Anymore” is such a strong word… You never know! What he if he does come back to you? Maybe next month, next year, who cares. Nothing’s impossible. You just have to learn to live without relying on anyone. What’s done it’s done.

You might even know someone, fall in love, have a relationship, break up, and have him again. Who knows? What matters must is happiness.

[Platinum]

sri, you’re way too rash… Just calm down, girl. :/ Do NC for an undetermined period. Do it until you get better. Maybe one week isn’t enough. You’re still very depressed, very insecure and very hurt. You need to accept that you don’t have anything with him right now. Just treat him as a common friend. He’s not your boyfriend, he’s not your best friend and not even a close friend. He’s just an acquaintance, okay?

I told you this before and I’ll tell you again. You can only feel pain for yourself. Your ex isn’t feeling your pain. I’m not feeling your pain. No one except you is feeling your pain. So do yourself a favor and stay away from him. No matter how hard it is, you need to find your inner strength. Use hate if you want, but stay away from him.

In the mean time, make internal changes. That’s your top priority. Meditate. Pray. You’re still a mess on the inside. Before you make external changes, make the internal ones first. And take it easy! You don’t know what the future holds for you. Maybe you’ll look back at this and think “I’m so different, how could that have happened? I was in so much pain back then, but now I’m so better than before.” Trust me, it happened to me and it can happen to you. So just slow down, take it easy.

[Platinum]

UPDATE: My ex just replied to my thank you message. He said “You’re welcome :)” He seemed kind of happy, but that’s just me telling from his reply. Everyone can type a smiley emoticon and do it just to seem polite. I’m just gonna leave it that way, unless he has something else to say or ask.

Bree, thank you for your words. 🙂 I underestimated myself. And you’re underestimating yourself too. I was feeling like you too. But I controlled myself because I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself anymore. I needed and I still need some time apart from him. There are some things I still want to work on. Like stop dreaming about him and thinking about the memories we had.

You know, there is a difference between you and me. The fact that I seem to have control is because my ex didn’t contact me during NC, and so there were no temptations for me. Of course, I was always asking myself “Why isn’t he talking to me? Did he forget I exist? What’s going on?”
I knew that if I wanted him back, I needed to stay away from him, and so I did it. He needs a little time away from me too. He needs to change some things I didn’t like about him. Only then I will evaluate his progress and see if he was worth the pain. If not, well at least I improved myself and that’ll help me in my life.

I also have to make changes in me so that he’ll change too. Like becoming more attractive and seductive. He already found me attractive, so I figured that if I became the girl that could make him drop his jaw to the ground and drool, he would become even more devoted to me. More importantly, I need some internal changes too. And you should do the same. 🙂 In fact, everyone here should do the same. Just let go. I don’t mean you should move on, but try to think less about them. Fall in love with yourself. Devote to yourself. And then, when you feel truly better, you can think about your ex.

Have fun with the people you like. Your family, your friends. I’ve never been so attached to my family like before. They’re helping me. They’re giving me strength to be confident, and are supporting me. So go out and live your life. You’ll soon discover you’re not a symbiont, like you might have thought during your relationship, and that’s great! It’ll show you you’re not dependent. You can do whatever you want. You can get whatever you want. It’s all about your will and your state of mind. 🙂

[Author]

Posts