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Unfortunately, I think maybe that was as well as it could have gone. He was wanting to have me as an option but didn’t want to commit to me, I think I had hoped that with time he would start to feel otherwise (and maybe he would have) but it was too painful for me to be in limbo like that.
Here is the update. We hung out tonight and I asked him where he was at on things… He basically completely back tracked on everything he had said before and said he no longer felt like he wanted to see where things go, but didn’t see why we had to completely cut off communication. I asked him to stop talking to me. No contact day 1 starts tomorrow.
I feel both sad and relieved. I think it’s time to pursue someone I don’t have any baggage with instead of waiting on someone who regularly re-initiates things just to change his mind.
Oh yeah I’m not asking him to hang out again; I guess I’m wondering if it’s time to just walk away… It may be some premature frustration, I’m not sure. I just don’t know if I have the patience for this, it’s pretty painful to hold back from someone you used to be close with, no contact at all was easier for me
Another bizarre thing to put on Facebook. What is with these people?!
I think helping friends is a GREAT distraction although I’m very sad to hear about the way she has been treated. Love and addiction are so similar it can be hard to tell what’s what.
He asked me to hang out on Saturday but I had plans, I asked him to hang out on Sunday and he said he would like to but he had plans (a friend in town). It’s just that communication since then has been not great–I’m probably reading into things too much, I think he was a little hungover today, which probably put him in a less than talkative mood. But I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking
Amy,
Lin is totally right. Also, I’ve said it before but- rebound relationships tend to get people missing their exes MORE when they fizzle out, which usually happens pretty quickly. There’s the rare time these relationships work out, but it’s very, very rare. I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself
Lin,
Have a great bday!Enjoy your time with your mom and put your phone away when you’re together 😉
On my end things are still a little weird. He was really busy this weekend with people in town and such and the one time he asked me to hang out I had plans with friends (which felt good at the time but now I’m a little worried things will fizzle out). My attitude when I start dating someone is usually very “if you’re into me then you’ll work for it” right now, I feel like he’s not that into it and I’ve got to try to adopt that attitude. I’m not enjoying feeling like last priority or the last person he wants to talk to; if he wants to work things out, wouldn’t he come to me a little bit more? Maybe I’m being too impatient– what do y’all think?
Lin,
What do you have planned for your bday? Who knows if he will remember to say hi, but if he doesn’t it’s no big deal– Even though it’s easy to feel like you have a right to a birthday wish, in the big picture of your relationship, it’s just a day like any other; but hopefully you are still celebrating with friends and doing something fun!
Fishing,
I don’t know your girl but I think It can go one of three ways: 1. She’ll appreciate the thought and won’t want to talk much further than a pilot thanks, 2. She’ll be annoyed by you because she already is annoyed and here you are reaching out again 3. She’s been secretly waiting to talk to you and will be so excited to hear from you when the day comes. Unfortunately I think scenario number 3 is unlikely because it’s only been a week since you went NC and she was angry. Because of that is say not to reach out. You can text if you want but just one message and then you have to let it go. When a girl feels like a guy is trying too hard, the slightest thing can be blown out of proportion, better to keep to yourself.
Soupy,
First, thank you for your encouragement. I feel a lot better now! Second, I’m sorry this is so difficult, I know what it’s like to want to be there for someone and being unable to; but it sounds like your ex is taking care of herself, which will be the best thing for you both if you ultimately decide to work it out. It sounds like you’ve been extremely supportive and maybe she is a little depressed? Once she comes through the fog I think she’ll be more able to appreciate how much you care about her.
I think you are smart to block him because even if there aren’t any lovely ladies (besides you, duh) he’s not going to say that online.
Having him out of site will be really helpful to your healing process. Also, what a weird thing to write on someone’s wall! Haha
That’s so great that all of his family says good things about you, all the more reason to stay quiet on your end. If his sister or his mom bring you up he’s naturally going to wonder what you’ve been up to. It’s a struggle with your will power for sure but it will really pay off if you want to regain his interest
Also, thank you for your support and for talking me off a ledge (figuratively speaking). How are you feeling
Yeah, it was a mistake, I was just having fun and feeling good and looked great so I wanted him there, but then I got carried away. Whoops
This is pretty embarrassing but basically we hung out Friday and he said he wanted to start hanging out and see how things go; then Saturday I had a party and as the day went on I asked him to join. We ended up having kind of an emotional conversation about everything and since then he’s been more distant. We talked on Wednesday and I said it was my mistake and I apologized and said I did want to go slow and I’ve backed off since then but now we are talking even less than we were last week before we decided to start trying to work things out and it is making me feel very anxious.
Thanks Soupy, I’m having a tough time taking things slowly. I’m afraid I’m going to lose him again before I even had him back. I’m trying to be upbeat and limit reaching out to make up for an incident of moving a little too fast, but I’m just not sure it’ll work. What do I do?
I guess I prefer to remove myself of the temptation to even look, because I totally will. Unfortunately your ex probably hasn’t thought about it as much as you have, and I don’t think he’d think much about the defriending either. It’s pretty normal to remove someone off Facebook. Obviously at this point my ex knows I removed him. It didn’t deter him from trying to work things out and we haven’t talked about it. BUT if it’s a non-issue for you, keep him on, just try not to read too much into it if he keeps you OR removes you
I found that deleting my ex was really helpful. Even now that we are talking I have not re-added. I don’t want to know about his recently added friends or anything like that because I will immediately jump to some bad conclusions. He’s probably checking up on you, he also probably thinks it will come off like he’s hurt if he deletes you; but honestly, I think you’ll benefit from deleting him- who needs the anxiety
